Ever Heard "I know you're AS but..."

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Those in my life (and there aren't that many) who know all about Asperger's tend to say "I know you have Aspergers but " and then go on to criticize something that is textbook AS. Like, I was going on and on about something.

Or I don't seem to be nice when I speak to them. I've been told "I know you're Aspergers but your social skills are not good"

I just got done with a text conversation that went exactly like that. I pointed out this is like telling someone in a wheelchair that you know they have to use the wheelchair but that doesn't excuse them from NOT walking around and you're mad at them for being a jerk and not walking.

??

I don't use Asperger's as a crutch or as an excuse and I rarely bring it up. If someone starts criticizing me for being overly sensitive to sound (which is another one I've dealt with many times) or with smell, I tell them it's out of my control - I have a hypersensitivity to these things and altho I try to be tough or fight against it, most of the time extreme smell or sound overload causes me to become physically ill. As in stomach distress, feeling faint or a migraine. I can't change that - it's part of the hardwiring as far as I can tell.

But I've heard "I know you're Asperger but you really can't leave if the noise is too loud" ???

Isn't that a totally illogical and ridiculous kind of criticism? I know you have no legs but that's no excuse why you're not walking!

Anyone else heard this sort of thing?

I call it 'The Invisible Handicap', because if neurotypical folk can't see it, it isn't real.


I get a cynical kick out of this one, too: "...and you can't blame that on Asperger Syndrome!"


Uhm, well...let's see...AS is a brain dysfunction that causes parts of the brain to stop developing before full maturity, affecting psychological perceptions of the world in general and interactions with others specifically. So...if it's not something physical, like a wart, then yes - yes, it probably is affected to a greater or lesser extent by the Autism. Duh.

The development of my entire personality has been shaped into what it is by the askew view of my Autistic eyes. Might as well say to a space creature:

"You're so INSERT NEGATIVE CHARACTERIZATION HERE, and you can't blame that on being an alien!"

WTF?

Well tell them something equally stupid. Like "I know you have myopia, but you need to wear glasses all the time?" "I know you suffer from genetic obesity, but you're just tooo fat." Maybe they're realize how their words don't make sense.

I get ya.

'I know you're ASD and you have a messed up sensory system, but you should get a motorbike, even though you can't drive because you get overloads and do things like go completely unresponsive and freewheel straight into the path of a f*****g lorry.'

Ok, no one said this outright. Just kept asking me when I was gonna get one. Like I hadn't already explained overloads several times.

"Just because you have AS I still want you to be social - you know, that thing that causes the most of your meltdowns and feelings of being a failure. But you still shouldn't give up. Surely it's not that bad. Stop hitting your head with your fists."

Actually my mum is more like 'just because you have a problem doesn't mean you can just give up.'
Doesn't even mention that I have AS. And if I go a few weeks without seeing people she thinks I've given up. I do have more meltdowns and crying fits but I don't give up on socializing. OK, maybe I wanted to but it didn't last.

I know you're NT, but you're annoying the bleep out of me.

Use it as a crutch, but only when it is valid. If you try getting excused from a class you don't like because you're AS, I hope that every in the world AS person gets to line up for a swing at you, because that's bull.

I don't tell people I have AS, but, I struggle with socializing and social skills. What's really strange is, I get along great with people from certain locations, like Washington state, but not so well here where I live where people are expected to be super friendly and really at ease with glib small talk which are things I have trouble with. I tend to do better with people from information gathering and exchanging cultures than with people from places where friendliness and good natured small talking is valued over exchanging information and sounding intelligent.

A forum owner once said to me on a forum when I was 18. "I know you have Asperger's but you really had to be that naive?" I don't remember his exact words. He was mad at me that I was very naive about 9/11 and didn't understand the big deal about it when it happened and said my post was cold hearted.

Last edited by League_Girl on 21 Apr 2010, 9:34 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I've been told that I'm smart enough to be meta-aware of my faux pas.

I get told to use my head, a lot. Being the sensitive and naive person that I am, I use my heart, instead of my head. I know it gets me into a lot of trouble, but I can't help it.

Yep

OMG that is the worst!

Does it count if do my English class in the Student Services room?

Also, I wonder how many of "every AS person in the world" would actually punch the guy.

On topic, yeah that would be infuriating.

YES!

YES!

OH I just got a really good comeback - it was given to me by an NT that I complained about this to.

HA

He said maybe next time that happens I should say "Well I've already admitted openly that I struggle with issues related to ____(fill in the blank with what they said about you) ___ so now let's take a look at you. What is YOUR malfunction that makes you not able to understand what I said??"

After typing all of that I think he may be wrong now. I think that's way too many words for a typical NT's attention span.

I've never understood what giving up is supposed to mean but I hear it a lot around disability stuff.

When I first started using a wheelchair my dad was concerned I was "giving up". Er, yeah, I'd been nearly entirely housebound for a long time, I decide to use a tool that allows me to leave the house and do things, and that's "giving up"? He changed his mind after I beat him across a parking lot but if I hadn't been able to would that supposedly mean something?

It's like people think if they don't keep bugging us we'd lie down and die or something. It just confuses the heck out of me.

Another one I've actually heard: "Quit looking myopic." "But I am myopic." "Yeah but that's no reason to look like that!"

Another one I've actually heard: "Quit looking myopic." "But I am myopic." "Yeah but that's no reason to look like that!"

OMG

They have no clue how utterly ridiculous they sound. That is completely illogical.

try Boston or New York. it's acceptable to be brusk / rude, to an extent. it helps if you can understand sarcasm though.