Small School vs Large School. I need some insight.

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My son is 4 years old (diagnosed with mild/moderate autism). In the next year or two, he will be starting kindergarten. I am trying to raise my son up treating him as I think I would treat any other child I have (he is my one and only for now), but when it comes to school, I get a little scared. Nathan has been at the same daycare for about two and a half years now, so the kids all know him and love him regardless of his "odd" speach and behavior. I know it is going to be a difficult transition to take him from daycare to school. Although he has his quirks and pretty bad echolalia, these kids all love him. My fear is that once he is in school with kids of varying ages that do not know him, he will be picked on or ostricized for his behavior. This scares me to death. I want to cry just thinking of the idea of kids being mean to my little guy.

So here's my question:

I grew up in a city of around 45,000 people with overcrowded, low-ranking performance schools, but I now live in a town of only 4,000 (scary, I know). I communte to work to a city about 20 minutes away with a population of around 35,000. Me and my boyfriend are talking about getting our own place in the near future and I have always said I do not want to stay in the tiny town I live in now (my boyfriend was actually born and raised in this little place) and would like to move to the city where I work. The thing is, I am wondering what would be the best option for my son. He is most important. I don't know if it would be better to move to the bigger city (which does have good public education) and just put him in a highly populated school out there or if I should stay in the small town (which has a good school as well, but I think the total population of all students from kindergarten to 12th grade is only around 400). I don't know what would be better for him.

So...

I would like some opinions from both parents and those on the spectrum. Given the social and communication difficulties of autism, would it be a better option to have my son go to school in the small town or the larger city? Which would/did you prefer personally?

Any responses are greatly appreciated! Thank you!

I think it depends on your son's symptoms and how much support he will need in school.
I have Asperger's Syndrome, and I went to a large secondary school, and absolutely hated it. I will be doing homeschool over the internet this upcoming school year.

IMO I think a small school will be good so that way if he needs help then he will be more adapt to get it.

Choosing a living environment on the basis of the size of the school seems like the wrong way to go. You need to look at the supports that are available, not the size of the school. Some large schools do not have adequate supports; some small schools do. I can't really relate to the sizes you're talking about, though, since I live in a major metropolitan area, and the suburban townships have more people than the "city" you refer to. Each of the high schools (in the suburbs) has over a thousand students.

You need to have access to proper speech and language supports (this does not mean articulation; it means pragmatics and social skills, and possibly writing supports for organizing thoughts); OT supports (if necessary), and autism support. The supports need to be available not only for your child, but for his teachers - his teachers will need to have support to learn how to include him successfully in the classroom, and teach him in ways that he will be able to learn. Depending on his particular strengths and weaknesses, he may need to have a teacher use his areas of interest as tools for teaching various subject materials. Some schools are open to bringing in outside experts to train teachers in various teaching methodologies; others are not. You need a school that is going to be both open and flexible, and structured. You also need a school that is willing to work with parents as partners, rather than one that sees parents as adversaries. It is also important that whatever school you choose has a culture of inclusion, and that they understand that "difference" does not mean "lesser." In some school districts, students with learning needs are still seen as being "less than" the other students, and their curriculum is watered down, they are separated from the other students (whether or not it makes any sense), and there is a one-size-fits-none "special ed" program, instead of the individualized accommodation and modification that is supposed to be developed to meet the needs of children with special needs. None of this is dependent on the size of the school - it is dependent on the quality of the school district, the administrators and the teachers.

The most important thing for me was finding the best option that included a well-established inclusion culture AND alternative curriculum options because I am not into the mainstream paradigm at all.

The only reason that my son is going to school at all is because he likes the structure and routine of school AND being around kids. Plus we can't afford speech and occupational therapy or social skills classes so we need public school to access those kinds of resources.

Although I've since learned that we could access those things AND homeschool at the same time. Any sign of bullying or any type of discrimination from ANYONE at his school and that's what we'll do.

Smaller is better for Tenzin. He doesn't like large groups and gets easily distracted with too much activity. We were lucky that our neighborhood school has a Montessori program AND inclusion. He's getting a lot of support.

I think you have to do your homework. Visit schools in the neighborhoods that you are looking at in both areas, talk as many of the people involved as you can. The principal at the schools is a key player too. The principal sets the tone. Look for someone who has a vested interest in inclusion, tolerance and compassion.

I didn't even look at a school if they had a separate special ed. program for kids on I.E.P.'s .

I agree with what jat said, too.

