A change in my life messes up everything

Post Reply New Topic

I know that people on the Spectrum have difficulty coping with change, but I have notice something specific regarding changes with me. Whenever there is a change in my life, such as moving into a new home, beginning a new relationship, or starting a new job, EVERYTHING feels as if it is affected. I feel like I am Alice in Wonderland. I start a new job, for instance, and my home feels different; it doesn't feel like the same place, everything looks and feels different to me. My friends and family seem to change. One change in my life seems to invade everything other area of my life and it's overwhelming.

As a result, I become terribly disorganized, absent-minded, more reclusive, and I cling more tightly to my Aspie obssessions in order to regain a sense or familiarity. I've often coped with it by consciously trying to convince myself, and often others that nothing changed at all, meaning if I move into a new apartment, I will never say to people, "Come see my new place." I will instead just invite someone over and pretend as much as possible that I have always lived there.

Anyway, I just began dating someone and I am experiencing this all-consuming weirdness again. I am so spacy that I accidently flooded the restroom at my office. I don't know what day or time it is and all I want to do is sleep and be alone. As is usual with life-changes for me, people seem unpredicable, I'm a nervous wreak, and feel like I am going to explode or jump out of my skin.

Are any other people on the Spectrum affected by changes in this crazy way?

Yes. I am definitely affected the same way. A change like that shakes up my view of everything and I become very spacy and disorganized. You are not alone.

Stress does that to me and I've been very stressed lately. I think getting time alone and extra sleep are excellent ways of dealing with stress as long as it doesn't interfere with your life.

I've got ADHD not an ASD so change is something I crave. Lack of change can stress me, but not to that point. When my children or other loved ones have problems I can get stressed enough to need to sleep it off or be alone. Normally I like being around people.

My husband and I (both have AS) are definitely this way. I get panicked and depressed, and get really pushy re: my routines and special interests. Things like taking care of chores or myself get ignored. He gets anxious and depressed and turns into "mr business no fun guy", and visiting people (even people he WANTS to see) or taking ANY time for ANYTHING except the "to do" list go ignored.
You're not alone there.
We haven't come up with a way to deal with it, maybe someone else has? I'd REALLY like to know how to deal.

Me too.

i am unusual among aspies in that i have all my life instigated change as a control mechanism, when i don't know how to resolve things in my life. i used to move all the time, for instance. i didn't know what was wrong - i just would see myself in the same rut and try to start over. and ever since i was a kid i would rearrange my furniture all the time, and still do. if i feel like i'm losing control in some other area, or i can't find things, or i can't make sense of my physical environment or keep it clean, i hit the delete button and start over.

when there is externally imposed change (i lose a job or a friend or stop dating someone etc) i tend to get very depressed. and i never deal with these sorts of changes any better over time, just worse, as i feel the cumulative frustration of the same failures i have been through before, but don't know how to do anything differently. but any unusual amount of anxiety (which can be from just about anything, big changes as mentioned above or just general concern about managing my life or money or continued problems i don't know how to resolve) i will start getting really confused and as you say, more spacey than usual. that's when my sensory sensitivities start to really go haywire, my skin itches terribly and i'm much more sensitive to sounds. i'm easily confused in general and when i am in an unfamiliar environment sometimes feel like i'm on acid. if i "give in" to it it's much easier to deal with. if i respond to stress by thinking too hard about it i become almost pathologically irritable. like being in handcuffs and trying to yank my hands out and just causing more pain.

it is hard for me to really feel accustomed to or comfortable with anything. so maybe this is similar to what you're talking about. a disruption in my life could, yes, make me suddenly "unfamiliar" with my own apartment.