Does anyone else do this?

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There are some days worse than others. Whenever I'm around anyone, I have to walk outside or be alone and walk back and forth. Sometimes I have to flap my arms or move my fingers around as if I'm trying to get circulation. Even alone this happens but I'm not as insecure about it as when I'm around people. I've done this for years using the excuse that I would like to play with the kids or "talk" to someone on the phone. My music is one of the major things I stem with. If it wasn't for music, I think I'd be a totally out of it.

Recently a family member brought this up with me. She saw me pacing back and forth and thought I was upset about something. I still don't know how to bring up aspergers with some of my family. I might as well, we feel like we need to compete with a family that has "better" jobs and so forth. All my life I felt uncomfortable and suicidal because of this and many other factors. I can't seem to "function" like "normal" people do when they're talking to guests, relatives, friends and so forth. I really can't pretend anymore and it's getting to me.

I wondered if anyone else could relate or share stories. I almost feel alone here.

Because I'm a smoker I have an excuse to distance myself from the group for a while every few hours (depending on the anxiety). When I do this I have to pace or take a walk, I can't stand still or sit down otherwise my legs twitch (sometimes, when sitting down, I'll unintentionally stand up in a jerky motion).

But my family's used to it by now, I never made it a secret.

Yep I do this too.

I'm not even aware of it half the time until my own mother brings it up.

Are you saying you feel pressure from your family to "succeed" in order to compete with extended family members?

Yes in some instances.

Now that I'm an adult though, it isn't so much my "close knitted" family as it is with my extended family. This is part of the reason why I don't want to see them on holidays or any time of the day. I don't hate them or expect them to be as ignorant...at least some of them. It's just not easy to go about my personal diagnosis as if it were my diary. I think if I were more gregarious perhaps it would be easier to come about. I've always been the awkward sheep in my family and use to use to get rid of this. Now that I'm trying to let my natural emotions go, it's not as easy with family. With strangers, at least I don't have to defend myself as much. My family on the other hand, well....I have to face them too "socially" if that makes sense?

I blame myself all the time for this btw. I know I can be or do whatever I want. For some reason though I feel like can't. I've never had many friends or hardly romantic relations for that matter. I guess a part of me wants to please that gap.

Yes. I am sometimes painfully aware that the same people I used to bounce on my knee have graduate degrees and real jobs. One thing I've discovered in my job though, which is about as menial as you can get, is that if you don't act like you expect to be looked down upon you won't be as much. One of my clients has a doctorate in chemical engineering and while we don't discuss that, we talk about family and books we've read and politics etc. He has never made me feel like I was lazy or stupid for doing what I do. I just tell people I can't handle the same amount of things that other people do and they can assess whether I'm lazy or stupid by watching me or talking to me. I'll have to admit that I avoid friending people on facebook because I just don't want to get into it. Anyway, I understand the discomfort. It depends on the family. Mine has always been more focused on academic achievement (and I don't have that either )

I don't flap my hands or my arms, but I do a lot of finger flapping. I just tell people that I'm giving my hands their daily exercise.

I move my limbs around like I'm trying to get circulation. I also crack my joints and stretch a lot. That said, I'm not as healthy as I should be. I also have the compulsion to tap my foot to music - even if I don't like it. Sometimes I don't realize I'm doing it until someone mentions it, or I suddenly find my leg cramping.

I had to give up on walking back and forth because I got into a lot of trouble for it as a kid. There's about nothing about my AS I didn't used to get in trouble for. Now my parents are a bit more tolerant.

I do and it's crap. They totally contradict themselves. They all want me to get a better job but without college in the Washington DC market it's virtually impossible.