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Skyling
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23 Feb 2010, 7:26 pm

I'm an 18 year old female, I can't speak with other women normally at all. I'm quite afraid of them.

My friend base is a bunch of guys, some of them having Asperger's. They're all basically video game/rpg nerds. I don't care for video games (they used to give me anxiety fits, so I'm permanently scared of them, and I'm poor as heck), but I love watching and listening to them talk about it. I can sit and watch my friends play games forever, and I love cheering them on.

I have the pacing and constant fidgeting problem. When I speak, I fidget, or play with my hair, loosely making eye contact if any, and sometimes I shiver if I'm nervous (noticeably shiver...). I have a hard time looking at people often times, unless I know them very well. My boyfriend is an aspie, and our symptoms are a bit different but we understand each other quite well. The only other AS female I know is not like me at all. I'm pretty well groomed, even though I have no fashion sense I try and I don't look like the other females but I look good... I think.

I'm horrible at Math, it's my worst subject. But I have been reading at college level since the 3rd grade. I LOVE Criminology and I'm one of the few people in the class that takes it as seriously as me. I love Special Education, and spend time in that classroom too, and when I get the chance to study Psychology, I will do that as well. My handwriting is very small and precise, and I like doing repetitive working assignments, while I hate working on projects or in groups. I'm horrible at socializing with more "regular" people.

I am energetic, very social (with my group...) and I love answering questions in class (which annoys many others). I'm quite pedantic and awkward, and even though my Nonverbal communication is crap, I do many hand/body gestures. They are usually somewhat cartoonic and very awkward and exaggerated. I have a horrible noise intolerance and must listen to music to avoid hearing other people talk. I'm overly affectionate as well... I feel strange, even as an Aspie.

I also feel I failed to mention that I have had horrible anxiety problems in the past (going through 12 medications in the past 2 years, I just quit...). I've been put in the Psych ward twice, and I have a horrible sense of rigidity and routine. I hate change. I have no common sense and am easily confused. I still have anxiety problems though, I really don't know if they will ever to away. I am constantly overanalyzing everything... And my temper is just horrible. Sometimes I will completely trip out, my buddy called it "The demons" or something, and break a hole in the wall and yell and throw a fit... Not a good thing...



jamesongerbil
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23 Feb 2010, 7:41 pm

i don't know. once you've met one aspie, you've met one aspie. i've never encountered any aspie females that i know of. but women my age tend to scare me, too. i am still contemplating the root of this fear. i more often hang out with two guys. i think this is because women are natural empathizers and men are natural systemitizers, as are aspies, even the females. so, i guess it might be more natural to hang out with guys. you actually sound a bit like me, with the figeting. do people exhale gutterances when you speak? :-/ ever consider wearing ear plugs? they take out the high noises and you can still hear from them. also, do you experience sudden phases of greater sensitivity to things that last a few weeks to a few months?



Kajjie
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23 Feb 2010, 7:47 pm

Aspie's aren't all alike. You don't sound odd for an Aspie to me.

I am v. social when with other weirdos, and I enjoy dressing nicely although I like looking very odd/alternative.
I like psychology very much
I 'talk with my hands' and have facial expressions, although I can't read facial expressions well
I love hugging people and touching their hair. I am affectionate, and sensitive.
I have mood and anxiety issues, and problems with certain sounds.


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Skyling
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23 Feb 2010, 7:52 pm

jamesongerbil wrote:
also, do you experience sudden phases of greater sensitivity to things that last a few weeks to a few months?


Actually yes, I do. And then they seem to go away and be replaced by new little annoyances.

And I also LOVE touching people and their hair. My hands are very sensitive, I have to keep them washed and the underneath of my nails cleaned, and touching other people is very pleasing to me.



Descartes30
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23 Feb 2010, 10:51 pm

Skyling wrote:
away and be replaced by new little annoyances.

And I also LOVE touching people and their hair. My hands are very sensitive, I have to keep them washed and the underneath of my nails cleaned, and touching other people is very pleasing to me.


