Feel like you don't have AS, and break the shell?

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That is what it feels like at times for me. Sad thing is it brings me into a situation mentioned in a post I wrote a few days back; Other times, if used properly can lead to progressive living and prosper.

Regret and Anger

Sometimes it feels like I ask myself, "Do I really have Asperger Syndrome?" I mean it, my restless brain, which keeps me from interaction so much by making my own world in mind, all of a sudden cools down for a while and sees thing differently. For me I say I don't and then realize that time has passed some and then - BOOM!! ! I feel I wasted time.
Then I say, let's forget about it and do something new.

Is it normal to feel like there is no AS in you. Or can it be some denial?

I went through a period of Denial. Until Last December, I kept on telling myself that I was normal and that only crazy people have Obsessions. That I have Obsessions, there fore I must be crazy, so I'll hide them and pretend to be normal. Than 2 horrible things happened to the London Transit System within less than 6 Months. That's when I've decided that if I have a strong Obsession, that I should enjoy it, and let it show. This is comming from somebody who was raised to believe that it was bad to be Autistic and have Obsessions.

I don't view having AS as a limitation to mourn. I just view it as a neat explanation for many curious but distinct differences between me and other people. I will continue to be myself, and get s**t done that I need, find courage when i need it, and i wont worry about whether I can or cant do it due to a description of a medical condition written down somewhere in a book. I will know what I can and cant do just based on how much I want to do them or not.

Im very much in two minds, it is very difficult to think of my self as autistic. but yet in many ways i am. I somtime find i am able to slow my braind down but i do not like it.

jammie

The conceptuality of the label and the self! What aspie is and what aspie is not. It all seems like some sort of social brainwash.

I've suspected for a very long time that AS is perhaps actually more normal than what many people consider 'normal' so I'm not to sure that the equation shouldn't be turned around the other way.

There are ways of acting normal, seeming normal but that seems false.

I think that it's matter of truly defining what is 'normal'. I'm certainly not 'normal' by academic standards but then again I don't believe those standards have any validlity to begin with.
To look at it another way, would you let an 'insane' person make a psyscological diagnosis about yourself that you would have any belief in? I doubt it.

I am not so-much normal in social standards and communicative standards. I am more disabled in terms of interacting. Actually more in terms of reacting to what happens. Which is one reason I stay away from doing so much. Which is why I don't go for a job, or continue school or something. But yet want to go back. Because I can see it through my imagination that it will work. But I open my eyes to reality and see a different aspect, and I want to tell myself I can go through it comfortably, but then there is a tense feeling that puts me back into the shell for time being. A shell made of glass to see things and curtains to close when needed. For a while the curtains were closed more so than open.