im a newbie and would appreciate advice

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Hi i tried to post this yesterday but came unstuck.
I am an NT female, although can relate strongly to your comments and feelings, so wonder??
Anyway I have a male friend, younger than myself who is undiagnosed, but we think has Aspergers. I always thought he was just shy, moody, whatever, but he is such a good guy and we shared interests that we have become friends.
I would really appreciate advice on helping him to feel comfortable in the friendship, for example I understand he needs his downtime, I do too, but is it ok to send a text to say I am there if he needs anything, or is that likely to throw him?
Sometimes he doesnt respond and then never refers to the incident again, so I dont, its not important, I just enjoy his company when hes ready, is this ok also.
Any advice would be great, thanks
A respectful newbie

Welcome to wrongplanet marshmellow (loving the name),

It's probably OK to text your friend to let him know that you're available if he needs anything. However, hen I'm not in the mood for company, I usually ignore any messages/phone calls. In this case, I do not notice the message until days later, when it does not
seem appropriate to respond. Over the last couple of years I have learnt not to answer any question after a specific amount of time, as this usually leads to great confusion.
Anyway, I tend to appreciate a couple of positive words every now and then.

It's good that you're letting him know that you enjoy spending time with him, and that you respect and understand his need for some alone-time. He probably appreciates the fact that you gives him his space, and most likely respects you for beeing a good friend. (even though he might not mention it that often)


-Alexa

Thanks Alexa, for the welcome and the advice.Any other comments on how to be a good friend are most welcome

I think it's really nice of you to take that extra step in your friendship. He's lucky to have you as a friend, and I doubt he'll be thrown by such a friendly gesture. In regards to his not responding to you, perhaps he has trouble expressing his appreciation of you emotionally. Assuming this is true, he's likely to be aware of this difficulty and will try to compensate in other ways. So, try not to take it too personally if his way of showing appreciation isn't readily apparent in the usual way.

Not entirely sure how to phrase this.

If he really wants to, he can probably figure out how to 'read people' Tone, Body Language and the like. It's not TOO hard, but mixed signals can confuse things.

As others have suggested, don't take it personally, but I suspect you do not.


Additionally, at times it might seem like he is uncomfortable when he isn't.

That you really do seem to care is something that is unlikely to be missed. And that counts for a LOT. Believing that people genuinely do care about you is important to the human condition. And if someone doesn't do too well socially, it's even more important for someone to know it.


I'm throwing this out there, but it might be best if you choose otherwise. You might want to point him to the Wikipedia entry on Asperger's syndrome. It explains the condition while not neccesarily being negative about it.

And you could point him here. While this is mostly about those of us with the condition, a lot of the stuff could just as easily apply to people that are just kind of shy.


Also. I'm a little jealous that he's managed to find someone genuinely nice like you

Thanks so much for your replies, Enigmatic and Xuincherguixe.
I now feel I am on the right track, without treating him as a 'special case' after all he is an adult and deserves to be treated as one.
In fact I say to him, thank you for being my friend, and teaching me stuff.
Hope you are all ok out there in Cyberland!