what exactly separates worldly WPers from the hermits?

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have been lurking here from WP's creation until my recent registration. however, for all that time [2005 to the present], the one thing which won't quit nagging me, however, is my observation that some folk posting here describe themselves as relatively low-drama, worldly-wise and normally-functioning folk on the spectrum, with good-status jobs, good finances and successful relationships with other people. but there are others more similar to myself, who can only look-on at the former group with a mixture of incomprehension, confusion and envy. i would really like to know, what exactly is the big IT, that separates the successfuls-in-spectrum-life from the less-successfuls. what is that magical thing or combo of things which is the key to happiness and high-functioning for the successful-in-life group here on WP? please, good folks, i gots to know. thanx in advance for any replies from y'all good folks.

I would really love to know the answer myself. Successful aspies irritate the hell out of me.

Ditto. I have a job though they've not asked me back for about a month now. I also live at home so I chose hermit. Socially some days are better than others, but I still can't have conversations.

Maybe they chose something which was in line with their qualities.

I was daft enough to aspire a job in Care, and am still recovering from those nine months. On the other hand it convinced me and my partner that there was more to it then just burn out.

I have no friends whatsoever and frankly I don't care, I can be perfectly happy when I am alone. Having a partner is hard enough as it is.

That's a really good question! I've noticed it too. To the extent that some people talk about their jobs, partners, friends, social life and I wonder exactly where their 'impairment' is. Could be to do with ones position on the spectrum in each trait. If you are savant/gifted at a skill deemed useful by society (and society regularly churns it's valuation of skills, so a lot of luck is involved), you could do very well despite being virtually crippled through lack of social skills. If your social skills are only mildly below average, you could do OK with slightly above average techinical skills etc.

Also, things like "good status jobs, finances, relationships" do not necessarily go together. I had the former 2 but have been a relationship and friendship disaster area for many years. That is my personal impairment. And I'm sure there are people who do well at relationships yet can't get or hold down a job. And these days, I really hate my job. Working in IT has become progressively less-AS friendly over the years. I'm grateful for the money, but the actual work is rarely fulfilling. Life is complex and tends to change just when you think you have it figured out.

You won't find a single big "IT" to explain everything. Information Technology?? NT's are looking for the magical combo that brings happiness, too. And failing to find it - we all seem to be put in competition for it and depression and anxiety have steadily increased throughout the entire population. I doubt there's an easy cook book answer to succeed.

Do you choose to be a hermit or do you feel that circumstances drive you to it?

I could pick worker bee or hermit
I'm OK with either
But I'll pick hermit

I wonder if the key for successful Aspies is stamina
I don't have it

I've read posts from aspies trying to explain but they always get shot down.

Could do with living situation, how they were brought up, their grades, college and early employment choices.

As for me I grew up in a small town, the one I still live in. There's no ASD specialist and I wouldn't be surprised if the schools I used to go to still don't know what AS is.

I struggled through school, had math and reading problems. Was pulled out of school at 11 to be home schooled, then when that didn't work went a year not doing anything. Then went to a high school which I also struggled in and use to hang out with the bad boys. Went back into homeschool but stopped it again.
At 15 went to a community college to do year 10, 11 and 12 as well as some computer courses. Found out computers is something I didn't want to do and was more interested in photography. Spent a few years being a fairly active band photographer but gave up several times and now it's just a hobby.
After being diagnosed with AS I went on disability and got a job as a wedding photo editor. Haven't been asked back to work.
Still live at home. Feel like I can't just move out and wing it. Not sure if I will ever move out. Maybe if I was more impulsive I would be living on my own but struggling a bit, but I just can't bring myself to do that.
Currently undergoing an ADHD diagnoses. I think maybe the stimulants will help me sort my life out to be good at my job (if I still have one) and finally move out. Also, don't want to date until I get my life sorted out.

How come you've got to be part of the hierarchy to be considered "successful"?

We forget the original definition of "success" sometimes. It means you set out to get something, and you get it.

If you set out to get a happy life, and got a position as a CEO of a company instead, you still haven't succeeded. You may be "successful", but only in the modern, socially-defined sense of the word.

I'd like to be even more of a worker bee, but I'm only supposed to make $500 on top of the disability cheque that I receive from the government. I'd also like a good physical job, so that I can get an 8-hour workout.

I work in a field that has been a special interest since age 4, and my AS affects me personally much more than professionally. My work involves health care, but I don't see it as highly social (more a puzzle to solve). I am certainly not the most financially successful in my field, in fact I'm probably at the low end, but fortunately even that is enough. And it's an error to assume that success in one area = happiness. I'd gladly trade everything I've accomplished for a spouse who accepts me for who I am.

I checked "I really love ice cream" because I do, and none of the above really described me.


~Kate

I checked hermit. I live alone, rarely leave the house, and am unable to work. The reasons for being unable to work (the ones related to autism only) are:

1. I have trouble interpreting what is happening around me in a typical enough way. This is everything from not understanding language, to having trouble identifying objects. I can't sustain the ability to make sense of any sensation at all in a typical enough way.

2. I overload fast, especially away from the most familiar part of my home. Any new or unexpected sensation of any kind adds to it. Then things just build up. And once they build up too far I am unable to do anything.

3. I have trouble connecting with and controlling my body, and freeze up frequently throughout the day.

4. There is a mechanism that works exactly the same in every part of me. It involves the difference between deliberately deciding to do something, and having that action triggered. I excel at triggered actions and am terrible at deliberate ones. By action I mean: writing, thinking, remembering, moving, etc. In every single one of those areas I am nearly incapable of simply setting out to do something and then doing it. I can respond to my environment (sometimes) but can barely at all initiate. So, all this writing I do? Each of it is triggered by something. Simply knowing what I want to write about or being told what to write about is not enough.

You'll notice I haven't written a single thing about social problems. That's not because I don't have any. Far from it. It's just that compared to these other things social problems pale into insignificance. Central to the things that get me called autistic are the ways where my perceptions, thoughts, and reactions differ from the norm. Compared to all that social stuff is way on the periphery. I know people who are great at their jobs but the social stuff hangs them up, but that experience is totally different from mine.