Anyone else flip flop on autism?

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Since I started considering autism as an explanation of me and going through the diagnostic process I have been flip flopping on whether or not I am reading into my traits too much. Whether I am seeing autism in myself when its really not there.

It isn't helped by what seems to be a subjective diagnosis process a psychiatrist goes through to decide if you are or are not autistic.

Anyone else go through this?



Side note: This forum both helps and hurts. Lol.

Helps when I hear stories from members that sound so much like me, burts when I hear stories from other members who struggle so much more than me. Please don't misunderstand me, this forum is the first time I have ever felt like I belonged in an online group, so very happy to be here.

Check the differential diagnoses. You could be schizoid instead.

This happens to me, too. I think it's only natural.

There are definitely good days and bad days.

If it's a good day, I can convince myself that there is nothing 'different' about me, that I'm imagining everything. I'm due to go for my assessment in 12 days, and I still have days when I sit and think that I'm wasting everyone's time and I'm going to go in, be told that I am absolutely NT and that the way I feel is 'normal'. It doesn't help that reading things online is very different to experiencing them. I fit so closely with descriptions of autism, and the experiences of people on here, but I don't know how NTs are supposed to experience the world and what makes them different to autistic people. So, how can I be sure I'm not viewing everything from an NT perspective? For more than 2.5 decades, I thought I was.

But then I have to interact with someone and I mess up, or I find myself wearing my sunglasses indoors because I can't focus otherwise, or I say something to my husband that I realise must sound utterly ridiculous, or I get overwhelmed by a 'special interest' and can't get past it, or I can't cope with being in the house because it's slightly messy, or I have to take my daughter somewhere with a crowd and I can't handle it very well (but then, neither can she!), or something unexpected happens and I get really upset by the change in routine, or I'm forced to sleep under a thick duvet, in pyjamas, on the hottest night of the year because I can't relax without the pressure, and when any of that happens, I'm reminded that there is a reason I'm doing this.

I think it's natural to have these doubts. After all, if you are anything like me then you've spent your life just believing you're a 'normal' person. You haven't had labels or any indication that anything is different about you. So, it's going to take some adjustment to really believe otherwise.

Deep down, I really believe that I am autistic. It's 100% belief. I really don't see any other alternative. But, I do worry that I'm going to be wasting everyone's time in a couple of weeks when I go for my assessment.

I also believed, until a couple of days ago, that I was going to be told I'm NT and my husband (who hadn't had much to say on this whole process) would be like "Well, that's that then, let's move on". I felt that even he didn't really believe what I was saying, and just thought it was my latest 'fad'. We hadn't spoken about it enough. In fact, when the topic came up the other day he was the one who said "I'm so sure that you do have autism. The signs have always been there, I just didn't realise". He's been pointing out a lot of stuff, recently, that I didn't even realise I did - very rigid thoughts, for example, that I had thought were 'normal'.

Do you have outside perspectives like that to help?

have you checked this other thread?
viewtopic.php?t=320544

in a nutshell, it's a big and resounding "yes" to your question

if you don't feel comfortable interacting with those here who face more difficult challenges, just let them be, and don't worry. i've noticed that there are usually others who will say something, and they're good at it

I have gone back and forth and that is tough. I don't really do that now, unless I'm in a bitchy, defensive mood What made it more difficult is my parents have no interest in admitting I have emotions and that I'm a separate person. So I have no statements from them to assist with a diagnosis, since it doesn't occur to them how helpful this are of exploration is to me. I stopped seeing my therapist because I'm happier now and have little to discuss, but autism was always the context we spoke in. Discussing "autistic traits" seemed about as far as he could go, and he would keep asking if I spoke with my parents, but I couldn't resolve the issues with them. So, personally, I consider myself on the spectrum, but I dislike not having a clear answer for things

Thanks guys, I feel a lot better about having the flip flop.

anagram, 100% certain I am not shizoid. I am not "cold, and indifferent". I just struggle expressing my emotions. I am not "passive in the face of unfavorable situations" if anything I can get quite agitated, especially when I think something is unfair. I am not " unable to develop accurate impressions of how well I get along with others". I know exactly how well I get along and always have. I don't have a "lack of meaningful communication with other people". I am just selective about who I communicate with and how (for example I prefer written to audio, prefer audio to video).

Just to name a few reasons why it doesnt fit me.

Talking through some of the social awkwardness with someone today who said at first they understood because they were shy as well. Then I explained my proccess for dealing with high fives and they didn't equate it with simple shyness anymore

"If I am not expecting one when someone does it I will stare blankly at their hand and go through a concious mental process to figure out what I should do.

(hand is out, why? High five? Should i do something? Ok, he wants me to high 5 too. Ok lets do it. Ready, set, go) Of course by the time my hand is up their hand is back down and I am high fiving nothing and they think I am an a**hole or an idiot.