I'd say small school, but it really depends on who is running it and your son's symptoms. My personal case; I was homeschooled by my mother until 3rd grade (plus appointments therapists), than went to a tiny specialized elementary school for learning disabled with grades kindergarten-6th grade with only 128 students in the entire school per year, than in 6th grade-half of 7th I was in a parochial school (bad move...) & than went to a (in my opinion) larger public school (graduating class of 256). Starting him somewhere small & than increasing the school's size as he develops & succeeds will probably be easier for him. I've seen for a fact that when autistic kids are in chaotic environments they can develop self-destructive coping mechanisms. So, I'd say if your going to move; try and find a small school to send him too first (research). If he must attend a public institution hopefully he will be okay. If it goes really bad, fight the district (be a royal pain in the ***) until they send your son to an environment you approve of. If you are and extreme pain & he struggles to the point where they cannot handle him they should move him. Look into what is available in the area you want to move to and go from there.

I have inquired about the programs available through the school districts (waiting for responses now), but I guess my question is more in regards to his comfort. I am worried that a larger school with many students may overlook my son because they are so busy. Like, he would get lost in the mix. I'm also concerned that more children mean more of a chance for my son to be picked on for his differences (I know it only takes one bully to make a person miserable, so that can happen at a school of any size, but...). I'm also worried that being around so many children would be overwhelming and confusing for him, and would ultimately cause him a lot of stress and anxiety and he would nt be able to excel.

On the other side, I want my son to have a normal and exciting/interesting childhood and schooling experience, and I see attending a large school with lots of people and activities to be the more "traditional" route. I don't know why I hadn't considered this all long ago, but my son just turned four a few weeks ago and it just hit me that I need to start thinking about schools and whatnot before I make a decision like moving.

But I definitely agree that the resources and programs the district have is the most important consideration when picking out a good school. I'm waiting for a response back from the smaller school district right now. I'm hoping I hear something back from them this week...

I think that a small school would be better, for hm, than a large school.

I'm in a similar situation to the OP except that my son is already at school in a city. I will be moving within the year, for work, and am starting now to consider where I will go although I won't be able to apply until mid-December. I am drawn to a post on a small island where the primary school has about 60-70 pupils in the whole school. My son would be there for a couple of years before starting secondary school which has about 1,000 pupils and is a short ferry journey away.

I've been checking out the schools' websites and the official reports on both schools and so far they look promising, but there is no detailed information about provision for children with Asperger's and Autism. I'm in the UK and someone else has suggested that I contact NAS to see if they can put in contact with local groups so that I can get in touch with parents with children at those schools to see what their experiences have been.

In addition, when the holidays are over, I intend to contact both schools, explain the situation and ask if I can visit and speak to the Head Teacher and any other professionals involved with children with ASDs.

Although my son has always lived in the city and is happy in his current school which has about 60 children in each year group and 30 to a class, he does well in small communities where he knows people and they know him.

I think the OP is very right to be thinking ahead on this one, and to take the time to check out all the various options. As far as moving is concerned, for me, I will only go to a place if the schools are going to be good for my son.

I understand your concern. My son is 4.5 and has a very scattered profile so I if I ever move to another school district, my concern will be on their history of placement/services. Try to contact a local independent resource agency, or maybe a support group for parents of kids on the spectrum. Often, parents will be blunt with about their school district. However, I would look for schools that specialize in children with autism, ask about their philosophy/approaches, look at your son's profile-what are his strengths?areas in need of development? then tour schools that are appropriate. I would also look at classroom ratio (a big factor for me as my son needs small class size & environment in order to focus).
Just as a personal note, when I started looking at preschool placement, I enrolled my son in a larger school exclusively for kids on the spectrum, aged 2-13, and around 160 kids. When I took him to visit the classroom, I noticed he was not comfortable there, sensorially too much. I transferred him to a preschool for kid with communication disorders, only four classrooms, related services mainly in the classroom,ect. and he's thriving. For me, a critical factor is how my son reacts to the environment he is suppose to attend and learn in. To appease your mind, specialized schools (at least where I am, Hudson Valley,NY) tend to focus on the "normalization" idea- kids paint, go to karate, have birthday parties, go on trips... I have never felt my son was missing something and he had teachers who knew how to make his school experience a positive one- socially,cognitively and emotionally. Good luck on your search!

I've been at both. I would argue that it depends on how well your son can adapt and blend in.

A large school has a statistically better chance of him meeting a group of people who accept him.

A smaller school may be easier for him to handle and teachers may be able to give him more support.

Both types of school will be cliquey. I don't think you can avoid that, wherever you send him.

I personally preferred my large school, but then I was quite young when I left it (9). Maybe in my teens it would have been hell. I entered into a very small cliquey school in a different country where all the girls had known each other since birth. That made it very hard. However, if your son is entering school fresh at the same time as everyone else, those cliques hopefully won't have been formed already.

I would suggest one thing though; send him to the school closest to you. Travelling hours each way in the morning and afternoon can be very draining (just like commuting to work).