I think I bottle things up for many years ad the suddenly dump it all including the things upsetting me..it happens all at once and people think I changed but I simply stopped putting up with stuff.
I had an obsession with dogs and had 3 dogs, well looked after, walked a lot, played a lot and drew pictures of them. All of a sudden this year I could not do dogs anymore )o: One was old anyway and was so immobile the vet thought it better to pts. Then I gave one back to a rescue after 5 years. I think I can keep the little one and be a good owner but I just stopped being able to commit everything to the dogs. It was like a wvae carrying me somewhere and throwing all the heavy stuff away weighing me down. I flipped the other weekend and shouted swore and insulted my husband until he agreed to move house (I even threatened him) on account of the noise around us upsetting me including dogs barking in other houses. Now we are house hunting and houses are my obsession..I know nearly all the houses for sale and their locations all over outer Harlow and Bishops Stortford!
I will be all right for about 5 years ..must try not to start things I know I will give up. The only thing that is constant in my life is my house routines and being organised about everything I do. I dont have time to be sociable but I know how to do it if I have to. Fortunately my husband a depressive has not got much volition and goes along with my transformations..I never really know who I am going to be in the next house.
My theory on why I have never been diagnosed is that my parents were fairly similar and did not know I had a problem as I seemed normal to them. They had no brothers and sisters to compare themselves with. My brother ad sister are like me too. I was clever at school and stayed out of trouble but I was left out of cliques a lot. Since the menopause and having brought up two boys I have started to become lacking in emotion again, more impulsive and bossy. I dream of quietness nothing ever seems quiet enough. We are looking for a garden surrounded by thick trees,no trampolines, paddling pools or basket ball boards but as I dont drive we need to be near amenities...quite difficult really..
03 Jul 2010, 9:50 am
