How do I become a more responsive person?

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So someone tells me something, and I frequently reply with the word "interesting" or "i can see how you're interested in this" or "i can see how" or "I see" or "=)" or "good =)" or various other cliche words that mean nothing.

If they're talking about X, then I'll sometimes make a reference to X, but I'll often just say "X is [some cliche word]" or "i'm glad you like X" or whatever.

Of course, they turn me into a void, even though I'm often actively absorbing what they say into my database of what each person has said/done. Sometimes I say those things when someone tells me something I don't like, but sometimes I also say those things when someone tells me something I actually do like (but I don't have anything creative to say at the moment).

So how can I become more responsive to people? Any ideas?

I know that asking questions helps, but I sometimes don't want to ask too many questions.

I think that's actually real good. That is ping-ponging it back and forth.

In fact, I'd say what you don't want is an excellent Rachel Meadows interview that's heavily content oriented. That's too much. That's overwhelming (or it's good for written, or good for presentation, but it's not good for a regular back-and-forth conversation).

It sounds like you're doing very well at making chit-chat, but don't know how to take the conversations that truly interest you deeper.

If you're in a conversation that is more interesting you can try actually talking about that subject, so it's a two way discussion of one thing...as opposed to just listening to, or delivering a monologue. Asking questions is one technique, but also adding a supporting fact to some point they are making, or taking a more devil's advocate role and bringing up an argument against what they are saying. If you want to have a two way conversation you don't want to go too far with the devl's advocate thing.

Some examples would be:

That's very interesting to me as well, one of my favorite books/authors/etc about this is X. (You could then ask them if they are familiar with that book/person whatever).

"Yes, I completely agree with your point about X, did you ever consider XYZ are also connected and really it makes more sense if you look at them this way." (adding a supporting argument to their point)

"I agree with you on this, but have you heard what X has to say about this? He's wrong especially when you consider Y." (Devils Advocate in that you're bringing up an opposing viewpoint, but you're not disagreeing, just wanting to keep the conversation going or bring it up a notch).

I don't know if this is the kind of thing you're looking for here. I'm not in the spectrum, myself (but not NT either), so sometimes I misunderstand Aspie questions and go the wrong direction with my answers. At least I make an honest effort and can learn.

I thank you for your participation. You are potentially a bridge person and thus can be very, very valuable for us.

(and I agree with you that a little bit of devil's advocate goes a long way)

And I keep thinking that we're making it too complicated.

It's like a world class tennis player, and yet all you need to do in the particular situation is to go out and hit the ball around.

You don't need to show off. You don't need to "audition" for friendship. In fact, that kind of thing is usually counterproductive

I agree with the statement that you don't need to audition for friendship.

I'm an NT, and I would be angry with someone who didn't think my "uh huh"s were enough.

Well, you started one of the most offensive threads on this forum, and your apology aside, I still find it offensive. That aside, you do seem to be interested in learning and I appreciate your apology. I admire you for having the guts to give it.

That said, I'm still feeling very very off put by the sheer negativity and hostile atmosphere on this forum since I joined.

I get told that my expressions, and nodding or shaking my head are confused. I nod when I understand something, not because I agree with it, although I am not conscious of doing it.

I try talking more, even if I end up sounding like Eliza ("What makes you say ... X?", etc)

I think many people do that, Aspie, 'Normal,' Different in Different Ways, Etc, Etc. In fact, I think nodding when you understand something is a good way of building on an idea, and there'll be plenty of time later to casually consider whether you really, really agree with it.

I agree that we should not need to meet some mythical standard of being 'responsive' in order to be accepted as full and equal human beings.

I musta missed something.....