rather strange reaction to the kittens . . .

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This is really wierd - I have had a problem like this for a long time - where I'm thinking one thing and acting like I actually feel another thing, but this is one of the wierdest . . .

I got my kittens the other day and felt wierd when I did that - but I figured that was just because I've had such a hard time getting them that I was just losing this adrenilin state I'd been in for a month and a half . . . the people that got them for me came over and played with them with me for a while - we discovered that my child cat Gideon was less enthusastic than I thought he would be (but not trying to kill them - typical cat reaction to any sort of change) . . . then they left . . .
And (this is wierd part) I just started crying for like 45 minutes . . . and then when I got up in the morning it was the same thing and has been on and off with less frequency everyday since I got them - today it has only been like one or two minutes . . . it is the wierdest darned thing . . .
And they are very cute - they are on medication for upper respitory infections and Michael has lost an eye to an infection (neither of which are my fault but due to the conditions the rescuer kept them in - don't get me started on that - I'm glad to get them out of there) - but they are playful and bouncy and cute as they can be . . . Jeremy even sleeps in my hair like Gideon did when he was a little tike

The only solutions I can come up with are that 1) I hadn't really dealt with Seth (Gideon's brother) dying because I let myself get so focused on getting kittens for Gideon - though I did get all flaky and upset and cried a lot about Seth it all stopped after he got euthanized (he had massive intestinal cancer) and I didn't cry much after that at all, or 2) the kittens make me realize that Gideon is, in fact, very old himself and he has been the single most important thing in my life for a little over 11 years (I mean, he's been my reason for not killing myself before) that is a hard thing to face, 3) I have only recently developed a REAL working concept of 'future' - so now when I think 'Wow - if these cats live as long as Gideon and Seth I'll have them until I'm 43 . . .' and that number means something instead of being some time in space that other people talk about but I don't understand . . .

But, see, this is the benefit of being diangosed - I've spent most of my life having things like this happen and thinking that I was just going crazy and now I think 'Ok - this is wierd - I wonder why this is happening?' instead . . .

I am so jealous.

I miss my old red cat. I love to look at photos of her. She died 4 years ago and I still think that I can see her out of the corner of my eye when a leaf blows across the garden.

You needed to feel these deep feelings in order to make room in your heart to move on and enjoy looking after your new kittens.

So - enjoy!

That's interesting that you say that - I could feel Seth around me almost constantly for about a week after I had him euthanized and it was in places that I would have seen him when he was alive like he would sit on the back of my couch and put his paw on my shoulder or sit in my lap . . . now it only happens about once a week . . .
I believe in a spirit world so it is pretty easy for me to explain this by just saying he was hanging around until he got acclimated to the lack of limitations of returning to a spiritual state and was checking on me . . . but that is the strongest its ever been for me . . . it is really a neat experience, though rather sad at the time . . .

Here's a link to the album with the little fart's pictures . . . I'm not sure if this will work but it should . . . the big fat grey cat is Gideon, the little black and white one is Jeremy, and the little white spotted one is Michael (remember we do know Michael has a bad eye infection - probably he is going to have to have that eye removed)

http://www.snapfish.com/thumbnailshare/ ... t_=1937123

Gideon and Michael...

I've read a few stories, and it's interesting how easily aspies connect with pets. As we all know, people with AS have trouble interacting with other people, yet they seem to have no trouble whatsoever interacting with a pet.

I think it is because animals have no pretense - they just are - they either like you or don't and you don't have to think about whether they are lying . . .

Now, that said, I don't much like dogs because they are too needy for me - my cats and rats seem to stay around because I'm useful to them and they have some affection for me - but dogs are just overwhelming to me . . .

I have only connected with animal once.

Aboiut 6 weeks ago i spent 3 weeks in restbite care. the place i went to was in the middle of no where and all the people around for miles were the person who was looking after me and a lady next door called poppy. the lady who was looking after me had 3 dogs and two cats.

I really liked the dogs and i spent a lot of time playing with them and she commented most people she has don't notice the dogs or don't play with them. howeverr i did. she even e-mailed me photos of the dogs when i got back home.

She also had to cats. to me thease were amazing. for the last week i was thier i had a tooth infection and was up most of the time in pain and during this tie for the first time ever the cats would come in and snuggle. I have never felt as though i had a right to play with / snuggle animals because they have always belonged to someone else. but she made it clear to me that she didn't mind me playing with them because most people do not.

The feeling were amazing. i sat there often for hours and hours just learning how it feels to be at peace with another living creature. being about to trust him. beiang able to pat him, and him being affectionate. At the same time i felt like i was putting a bit of myself out to be attched.

When i left i missed both the place. the people and the aninimals.

i miss the place because it felt so safe. far away from anywhere. i could go for a walk and not see anyother people. i was free.

i miss the people beacuse my careeer sue made evrything very clear and she made sure that when i was confused on somthing she would try to help me resolve it. she didn't give up on me

I miss the animals. they made me feel like i could relate for the small time i was there with another.

Jammie

Is there any reason you can't get your own cat? You mentioned your physical health being bad, so maybe a kitten wouldn't be the best bet (I say as one scales my leg) but there are tons of older cats that need homes - look at www.petfinder.com and you will find lots!

my foster mum would kill me if i got a cat. but when i get my own place (ahhhh scary) then maybe yes.

jammie