Do you feel like an hybrid

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Let me explain. I've been diagnosed with AS twice but I feel like I want everything a NT wants but my Autistic side prevents me from achieving any of it. AS feels cruelly to me like I'm in the middle of being NT and Autistic. I'd prefer to have been one or the other.

I came to feel like a "hybrid" of sorts through learning how to act in NT-type situations.

Pinpoint exactly what it is about your autistic side that's preventing you from achieving what your NT side wants.

Then, figure out ways to deal with it--perhaps, social skills training.

If there is anyone you're close to at all maybe they can help you out. Or, talk about it here--with specifics.

Hope I didn't sound glib or dismissive here. I would like to help if I could.

I sort of have a lot of aspie traits, but then I could also fool you that I am an NT at times. I think my aspergers isn't terribly intense as it is in some people.

I'm barely like that to be honest. I'm not outgoing and stuff like that.

It's possible to have mild AS (just going by symptoms listed in the DSMIV) yet still feel very far from neurotypical in your "soul". At least that's how I feel about myself. It's probably due to me having one of the more rare personality types (INTP) as well as AS. Just being extremely intuitive makes me feel strange in-and-of itself because I'm always thinking and caring about things that no-one else ever seems to think about. The majority of people are very much in the "here and now", care about current culture, trends, television, etc... I'm not at all.

I can't say that I feel like a hybrid. I am all the way autistic.

I've always known I was a hybrid, a high-tech changeling. I suppose they're going to need us as some sort of cultural liaisons when the Mother Ship lands. Or maybe this is just their method of gradual colonization, as the X Files always indicated. I believe my birth parents are my real parents, but I'm fairly certain not all of my DNA came from them.

I feel like that sometimes, probably because for most of my life I've had to conform to NT life to survive. I didn't much choice in the matter.

I'm a special interesty, stimming, social difficulties female that has great eye contact and conversation skills and empathy

I have learned the fallacy of trying to conform at all costs. It causes pain and hurt. Its unnatural.

I am me and I have a mission. I must remain me to be all that I can be and to be all that I am meant to be.

I admit, I have had these fantasies of being an extraterrestrial infiltrator to save humanity from its tragic fate.
All in the name of escaping reality, back in a time when I had not found the real me yet.

Now, or at least for the moment, I have no more need for fantasies. What I really am is a hell of a lot more interesting than all that BS.

Absolutely. I work in the entertainment industry.

Yes, I dream of the day when I stop wishing I could have friends or wanting to fit in. Either that or I could just figure out how to do it, and be happy doing it. Both sides seem pretty much impossible. I can pass for NT in the world but boy do I pay a price for it later.

I feel so much like this that I've even wondered if I'm a chimera (one NT and one ASD).