My sense of touch is very hyperaware as well. Although I only love touching women, and not necessarily in an erotic manner. Of course I enjoy that when I feel that way about the woman that I'm dating. But I enjoy it in general because my touch is so sensitive and it feels emotionally soothing to touch. Like, I never get tired of holding hands or having a (girl) friend sit on my lap while we play games or watch a movie. I'm also just very affectionate. I might have been touchy with men as well but I had a challenging childhood that probably nipped that in the bud. I am also very sound sensitive, like you. So I tend to always have headphones with me if I go out in public for an extended period. Both being overwhelmed and migrane headaches are strong possibilities when I'm surrounded by loud or annoying sounds. Some people's voices and manner of speaking are highly annoying to me as well. There are some television shows or movies that I just can't enjoy because of that. Like any time a certain former Alaskan governor comes on the television, I have to turn the channel or risk a migrane.


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Keifer
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24 Feb 2010, 12:16 am

This truthfully doesnt sound to different from how I am. I'm terrible at math and an exceptional reader. Most of my friends are videogame nerds, and my body language is exaggerated when I talk. I'm very social around my own friends but not so much around strangers. The exception being in the classroom.

I also noticed you have a wide vocabulary, and I'm going to guess that you want to be very precise in what you say. I'm the same way. If it means anything, you seem to be a typical aspie. Kajjie hit it right on the dot. You don't sound odd for an Aspie at all. I hope you find comfort in that.



Philologos
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24 Feb 2010, 12:19 am

Actually, much of what you say matches what I would / could have said at various times, just changing the genders around and making a couple of adjustments for M / F differences in traits.

If I had met you in one of my classes [whatever our respective roles in the class] I would have recognized you.



Tollorin
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24 Feb 2010, 11:38 am

You sound really aspie :D The things about all aspies being nerd and good in math is just crap. In true, it seem that most aspies are bad in math, except for a minority very good at it.


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Asp-Z
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24 Feb 2010, 1:05 pm

As others have said, we're all different. I'm also crap at maths, I'm getting better because I'm being bribed by my mum (iPad on launch date? Ohh yes), but it's certainly not a strong subject for me at all.

Like you I fidget and pace a lot too.

You seem quite Aspie, but at the same time, remember the stereotypes about us are all crap anyway.



Jellybean
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24 Feb 2010, 1:32 pm

I've got a bad memory (and am too lazy to scroll down...) but did you say you have only met one other girl with AS? If that is the case then don't compare yourself to her. As has already been mentioned, we are all different and there is a definite difference between boys and girls on the spectrum, although we might share some symptoms. Since moving into care I have met several girls on the spectrum:

Girl 1: very sociable, has a boyfriend, suffers from severe anxiety, low self-esteem, interested in beauty products like make up and perfume

Girl 2: Loud and in your face, doesn't appear to be interested in appearence (tends to dress like a boy), finds toilet humour amusing, very sociable but always says the wrong things, wants to be friends with everyone!

Girl 3: Looks so 'normal' and acts so 'normal' that I thought she was one of the staff! Has had a tough life (she wrote about it on a blog) and suffers from severe mood swings especially anger. Has shown stalking behaviour in the past but is completely unaware of why this is wrong.

Girl 4: Came into care after a poor placement. Very interested in rabbits and doctor who and obsessive to the point of speaking about nothing else. Has severe mood swings, self harms and has major meltdowns and rage attacks. Although well spoken struggles to understand basic communication from others.

As you can see, this is four different girls (there are many other types as well!) who are all very different. Some might have guessed from my avatar that girl 4 is me! Of course I cannot possibly tell you how much girls 1,2 and 3 can understand because I am not inside their heads! Me and the other three girls share quite a few traits, but also have other unique traits either personality wise or autism traits. It is a lot easier (as I have discovered!) to spot a boy/man with AS than a girl/woman because us gals can be really good at hiding it! Plus I am a co-morbid diagnosis so I have other problems as well, namely my Tourettes!

P.S I am bad at maths as well! Maybe it's a guy thing!


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Laar
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24 Feb 2010, 2:20 pm

There was tthis poll about the subjects ppl were the worst, and maths is clearly 'the winner'. It might be that ppl think aspies are good at it because its so logical (in the sense of always right), and so are a lot of aspies.