Over the years I have learned to adapt by trying to anticipate when a high 5 will be expected. Like watching a sports match. If I notice the team my viewing partner supports is heading to a score I will mentally prepare for the high 5. I keep one eye on the screen and one on the viewing partner. I try to time my hand raising for when I think theirs will be raised."

I suppose that could be a shizoid thing too. But in my case I just don't think shizoid fits.

Regarding my original comment that it "hurts when I hear stories from other members who struggle so much more than me". I meant only that it hurts in the sense it makes me 2nd guess whether I have autism because they struggle much more than I do. It doesn't make me uncomfortable to engage with them though.

I am sure as time progresses the 2nd guessing will fade away.

kind of, but then i went for the initial test (to see if i needed a specialist diagnosis) and they said (and i quote) "well by this theres no way in hell you arn't autistic, but the specialist diagnosis will tell you exactly where you fit on that spectrum". and that stopped any doubt at all. especially when my dad said that that explains a lot. i was still surprised though, it didn't seem real till you know...all that happened.

that was actually something the other "an" in the thread suggested, not me

i am familiar with schizoid pd though. it's pretty simple: if you do have asd, then whether or not you have schizoid pd becomes a nearly philosophical matter. it won't make any real difference beyond that. so it's nothing to dwell on


maybe, maybe not. but as long as you don't outright reject and deny the very possibility and plausibility of asd, you'll get used to it. certainty is not necessary for the knowledge and awareness to be helpful

Sorry, got the names mixed up.

Definitely not rejecting ASD. when I said the 2nd guessing would fade away I was referring to the doubting I have ASD would fade away. Letting me fully accept it.

When I first learned about Asperger's, I flip-flopped between: Asperger's, Schizoid Personality Disorder, Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder, Sensory Processing Disorder and General Anxiety Disorder.

I can relate to this. Not doubting I have autism per say, but thinking sometimes some of my traits are because of not getting enough sleep. Or that I am just being lazy. Or just making up excuses. Stuff like that.

Whether or not you get diagnosed, my suggestion is not to be autism a huge central part of your life or identity.
Accept that you have some autistic traits that make you somewhat different from the majority of people.
But don't get caught up in autism, it's not that important.

Greetings. When I got my assessment three months ago, I thought I had autism, like ASD - level one since I read the DSM-V. But then the psychologist asked if I have heard of social (pragmatic) communication disorder and I said no. Basically, the people who write the DSM said "oh, some people get diagnosed with PDD-NOS because they don't have repetitive and/or restrictive behaviour, so we need a category to fit this" and boom, it got created. I was so concerned that she would say I only have social communication disorder because I only talked about my intense interest(s) and routines and didn't bring up that I like hugging people or that I feel pain with heat that most people don't (blow dryers are my enemy) or that water that is on me that isn't after a shower, swimming, or rain feels like flies on me; pain. So I was afraid of not fitting the criteria, and then not being able to get services because social communication disorder isn't as recognized as autism is, but they both have social issues. But I was still diagnosed with ASD so once that got out of the way, I was good. But became concerned with this as a possibility.

That might be easier for someone that can function with autistic traits vs someone that suffers everyday because of it. Though I see your point, kind of a self fulfilling prophecy if you will, tell yourself you have bad social skills and you have bad social skills. Still my point is that it can be a big deal but even in the worse of cases, I find people are somewhat forgiving of peoples problems because they have them too. If someone doesn't want anything to do with me because I am autistic then I really don't want anything to do with them. I can over look minor flaws in people, I would hope that they can do the same.

I think that having autism as a big part of your identity - not huge, but big - can help, however. I spent my whole life believing I was capable and just not reaching what I was capable of, and I felt constantly embarrassed and stressed by what was essentially a lifelong 'fight'. Since I embraced autism, whether or not I turn out to actually be autistic, my life has been easier, less stressful, less embarrassing. I haven't felt like I'm fighting any more - I give in, allow myself the accommodations that I need, and though it makes me less 'capable' than I otherwise believed I was, I'm also much happier for it.

When you spend your life measuring yourself against someone else's yard stick, and accepting autism lets you measure yourself against your own and accept that you are not going to ever be the person that you've spent so many years fighting to be, that can actually be a help rather than a hindrance.

If you've spent your whole life trying and truly believing, and it still hasn't worked, then it's ok to 'let up' and 'give in', I think.

I don't consider autism much of a part of my identity.
It is a diagnosis on a medical file somewhere.
My successes and failures are not from autism, they are mostly from me, with elements of good or bad luck and randomness.
I accept myself as myself, try to get better at what I think I should get better at, don't have much desire to be someone else.