could i possibly have Asperger?

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Let me start off by telling you a little about my history. I was kinda a hyper-active child to the point were most people found me annoying and excluded me. i would also seem to put strong, random and unexplainable memories to particular objects and even to this day if i see the object, i would get a feeling of intense rememberance but never actualy know what it was but it was usualy tied with an emotion. such as i see a particular lamp or something and i get a intense feeling of fear but i have no idea what it is that im afraid of. Also, ive always had and still do have a very big imagination. when i was younger even up to like the 9th grade, sometimes i would get so engrossed in my imagination, i would do things like sit at my dest and play with my pencil like it was a space ship or something like that. and when i was really young, i would have... unexplainable imaginitive moments. Like i would hide under my blanket on the floor and if i would go outside of it, i would catch on fire or something like that. Completely pretend and knowing that i wouldent actualy catch on fire if i did but its just something odd that i dont think most kids would imagine.

I grew up with very few friends. When i got older, i sorta grew out of my hyperactive state and became the opposite. quiet, socialy withdrawn, and no desire to really leave my house even if it was to go do something fun. Now that im older, im more open to talking to people but i have trouble with things such as feeling empathy. I can see peoples emotions through facial expressions and can know if there happy or sad, but i just dont "sence" their feelings. I also have trouble just holding conversations naturaly. Such as i have to constantly think about what they said, and what ill say next rather than just have my responses come impulsively, this also leads to lack of emotion when i talk. i dont talk monotoned but i could say something that would sound like something someone would say when there mad or happy or scared, but i would just have a calm, collective tone to it. I also hardly ever have any impulsive facial expressions. i usualy have to force a smile when im happy or force a laugh when i hear something funny. Honistly, i have hardly any impulsion what so-ever. like ill always try to do the right thing becouse i can see the benofites of doing the right thing, but i never do it becouse its something i feel i need to do. Also i can never naturaly make eye contact, and whenever i do try to force eye contact, i get an intence feeling to look away, even if its a good, long-time friend. I've also never had any good luck with relationships. My longest relationship ive ever had lasted a 3 months out of about the 5 ive been in, shortest being about 2 weeks. I would keep getting the same answer from the girls i dated. "theres just something about you." This is what really made me start to wonder about myself

Im also a very open minded person to the point were i can spend hours pondering about difforant thoughts and philosophys. mostly thinking about the mind and how people think. I can even get into such deep thoguht that i will become fixated on it to the point were ill pace back and forth in my room, completely obliviouse to the world. One other thing is, if i hear or say a word or phrase, sometimes ill keep repeating it over and over in my head for no reason. it could have no pattern or rythem to it, ill just continuely play it over and over in my head and sometimes ill actualy catch myself muttering it under my breath over and over again. I would also have... idk the best way to explain it. not really nervus twitches, but like if i was sitting in a chair, i would do something like put both my legs up and sit in a feeble position.

Ive also been very negitive on myself in my young adult life. ive never seen anything good about myself really. This has lead to being diognosed with mild depression. Ive never really been good at anything even when i try my hardest. it also seems like no matter how much i practice on something, i never get any better, this is especialy apparent with things that require good hand eye coordination like hitting a baseball, throwing a ball, playing videogames or hand-writing.

so, now im an 18 year old, just graduated form a high school college prep accademy with honors, yet i still retain alot of my socialy awkwardness and a majority of the things from my last two paragraphs. I was reading online about what causes social awkwardness and came across Asperger syndrome. It seemed to me that i fit alot of the cryteria for it and i was wondering, do you think after what i explained, there could be a possibility that i could have it? Thankyou for your time.

also, i tried explaining this to the best of my knowlage in my above post but couldent quite get the words right. but i found this post from someone else and after reading it, i feel exactly the same way pretty much word for word exept for the bad grades part, i was able to force myself to learn but it was really difficult. heres the post

I think I am definitely social phobic or is it Avoidant personality disorder.

I could not work with phones in a workplace and I don't even like to use the phone at home if someone is listening etc or may be listening.

When in social situations, I feel that I have to think a lot and that my mind is in overdrive.
The thing is, that I can turn anything into a debate in detail, but that is fatiguing.
I could talk for hours with the right people.

So, I'm not actually sure why I can think about and analyse evrything.
I like to know why things work, I like to know how things work.
I always reach a limit though, where I just get bored, hence why I did terrible at school and I have to learn at my own pace.

Didn't read a word you said....

With saying that, it's always possible.

The question I'd always pose to someone who perhaps were to look down the ASD path is: do you think you have verbal autism? Autism is as an incapacity to develop an affective and emotional based relationship with other people. Talking doesn't do much in regards to whether you can develop social and emotional based relations with others.

Oh, that post you quoted sounds familiar

The mission continues in all of us.

its not so much that im saying i have it or believe i have it. im just trying to figure out how im wired becouse i know most people dont feel how i feel. ive tried explaining how i feel and think and act to people and nobody can figure out waht im talking about or just have a stumped (and slightly wierded out) look on there face. im just trying to weigh all the possibilitys. all i want is peace of mind in just knowing what it is about me.

Why don't you try some of the online tests mentioned here:

http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt113459.html

especially the BAP Test and the AQ Test and the Aspie Quiz (at the bottom of the list)?

These are not diagnostic tests, but they do tend to indicate whether you have significant Asperger personality traits. To qualify for a diagnosis, you need a range of Asperger personality traits AND a significant clinical impairment as a result (e.g. you have difficulty functioning in school, home, or work life). Some people can score above the "Asperger line" in those tests and still not have a disorder, because they have found a niche in life where they are happy (e.g. a mathematics faculty at a university, or computer programming). This is especially true for people who grew up before Asperger's syndrome was recognised in the English-speaking world.

I really like that description of autism, because it really captures, well, what autism is for me. That is, what I see in what I read about autism that most makes me say "yes, that's me".

Keeping this reply short because it's off topic.

To the OP, I agree that trying one of the online quizes is a good place to start.

You can also try, just reading about autism and asperger's and seeing what clicks. It's not a black and white have for don't think, but a whole spectrum, so, it's possible that there will be stuff that helps you understand yourself even if you don't have a diagnosable disorder.