From the ppl I know with AS there are 3 of them at normal math lvl and 2 doing it as bachelor. Though that also might have to do something with the fact that we are all chess players, and that we form a group together.



alana
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24 Feb 2010, 3:49 pm

I related to an awful lot of your post. I think that especially when you are young other females can be a pain in the @ss and so not worth the time so I would definitely support you in sticking with males unless you can find some cool females to hang out with. I have one guy from high school and one from college that I reconnected with on facebook and they are typical 'geeks' and I guess I relate and feel more comfortable with them than just about anyone on the planet. Don't judge yourself for that.



millie
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24 Feb 2010, 4:53 pm

Jellybean wrote:
I've got a bad memory (and am too lazy to scroll down...) but did you say you have only met one other girl with AS? If that is the case then don't compare yourself to her. As has already been mentioned, we are all different and there is a definite difference between boys and girls on the spectrum, although we might share some symptoms. Since moving into care I have met several girls on the spectrum:

Girl 1: very sociable, has a boyfriend, suffers from severe anxiety, low self-esteem, interested in beauty products like make up and perfume

Girl 2: Loud and in your face, doesn't appear to be interested in appearence (tends to dress like a boy), finds toilet humour amusing, very sociable but always says the wrong things, wants to be friends with everyone!

Girl 3: Looks so 'normal' and acts so 'normal' that I thought she was one of the staff! Has had a tough life (she wrote about it on a blog) and suffers from severe mood swings especially anger. Has shown stalking behaviour in the past but is completely unaware of why this is wrong.

Girl 4: Came into care after a poor placement. Very interested in rabbits and doctor who and obsessive to the point of speaking about nothing else. Has severe mood swings, self harms and has major meltdowns and rage attacks. Although well spoken struggles to understand basic communication from others.

As you can see, this is four different girls (there are many other types as well!) who are all very different. Some might have guessed from my avatar that girl 4 is me! Of course I cannot possibly tell you how much girls 1,2 and 3 can understand because I am not inside their heads! Me and the other three girls share quite a few traits, but also have other unique traits either personality wise or autism traits. It is a lot easier (as I have discovered!) to spot a boy/man with AS than a girl/woman because us gals can be really good at hiding it! Plus I am a co-morbid diagnosis so I have other problems as well, namely my Tourettes!

P.S I am bad at maths as well! Maybe it's a guy thing!


Thanks jellybean. You have said it ALL very clearly, with excellent real life examples that illustrate our diversity.



Skyling
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24 Feb 2010, 5:29 pm

I do appreciate it, even though my Mom and other family members do dispute the diagnosis. But I prefer the opinion of a professional over those of people that I do not hang around terribly often (I'm not very sociable at all...)

The post describing the females seems to hit it well for me, though. I am short-tempered and have many anxiety problems. I also have harsh mood-swings and a tendency to resort to self-harm and small things like smoking cigarettes or pot. I feel some of my bad qualities may have been exaggerated by a history of physical and verbal abuse in my childhood...

Keifer was right, my vocabulary is a bit more abundant than that of my fellow classmates. And I HAVE been able to recognize other Aspies as well (my friend calls it the "Aspie" radar...), and I have approached a one or two and asked them, I have never been wrong. And I'm quite sociable but usually say the wrong things. I cannot really help it...



hale_bopp
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24 Feb 2010, 6:25 pm

All aspies seem to go on about how they get along better with the opposite sex.
In fact i've never heard any woman, aspie or not, ever admit to getting along with women better than men.
You're more normal than you think you are tbh. You would be different if your friends were mostly girls.
I get along with both equally. I find a lot of men extremely annoying, same with women, so yeah, go figure i guess.



Joe90
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09 Jul 2010, 12:45 pm

I am too 'NT' for Aspies, but I'm too 'Aspie' for NTs. Could it be Dyspraxia?

Things what make me NT:-
-know when someone's joking
-never flap hands or rock backwards and forwards, ect
-average eye contact
-enjoy small talk
-use face and hand expressions, and understand face and hand expressions with other people
-don't mind bright lights/flashing lights
-not vulnerable - if someone is not the right friend for me I will stand up for myself, or just stop being their friend
-never in my ''own world''
-not good at maths or science
-never remember numbers - can't do mental maths
-not bothered about being touched
-laugh at appropriate times, cry at appropriate times (eg sad films, ect)
-will ask someone at work if I need help with something
-can express feelings, have personality

Things what make me 'Aspie':-
-get angry easily - may have outbursts sometimes
-get jealous of people who have more friends than me
-emotional (by might be natural hormones)
-low self-esteem
-social anxiety
-find parties and clothes shopping boring
-fear of loud noise
-like a stubborn routine
-get obsessed over men (but some NT women do aswell)
-like listening to old music or ''nursery rhymes'' :oops:
-get irritable easily, may show my irritation in public