are you sometimes scared of you?

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i mean do you have crazy over the top thoughts and you know your better then what your thinking but you can't stop. like you have 2 people living inside of you, and neither one of them you like.
and you just think about it then you cry cause you think how could you think of a thing. ( this isn't about me) but i figure some people must think like this sometimes even if the nt or a.s or m,r or any thing human.

Nope, I think "crazy over the top thoughts" but I don't really know better. I understand that people don't like these thoughts but I consider myself more than capable of being "bad" although I have very little in terms of actions which would deserve such labeling.

yuppp

I'm not scared of me, but a lot of times I feel like other people are scared of me - like they "walk on eggshells" around me.

Sometimes I get scared that my darker side will take over completely, and ruin everything.

I have not had a meltdown since my twenties. But sooner or later someone is going to set me off. If it gets violent I have the potential to really hurt someone I am 6'2" 295 lbs. In high school I choked someone in a fight to the point he had a coughing fit. As I was leaving I called him a looser and he called me a ret*d so I stomped on his face while he was still on his back. The whole fight was over him calling me a ret*d and he did at again after an @sswhooping so I snapped. His parents tried to have me arrested but we were both minors and we left the school grounds together so we were considered mutual combatants. The same thing happened in the civil case his parents put against my parents. The judge did not like the idea of this kid bullying a special education student. I had two teachers statements how I tried avoiding him but he always hunted me down to torment me. I also had copies of complaints made to the principle by me and my parents that were pretty much ignored,parents should of counter sued for the harrassment and mental trauma I recieved from him.

like occasionally when i'm walking along a high up bridge, my mind will start involuntarily contemplating jumping, and then the analytical part will start taking in details of the area below and try to determine the best spot to hit if i want it to be probably instant death. and all the while i'm sorta disturbed by such lines of thought because i'm actually a pretty happy person and in no way suicidal at all .

sometimes it feels sorta like there's an alternate darker flip side to my personality lurking in my subconscious and the thoughts from that side just sorta bubble to the surface at time. Not like voices or anything, but just whenever i catch myself being morbidly curious, or randomly thinking things that seem utterly wrong and out of character for me. Things like, what would happen, if i were to randomly gut someone like a fish in the street with a paring knife or example. Thinking over the widespread consequences of such an action, and semi-fascinated at how with disturbing ease, and just momentary slip of control and/or sanity, someone can both ruin their own future, destroy someone else's, and affect deeply the multitude of others who are connected to them. Though after some introspection, i suppose it's not actually these horrible things i'm fascinated with, so much as just the psychological factors behind them, since incidentally i'm also very interested by just people and how the mind: works, reasons, responds. Our human nature, the pathos & ethos, etc. How the mind can flex and break, and the very subtle thin line between sanity and madness. The duality and hypocrisy that lies in all our inner beings. The countless facets and components that make up an individual's personality so that no two will ever be exactly alike. The brain is an amazing thing. An ever-changing, evolving thing of seeming boundless possibility. A beautiful patchwork of order and chaos, perception and reality, conscious and subconscious, sanity and insanity, and simply trying to distinguish any one element in any of the the pairs from it's counterpart in any significant sort of way.

You could be describing intrusive thoughts; intrusive thoughts are typical with AS because many people with AS have a hyper active brain, and intrusive thoughts are very much ocd.

I was scared of myself, last summer, as a punk but I'm not, now.

I agree with Seanmw.

I'm happy, and have a great family, but when I'm driving down the road I'll wonder what it'd be like to have a head-on collision with the guy who sped past me going well over the speed limit. Or I'll wonder what a knife would feel like slitting my throat. I'm not suicidal, just curious. Morbidly so.

I like watching NCIS, Criminal Minds, and The Mentalist just so I can see how they figure out who did it. I don't really like the gore, just the scientific side and here I am wondering if it'd hurt...

Last year I was visiting a friends downtown appartment on the 30th floor or something and I started getting really dizzy while being out on the balcony. I used to love hieghts, I have jumped 70' cliffs and enjoyed any high floor but this diziness scared the crap out of me. It's like everything I know about not jumping was be overided in a dizzy spell and I would make a dyslexic decision to jump!! ! That was f'd