Do you feel dead inside?

Post Reply New Topic

LOL, I know that sounds depressing. I do, and I always have but it doesn't necessarily depress me. It USED to depress me before I realized that this is probably due to AS and I'm not just an empty shell of person. I feel like I've already lived my entire life AND the lives of many different people inside of my own mind.

This doesn't mean i'm going to give up on actually living a REAL life, I don't have enough real life experience for a 25 year old and I want more but I know that I'm probably always going to feel like a robot. I still choose to try and bond with people as much as i can and be a good friend even though I'm not sure if I'll ever feel connections they way other people do.

Anyone else?

Feel? I am dead inside.

I feel that way a lot. Ever since I turned 18 and finished high school, I've had this thought that I lived out everything there is to live and nothing could possibly be next. I feel like I've hit a brick wall.

I used to feel that way, but I don't anymore.

For me, high school was the furthest thing away from fun. I spent the last 2 years counting down the days until I leave

I've tried to explain these feelings to many people in my life and I always got very negative and silly or non-sympathetic responses which made me feel even worse.

dead. empty. distant. alien. and then sometimes like the only real person on earth - which is a contradiction.

dead? because we dont feel something that we either perceive or have been told others feel, or perhaps feel it a different way. Alien? because we base what humanity is on our experience, no matter how we say it, its like society are the aliens, even if it is us who are. people think we are always depressed but that is only part true. we normally run on different hormones, or more specifically a different balance of the same hormones, which is only to be expected to be the case when the issue is genetic, and genes are instructions on how to and when to produce how much of this protien that enzyme or the other hormone. So to try to change all of that with neurological drugs might do more harm than good. Those balances may upset other balances that we rely on. The answer if you ask me, is to accept the way you are and find your own methods to acheive a natural high. find ways of feeling good and not so empty that are not based on hat you see in NTs and what you have been told is normal. Like NTs our brains have ways to make ourselves feel pleasure and fulfilment. The difference is that we need to do different things or in different ways to acheive the feelings.

I did when I didn't fit in and cared about it. It was devastating.

Nowadays I feel really free. There's literally nothing that's not possible for me to do. If people think what I like and do is weird that's their problem, not mine.

I'm not really dead, because I don't decay. I had Fetor Hepaticus when I was teen, but now it's ok.
I feel somewhat dead mentally. I find my life pointless that should have ended few years ago. This world is programmed without me. Maybe someone There Above made some mistake.
This is how I feel.

I feel like I'm not wholly engrossed in the world and the people around me like other people are.

It's like an existential WTF kind of feeling that I've had ever since I was 15 or so. It took me that long to realize how strange it is that I exist at all, or that anything exists really. The world is always kind of fuzzy/hazy, like a dream I might wake up from some day. Nothing is ever totally solid or makes total sense any more. It's that odd dreamlike feeling that seems to dampen any positive emotion I experience. It's like the feeling is there but not quite. I have to be intensely focused on something before I can distract myself from this feeling.

I can sort-of remember getting up before my parents were up when I was 6 or 7 years old and waking out of sleep. I remember how solid and bright things felt then. It felt like my family, my bedroom, my toys, etc... all those aspects of my surroundings would be there for me indefinitely. I couldn't think far enough to notice how strange life really is.