NT's ethos in the workplace

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I will be looking for a new job soon and have been thinking on how to conduct myself in a new job. I have been thinking that it is very important for people at work to like me. So if I start a new job I must have in the forefront of my mind the idea that I must get the people I am working with to like me.

Then I wondered about that. And I concluded that this cannot be what NT's do in the workplace. I am sure they are not constantly trying to make people like them. Instead I think their ethos is: Don't give anyone at work a reason to dislike me (for the most part at least). This is very different from trying to get people to like you. And I think it explains a few things about how NT's interact. It may explain their pleasentries to each other. Those (mainly) false "how are yous?" and "How was your weekend?" are tactics they use to reduce the possibility that people will dislike them.

I wonder if I could do that just like they do? Does anyone think I am correct in what I am saying about NT's? Could you do this?

I think so. Yes. All those NT pleasantries actually serve a purpose.

NT's at work are neither concerned with being especially liked -OR- not disliked. If they cared about not being disliked then there would never be any bullies at work, which there very obviously are, and the bullies don't seem to suffer from being disliked.

The horrible truth is that NT's at work are really trying to become POWERFUL.

They figure out who the powerful people there are and ingratiate themselves to that person, always agreeing with them. They also "cover their ass" which means they seek to frame other people to take the blame for their mistakes. They have to be two-faced, ingratiating themselves to the powerful people while being snobby to the people that no one else seems to like. If you become friendly with someone that other people have rejected, you'll be rejected together with them.

The most important things to NT's is forming political/social alliances with the right cliques or managers.

There is some irony in your question. Since inter-personal relations are a issue with aspies asking aspies how NTs inter-relate seems like a gamble. But what the heck.

Usually the work atmosphere is set by a few key players, one being the boss, and the other a couple of 'alpha dogs' that keep the social hierarchy intact. Upset that hierarchy and you're doomed. Figure out that hierarchy early own and you can find a comfort zone. Don't make the alpha dogs look bad to the boss. The boss doesn't have to like you if he likes your work. The alpha dogs need to at least accept you but having them like you is better.

Of course, being aspie, your challenge is to read the situation, find out who the alphas are and find out what keeps the boss happy with your work in spite of any deficits in social skills.

One more thing, watch out for the sniveling weasels that will poison your image to the alphas. They aren't in every workplace, but they can really make life miserable when they are around.

From the two responses above it looks like I am well on the wrong track. I am giving NT's less credit I suppose. So instead of avoiding dislike, NT's actively seek safety with their managers and the "in crowd". Hmmmm I don't think I could achieve that. I usually have no idea that there is an "in crowd". And even if I did know it I wouldn't want to join it anyway. I suppose I am doomed in the workplace I will never achieve in any other way than just doing my job. I cannot ass lick, I cannot even pretend to like people if I don't. I am dire when it comes to having conversations with managers.

So for the most part do you think NT's are constantly on the look out for what will give them a leg up? They must be more worn out than we are! Unless its just natural for them.

I don't know. There was one guy I used to work with who would very unsubtly pile on the ass lickings to superiors and 'alpha' keypins without compunction. He was a bit of a coke addled psycho though, and a little bully to everyone else, but managed to keep his job longer than I did

Personally, I find that sort of behaviour disgusting.

I think my problem is that I need to have a boss I actually respect, and I've not come across one yet.

So for the most part do you think that NT's are constantly on the lookout for what will give them a leg up?

YES. YES. YES absolutely yes.

If you read any workplace magazine or article meant for NT's, that is the entire sum total of everything they discuss. It's all about how to best other people at complex social interactions vying for status and power. It's all about bolstering the egos of those who have power, and never forming alliances with others who are out of favor with those who currently have power.

The cartoon "Dilbert" is eerily accurate for larger corporate workplaces.

All NT serious articles on workplace issues focus entirely on social maneuvering. NONE of them focus on how to do your work better or be liked.

Sadly I think Molly is right for the most part

I also noticed some of the behaviors she describes, because I was affected by it a few times. Luckily tho there is also a few nice NTs who don't have that kind of ambition and who are just happy to do their job, one of them helped me against one of those like Molly describes (she told the manager it was me she wanted there to work with her), all I wanted to do was my job that I was enjoying, but the other girl had decided she wanted my job, and after reading Molly's message, I realise it was probably for strategic reasons, because I was in contact with a lot of people, who potentially could have been employers for other jobs and also I was learning a lot there. I was lucky also because my boss was a good person, he was a manager, but he wasn't this kind of people like you describe, he was always pretty much alone in his office, and he was nice and polite with us and always appreciated my work. Looking back, I think he was probably Aspie himself.

If something like that happens to you my simple advice would be to keep doing your job the best you can, if you have a boss who can appreciate then you should be fine. There is surely many people like Molly describes, but there is usually a few good ones around too, at least from my experience.

Good luck with your new job

Shadi

Am I the only one here who thinks that work is so overrated? I am 34 and having worked before and been subject to those idiotic NT's, (lets face it they are all a bunch of pricks) I personally dont intend to ever get another job as long as i live. Spending five days a week with a bunch of twats I dont even like doing tasks that bore the crap out of me is not my cup of tea.