Compensation by overpoliteness?

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We hear about people being very blunt because of not knowing what to do in social situations, but does anyone here feel they may compensate by overpoliteness? (Saying "sorry" whether or not you're sure it's necessary, constantly asking people if you have offended them, being formal, deferential, or whatever...those are just examples.)

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Official diagnosis: ADHD, synesthesia. Aspie quiz result (unofficial test): Like Frodo--I'm a halfling? 110/200 NT, 109/200 Aspie.

I do that all the time. It usually backfires.

I use to call other adults "Mr." or "Mrs." when it would be more appropriate to call them by their first name.

constantly-I get asked what am I apologizing for because I dont want to offend people or knowingly hurt someone.

I'm FAR more formally polite than necessary. Even when I lived in Charleston, I got told regularly that, "you are the most polite person I've ever known." In CHARLESTON! Where they still think Rhett was unbearably rude to Scarlett! (although in a roguishly charming way, of course. He was Southern, after all.)

I make sure to not say anything that I think might get someone offended, even if it won't offend them...

I do this, too. I find myself being overly polite, accommodating, and just generally too *nice* to others. I've developed some skill in telling others what they want to hear, or at least what I *think* they want to hear. However, I'm hopeless when it comes to asserting myself, and standing up for my own rights. Unfortunately, my inner child is deeply damaged by bullying and ridicule, and she has far too much influence over my behavior, and how I see myself. She frequently manages to convince me that I don't really *have* rights, that I'm only valuable as far as I can please others. This conviction renders it nearly impossible for me to extend my social skills beyond the people pleasing realm. The positive side of this is that others tend to view me as very reliable and dependable. Unfortunately, it also means that I'm viewed as spineless, and probably not too bright. It means that others see me as a doormat for others to wipe their feet on as they see fit. It means that I'm regularly taken advantage of, and nobody *really* respects or appreciates me.
Moreover, social interactions can often be tedious and difficult. Saying what the other person/s want/s to hear simplifies matters, at least in that moment. As long as I say all the "right" things, the conversations are likely to follow a particular pattern, one that I've developed some degree of familiarity with. Thus, I'm more likely to know the "script," and what my own lines are within said script. If I stand up for myself, or I express an opinion that may piss someone off, the script is likely to change. If that happens, I won't know my lines, and I've always been hopeless at improvising. Thus, it seems easiest to keep things simple, and just say whatever is most likely to please the other person/s, regardless of how self-defeating this course of action may be for me. It doesn't help that I can get so focused on successfully making it through an interaction, I sometimes don't notice when I'm being taken advantage of until after the interaction has been concluded. At that point, I may think of what I *should* have said in order to demonstrate more than a shred of self respect, but it's generally too late at that point.
I'm not sure if I communicated my point clearly here. Anyway, my point is that I can relate.

YES! I do that all the time. People tell me I say sorry and thank you too much, and my response is to say that I'm sorry for doing that!

I used to apologize for stuff I had nothing to do with. Someone broke me of that when I was still in elementary school, and now I'm often the opposite. Grass, abrasive, and don't apologize when I should.

All the time, as I'm pretty formal, though at times I can be rather blunt.

I am always saying please, thank you, I am sooo sorry, and the whole gambit of different ways of being verbally nice. But it has pulled my butt out of the fire many of times.

Wow you guys are ever reading my mind tonight. Yes, I find that in an effort to appease the NTs, to make bosses happier, is just shut up be nice and work work work. Boy was I wrong. Soooooo wrong. This seem to make them more angry with me for some odd reason. I've just wasted two years of my life, working for Sting Queen. She F makes SCROOGE look like the patron saint of generosity! SCROOGE. Like I opened the store early for her, and she hires a fat ret*d that doesn't even show up to replace me. Because she likes me doing the chores. (I actually get things done). She hires an angry ditz who screwed up her life drinking, (that she even sneaks to the washroom during breaks to drink, AFTER she goes on her smoke break. Ummm no no, you use the washroom DURING your break. She even gave a raise to a person she knew stole from her.

This is not an isolated case. Everywhere I work, there seems to be persecutions, for instance this evil girl who I don't even know. Just because I do things differently. I haven't even interacted with her in any manner. She convinces everyone to agree to kick me out of class. So then I over compensate, I appear like a freaky smiley guy.

I give it my all to be the positive partner in any relationship, and yet, I'm burnt all the time. Workers take advantage of me saying "I just leave it there because I know that you'd pick it up.

It's sickening the slothfulness of the NT genotype. Cowardly and weak.

I am usually overformal in my interactions to the point where I feel I seem stiff and wooden. But when I try to drop the formalities I become rather blunt and rude. It seems that I don't know how to find a comfortable middle between the two.

My personality was shaped around others in order to survive. Natural autistic expression resulted in me being humiliated and abused by my adopted parents.

Consequently, and like most folks I know in self-help groups, I camouflaged my natural self/orientation behind a persona where politeness was the key ingredient.

Paradoxically, living my life entirely around the needs of others in order to survive, got me so depressed, that I stumbled into my childhood suffering and felt at great depth the horrors that resulted in me burying my self away.

The grieving process enabled me to move beyond offering a pseudo-empathic front to others, and continues to teach me compassion for myself and others.........this compassion has nothing to do with the fearful frightened self that previously just seeked to get by in life by being polite.

However, having HFA I find it difficult to show empathy, and often have to resort to acting out the very genuinely held interior expression of it.

I hate confrontation so much I won't tell people what I really think if it's going to cause trouble, so mostly I just listen. If I have to I will work hard to come up with something tactful and that's exhausting. I have been told numerous times that I'm "too nice" because people feel free to take advantage. Lately I've been standing up for my needs and find myself apologizing for it immediately after.