I doubt speech pathology is worth the effort.

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*please note that my use of quotation marks is meant to be facetious in most cases.
I was pressured into agreeing to try out a group therapy speech program at my school. This was during my I.E.P. meeting, across the table from the manly woman who has an issue with my pragmatic speech. She has watched me "interacting with my peers" (in other words, she proctored the TOPS for me (Test of (verbal) Problem Solving for adolescents) and made me ask some random kid questions about himself.)
She found me lacking in conversational skills and she wants me to skip class once every two weeks to sit with 6 or 7 strangers and "just converse."
I am just not sure I want my manner of speaking "fixed." Can anyone provide an example of a disadvantage of pedantic speech? She believes that the reason people ignore me and won't move past the acquantance stage is my use of "big words." I'll admit that sometimes I am not a very fluent conversationalist (halting sentences, pauses after questions, etc.) I'm slow to answer, and I am pedantic...but it's just how I think! Can she fix it, or should I refuse her help and learn from observation and experience? Has anyone been helped by speech therapy?

While I am all for not pretending to be someone that you're not... there are advantages to having the verbal skills for a reciprocal conversation with your peers.

Let me put it this way. I am 31 yrs old, and am now just learning that half of the social skills that I thought that I knew were wrong. I wish that someone would have pulled me aside years ago, and gave me some tips on how to appropriately chat with my peers. It would have saved me a lot of time, and pain. I don't mean that you need to pretend to be someone that you're not all the time. It's just helpful to know how to engage people in conversation that you don't know that well, so that you can get the opportunity to make a friend. If you're offending people, or weirding them out as soon as they meet you, it makes it harder you to get a chance to let them get to know you, and become friends.

My son goes to speech therapy to help him with social language, and it has helped him a lot.

Well she said that I was very polite, but that I was so formal it was offensive. I'm not sure if that's what you meant by saying that you thought that you were behaving the right way, but that's what it seems like.

At your age I was both praised and critisized for using big words. I've learned to turn them on and off for the sake of the listener. It makes people feel bad about themselves if they don't understand your big words, and not everybody is capable of expanding their vocabulary easily. It's kind of like adjusting to less eye contact when talking to an Aspie.

Being polite is good, but you can be informally polite and formally polite and it can be helpful to learn how to do both.

This speech thing sounds like a good idea to me. Learning how doesn't mean you have to do it, and learning from other kids is probably a lot more useful and natural than from an adult trained to teach you how to speak. You might even pick up some other social skill information from the kids that could come in handy later. You're young and don't know everything you'll encounter in life (I'm old and I don't know what's coming next either). You just might find a use for this stuff that isn't obvious yet.

That sounds more like social training.

Speech therapy got me talking normally, i.e., fluently; I had very poor speech before such, and I doubt it would have improved without help.

I suppose...it can create a false sense of functioning on my part though; if you look and sound relatively normal, you're often expected "normal" from your peers.

I'm going to school to be a speech therapist. Pragmatic speech is important and aside from the "manly woman" putting you in all kinds of artificial settings here is what I'd suggest you do. Take her up on the offer yes it may seem stupid but you will learn those skills. Ask her is she could also put you in settings with familiar peers so you can learn to relate better to them and perhaps she can help you with non verbal cues. Your acquaintances might even be willing to help A it will make them look good, B you might make an actual friend. Take and use whatever she is offering to teach you....it might just be useful. One of the things I do to smoothly get by is practice practice practice....I visualize the words as pictures carefully select each word and then use it slow I know but hey it works especially if I practice before hand. Cooperation generally makes things like that pass faster.

Words words words they flow like water past my eyes I see them in my mind an encyclopedia of ideal forms.
Yes I do have AS I'm a language aspie.

As an aspie I would view any sort of social skills training as most welcome. We can always learn something new.

Vanilla_Slice

Well, there is something to be said for learning how normal people function and talk. That way you can modify your speech and talk in a way which is more likely to get them to actually listen.

For example, when I talk with my 6 year old cousin, I use smaller words, shorter sentences, and generally act more lively. It makes it easier for them to understand what I am saying. It isn't as though there is anything wrong with the way I normally talk; it just isn't going to be easily understood and processed by a six year old. So I choose to modify my speech to bring it down to his level.

Likewise, I often find it advantageous to modify my speech patterns when talking with normal people who are somewhat less mentally capable. Using big words, complex sentences, and speaking formally tends to confuse, and anger them. I find it easier to get them to listen to me and understand what I am saying if I use simpler, less formal speech. And also, if you add some emotional terms into the speech they tend to connect and listen more. For some reason, a logical conversation is boring and they will quickly lose interest. But if you include more emotional words and tones in your speech then suddenly they will listen and be more engaged.

It is just a process of figuring out what people respond best to, and then trying to communicate in a way that they will understand and relate to. The best way to describe it is that it is learning a different dialect. There is nothing wrong with your dialect, it is just advantageous to know of other dialects that are available in case you need to communicate with other people more effectively.

Also, I should point out that if somebody doesn't want to be your friend because you talk funny, then they aren't good friend material. It is better just to find somebody else who is less petty and superficial if you want a friend.

90% of the solution to a problem is identifying it in the first place. If there are aspects of your speech and behaviour that limit your opportunities, then identifying them is a valuable thing. If you are aware of them and you still do not care about the lost opportunities, then that is your choice, but at least become aware first.

To answer your question, yes- I have been helped by Speech and Language therapy. I don't think I would be where I am now without it. When I did speech and language therapy, however, the objective was not to "fix" me but rather to help me learn social skills and conventions and to help others understand me better. These skills are extremely important and unfortunately, you will need to know them. That doesn't mean that you need to change everything that you are, though. You're just learning a skill. Just think of it as an elaborate and intense drama class.

Thank you all for your imput. I have very little choice in the matter, but I was wondering how much resistance I should put up
I'll give it a try.
(Even though I agree with Tracker; I don't see why a worthwhile friend would shun me for using pedantic speech.)

I apologize, in advance, for dropping into the middle-aged habit of, "speaking from experience."

My speech and writing has a tendency to be overly pedantic. As a teen it was marked, and it was a cause of significant tension between me and my peers. I was the subject of ostracism from my peers, and it had a significant impact on my emotional and social development.

My advice, for what it is worth, would be to embrace this opportunity. While your friends will always make allowances for your quirks, your peers and colleagues are under no such obligation. Your ability to be a productive and happy person will depend as much on your ability to, "work and play well with others," as it will on your ability to form friendships.

I really only need a handful of friends to make my social life complete, but I work with dozens of peers and colleagues in my work, in my volunteering and in my recreation. I am glad that I have, over time, learned to channel my pedantry productively!

No need to apologize; experience is what I am looking for.


Well said. It makes perfect sense. That really makes me hope that speech therapy works, since I'm going to have to try regardless.


That's all I want