When you get a job, when (if ever) do you tell others you're

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AndyG
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19 May 2010, 12:04 am

I'm sure this is not a new subject, but I tried to search for an earlier thread on the same topic and didn't find one.

I've been unemployed and just a few weeks ago got a job. I like this work and I fit well into it, except ... I come across differently than I mean to sometimes. At what point, if ever, do I tell people that I work hard at social skills, much harder than most, and that I didn't mean what I said exactly as it was taken ...

I'm working as a technician.



TheDoctor82
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19 May 2010, 6:43 am

Biggest tip, chief: before you worry about whether or not you socially fit in, make sure you're the absolute best at what you do; be their "top guy"; some time after that, then let 'em know you're Autistic.

One of the main reasons being it'll be showing them that not only do you not need any special treatment, but that even without it, they need you!

Also, only tell 'em in certain circumstances; most of my co-workers know, but I tend to use it in a bit of a joking sense. I don't use my Autism to get people to take pity on me or anything like that; don't want it. I don't tell 'em about it to get their understanding...I'm not expecting it.

I tell 'em cause it's that point that I have no further issues revealing more about myself, and opening up a bit.

It's also fun because they wind up heading into "jaw-dropping" territory; think about it: you're the top guy there who manages to do it better than everyone else...and you're Autistic; that thing they keep hearing about that impairs everyone.

I assure you, it's a lot of fun :)

They in many cases wind up heading into that "accepting you for you who are" thing. It's kinda cool.

And if they don't, f**** 'em! :lol:



Todesking
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19 May 2010, 8:38 am

It used me to get me a slew of nicknames. Lets see: RainDan (Because of how good I was at metal finishing), TalibanDan (Because of my beard and strict set of rules about my work area.) The Dope (I forgot words mid sentance) Rocketman (Because of the movie rocketman and how weird the main character was) They did not believe I had anyform of autism because they believed autistic people are in their own little world and are low functioning. They would say your not autistic your just weird and shy, :roll:

I will not be talking to people at my next job so it does not matter. I have two long term jobs and each one I was treated like trash by my fellow employees so I will not repeat that at the new job. I am hoping to a see a psychiatrist before starting to get a diagnosis before starting a new job. I will be very litigious towards any jerk who messes with me. Maybe right some wrongs in the work place and make a little cash as a bonus. :wink:



j0sh
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19 May 2010, 10:25 am

Todesking wrote:
It used me to get me a slew of nicknames. Lets see: RainDan (Because of how good I was at metal finishing), TalibanDan (Because of my beard and strict set of rules about my work area.) The Dope (I forgot words mid sentance) Rocketman (Because of the movie rocketman and how weird the main character was)


A few of my coworkers call me "the claim whisperer".

I agree with Doc. If you can get by until you become one of the most highly skilled people, it works out pretty well. I was working at my job for a few years before I discovered AS and got diagnosed. Telling my coworkers just explained some oldness they had already observed and accepted.



Vanilla_Slice
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19 May 2010, 11:09 am

I told HR the first time I was pulled up on a disciplinary matter and they put a note in my file. After that life got a lot easier.

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Asp-Z
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19 May 2010, 11:17 am

Not sure how relevant this is to work, but at school I'd mention it casually these days if the topic were to come up. I use a laptop in classes, and if someone where to ask why, I'd just tell them it's because I have dyspraxia and Asperger's. I don't see it as something I need to keep hidden really.



Kiley
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19 May 2010, 11:20 am

Andy,

I think you need to be careful about who you tell, and how especially if you are self-diagnosed. You might want to tell your boss or someone in HR so that you've documented your disability officially with the company, and you might want to document that you do not need accomodations. That way if you ever have trouble with someone down the road because of your social skills issue they can't fire you for it, but are required to councel you and work with you on it, and to councel the other person. If your company isn't very politically correct this could also go against you. If they have issues with your "disability" they could look for other excuses to fire you. I don't consider AS a disability. I'm just talking about legalities and politics of it. I don't know if my comments apply outside the USA.

I think it's usually best to start out by putting your best foot forward. Show them what you can do before you talk to them about what you can't do. As a technician social skills shouldn't be too critical and if you have good technical skills you should be well worth the effort of putting up with an occasional awkward social situation.

Most co-workers and bosses don't want to hear about people's problems. They consider it counter productive. Talking about problems at work is often the quick way to loose a job. I'd be careful not to put AS out there as a problem, but possibly as fair warning that you occasionally run into social skills issues. They might want to know that they can come to you about that kind of thing to resolve any problems instead of assuming you are intentionally making social mistakes. Let your boss know you are open to that kind of thing if a problem ever does come up, but explain that you've been working on these issues and it may never be necessary.

Well that's long and I hope not confusing.



Philologos
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19 May 2010, 12:35 pm

I am a great believer in need to know. If a supervisor raises a related issue, that is one thing. If a coworker becomes a real [REAL] friend, I would use judgement. Otherwise, I do not discuss my sex life, my politics, my religion, popular TV, or my inner workings.



Todesking
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19 May 2010, 12:38 pm

I would love to get fired for having AS, I need the cash a lawsuit would bring me. :twisted:



Francis
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19 May 2010, 6:04 pm

I have never told anybody at work. It's really none of their business. They don't tell me about their issues (nor do I wish to hear them), so why would I share mine?

One lady has a autistic son. I think she may be on to me, but she is very respectful.



AndyG
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19 May 2010, 11:33 pm

The particular difficulty I am facing is that the guy who is training me was trying to get promoted to this position I have, but was turned down. I got the position he wanted. Now he is training me and resentful, and not more help than he has to be. Therefore, I have a social obstacle and I am no good at dealing with that.

I have what it takes technically to do well, but not socially. This is tricky for me. He wants to prove that I didn't deserve this position. I want to prove that I am good for the position. But I depend on him to train me. I am a fish out of water.



TheDoctor82
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20 May 2010, 12:04 am

AndyG wrote:
The particular difficulty I am facing is that the guy who is training me was trying to get promoted to this position I have, but was turned down. I got the position he wanted. Now he is training me and resentful, and not more help than he has to be. Therefore, I have a social obstacle and I am no good at dealing with that.

I have what it takes technically to do well, but not socially. This is tricky for me. He wants to prove that I didn't deserve this position. I want to prove that I am good for the position. But I depend on him to train me. I am a fish out of water.


You may want to bring this up to your superiors, but don't directly mention your lack of social skills.

Back about 6 years ago, I got a new job at the local supermarket, and started out in Produce. The manager obviously had no desire to train me properly and I was afraid my position was on the line; I immediately brought it up to my superior and asked to be transferred to the front register area. I got the transfer, and was immediately so successful, they asked me to stay later!



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20 May 2010, 1:49 pm

I told my boss as soon as an issue came up, so that I couldn't get fired. My boss likes to fire people. The issue was because of my autism, so she couldn't fire me, legally. Not that I'd go get a lawyer, but my mom says she would!

If I could "pass," though, I would probably say don't tell your employer. But if your autism is obvious, it's a good idea to tell them, so that you don't get fired for something stupid.



AndyG
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20 May 2010, 8:19 pm

I do have to put constant effort into casual conversation, but my autism's not obvious.

I really appreciate all the responses!! :D