Many and one in the same, who am I?

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I've been more and more occupied with thoughts around my situation and I'm not really sure where to go for answers..

See, I'm diagnosed AS. That's all good.
But I'm also diagnosed with ADD. And Tourettes.
This poses a problem in that it's technically impossible.
AS and ADD are per definition mutually exclusive and can't be diagnosed in presence of the other. Just as Tourettes.
So am I just in the grey zone of having neither of these?

Well, when I was 18 I was sent to a school for AS people, and they defined me as "stereotypical AS". Which, coming from a school with a Very good reputation makes a point in having AS.
And I do exhibit all the things you'd expect,
I can't look people in the eyes. I disappear in my hyper focus whenever I engage in my special interests. I don't pass the salt when asked if I can reach it. I don't understand small talk. I walk like I was made of only knees. I express myself like a butler and it seems perfectly natural to vacuum a carpet for an hour and just not be bothered with the floor.

So I got AS then, with traits of ADD and Tourettes..?
Well, no. When I'm comfortable at home and not jacked up over the moon on my medication (Concerta, +130mg.) I'm rambling words without meaning, repeating weird things in weird voices (This month it's company names, if they were German and made a jingle..) and I have to close the windows at night. Properly. A few times. So the cat doesn't put her head through and the clasp falls off, killing her. Not to mention the horrors of arranging the tableware to avoid disaster should they fall out, someone slip on them hit the head on the table and I'd be responsible for their death. Nevermind the lack of anyone actually being able to slip in the first place.

So Tourettes traits..? I call it full blown.

To finish that off, when I'm not stuck in some weird ritual and the rambling fades a bit my ADD kicks in. We go on cat safaris in the apartment. I still need to finish that painting,reading that book, fixing that tap, figure out why I have 10meters of differently colored wire in the living room and at some point I've promised myself to take out the recycle pile.. I also need to make those calls about my tooth that broke three weeks ago, call my mother and figure out where my notebooks are. Come to think of it I'm not sure where the pens are either. And I should've showered, brushed my teeth and gone to work two hours ago. Forgot. Again...
I'll just finish this up......


Now. With all that said, I feel split.
There's AS in me working to keep things structured and organized.
While there's ADD going wild and dragging me around.
And this is topped off with rudeness, rituals and rhymes..

I don't feel like I'm in control of myself at all times. It's like I'm torn into three. Not three different people, just three me. Three sides of me in the same way a biker can have a soft side.
It's a constant battle in my head about how to feel about things, where one might say that the statistical chance for a triple diagnosis is null and I'm just fooling myself thinking I'm not normal.
While another states that this is messed up, people are weird but I'm even weirder.
Maybe scientist could have better use for the brain.
And the third part just goes schmoobly, pistagiones für alles!

To top this off I have nightly torments of images that are not mine.
Forcing myself to feel the things felt by those I hear about that have known the dreadful things man is capable of.. They come like a night terror as I lay down in bed. But I'm not asleep. And I can't seem to stop my demons from driving me to tears.


So I ask. Who am I? Where do I belong?
And as my eyes tear up slightly I wonder; will I ever find peace of mind or am I destined to live out my days in constant struggle with my demons?

Perhaps you have OCD?

Give the poor guy a fourth thing to deal with.... I like your style.

Welcome to WrongPlanet, and welcome to my Mid-60s time warp.

Lots of Aspies have ADHD traits but don't always get diagnosed with it because it's considered part of the AS. I really don't why some doctors DX both and others don't, maybe it depends on the severity of the ADHD traits? I wouldn't even consider these three different diagnoses., if you're really concerned about having that many. They are technically, of course, but all different manifestations of the same affliction, IMO. At least very closely related. So you probably will be struggling with this all your life, just try to look at it as less of a struggle. I know that probably sounds condescending considering all of the things you just described but what else can you really do? I am this same way, exactly. I feel like I go in a ton of different directions and I'm always getting pulled back and forth. It's just the way your brain works and it's really not all that uncommon.

Don't forget about all of the advantages of the way you think.

Last edited by MotownDangerPants on 18 Jun 2010, 10:59 am, edited 4 times in total.

I seem to recall Tony Attwood saying he's seen diagnosis in which it is a balance between ADD, AS, Tourette's, and OCD. He also said a lot of AS diagnosed also meet diagnosis for OCD. I know he said ADHD and AS are not mutually exclusive and there can be good treatments when both are present.

I didn't think about it that way, I just thought he might have it. If it's ADD, then it's a case of finding the right meds (right?), but if it's OCD therapy is supposed to help and if it's both then a joined method is needed.

Sorry Scrambled, I didn't intend increased stress. My brain is a bit messed up at the moment.

I know man. I was just yanking your chain. The guy posted that he was worried about being diagnosed with three things and then you threw a fourth into the mix. It made me chuckle like mad. I almost suggested that he sounded Schizo-typal to make it a fifth but luckily the devil left me before I replied to the post.

Maybe you're just... yourself.