I need help, advice....

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Hey guys, I need some advice on how to handle a broken friendship. My two friends from college (Let's say one name is Christine and the other is Diane) ended my freshman year on bad terms. It all started one night in late April when I was hanging out in their room. Christine left to apparently doing something while it was just me and Diane. Then Christine came back with another girl and the girl said that my friend from the third floor of my dorm wanted me. I knew who she was talking about because she mentioned his Indian decent. I go upstairs and turns out he wasn't there. I went back down to knock on their door to tell them about it but they wouldn't answer yet I heard them talking to each other. When I finally saw the kid she was talking about he said he didn't want me. No one else was Indian so I knew it was him she was talking about. It was weird.

The next day, they explained that they left to meet their friend at the library. I explained to them that it was after midnight so the library was closed. They kept changing their story. A few nights later I knocked on their door again but they kept ignoring me. I tried calling their campus room but no one answer yet once again I knew they were in there. I talked to their R.A about it and we had a huge discussion about it with them. Apparently they complained that I spent too much time in their room. I visit too much. I usually visit four rooms with friends during the night after class, h.w, and extra curricular activities. I told them they should just tell me that and reason instead of setting me up and ignoring me. They wouldn't listen.

Over the next few days, I discovered that they were going around telling other people about me visiting too much. They were basically gossiping about me behind my back. My friends told me this. I decided to file an incident report against them for gossiping. The next day though after handing the papers in, I decided to drop it so I told reslife to scrap it. I wanted to make peace, not add to the conflict since this was technically my fault.

Towards the end of the year, we started to get along again but during my last day on campus for the year, Christine told me "don't talk to us because we heard some things about you." I was confused. Then they left. When we ran into each other, I asked what was going on? They refused to answer. Later that day I found out through their friend that they found out about the report I sent to reslife. They never destroyed it. They filed it anyway. That's how the year ended.

It gets a bit worse. I knew Christine's number through a friend. However, she did not know I had her number so when I called her a few days after I got home, she was made and told me never to call her number. She hung up. I tried calling a few times but no answer. I tried to message Diane by email but she won't respond. They must have thought I was the biggest stalker in the world.

My sophomore and Junior year haven't been good ones with those two. They became really immature. They stare at me all the time, laugh at me when I walk by. They even made fun of the Autism Awareness Club I created. They tell everyone bad things about me.

I became depressed when our friendship broke. Now I have strong anxiety every-time I see them on campus. My stomach feels tight. Every-time I think of them, the anxiety grows. I can't will myself out of it. I am going to be a senior in college. Have you guys been in a similar situation that I have been in. Does anyone know how I can get rid of this anxiety/ex-friend scenario? Thanks guys!

Yes, they should have. Their actions were completely immature.



How was this your fault? Instead of being direct with you about what they saw as a problem and handling it among yourselves, they lied to you and then started gossiping. IMO, you did nothing wrong.



Gee, thanks reslife.



"They became really immature"? Sounds to me like they already were.

Something similar happened to me in the sixth grade--you can see what level they are operating at.

I'm really sorry this happened. Unfortunately, people can sometimes just be jerks. As far as I'm concerned, they were/are in the wrong, not you. I know that doesn't help you now, though.

In the aforementioned sixth grade incident, I pretended that the girl in question didn't exist. She and her friends would try to accost me, and I'd walk right past them like they were invisible. It drove them all nuts. One year later she apologized.

I know it's already been two years of enduring their torments, so I'm not going to tell you to "just ignore them and they'll stop"--I can see this situation is different.

Since the main reason they're giving you trouble is the report that went to reslife, maybe you should just file another one. They are harassing you and making it difficult for you to get through college. They should not be allowed to get away with that.

Believe me, THEY started it (now I sound immature too, right? ). In all seriousness, verbal harassment and bullying should not be permitted to continue.

I don't know if this helps or not, but just know that I've been there too.

You mentioned having other friends. If there's anyone you can hang out with regularly, you should--"safety in numbers" and all that.

Don't let them ruin your Senior year. Trust me, they are not worth it. As for the anxiety, if it's getting really bad you should see the campus counselor.

Take care. I hope things get better. Please let us know how things go.

Honestly, find some more mature individuals to invest your time, mental and emotional effort in.
Also, the lying to you about being wanted by your friend to get you out so they could lock the door on you..

That's the "we dont want contact with you" sign.

Your young, they're young, you will not in the next five or ten years actually get a straight answer from them as to 'why', because they know they're in the wrong, rise above it, rise above them and the situation, its hard, but its a choice, where you put your focus.

And be accountable for your own choices, They did not want you around, they went at it like children instead of communicative adults, but you didn't leave alone. that was not right either IMO.

Just get on in life, because there's no "back", only the illusion of it.