Understanding Empathy

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I don't know for sure if I lack empathy or not... I keep saying this but I am not dxed, but I might build up a case for it.

I keep reading about empathy and I don't totally understand it. I know sympathy is feeling bad for people and I for sure do that, but is empathy like actually going through what they are? Uncontrollable or something? I don't think I do that... though this might be the wrong place to ask, lol.

It's hard to explain... are there things you find difficult? Like maybe public speaking or talking in a group.

Imagine you are at a conference and you see a really shy person getting up to make a speech and they're clearly nervous as hell. Empathy would be almost like an emotional flashback to how you felt the last time you gave a speech, and you are likely to feel their nervousness as acutely as you did your own. On a practical level, afterwards you may know the right things to say to make them feel better because you know that's what worked for you.

Someone who has never had a problem with public speaking may wonder why they are nervous and become almost impatient with them. Even if they sympathise with them, they may not understand what the 'big deal' is and may not know the best way to react, regardless of good intent.

That's just one analogy. Some people have really good empathy without having to go through the same experiences as the other person beforehand, but most do require a bit of experience or background information to be empathetic.