How to express annoyance to someone you love

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aerofan_1
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18 Jul 2010, 4:30 pm

Hey everyone.

Hope you're doing well.
I was wondering how to go about this situation. How does one go about showing annoyance and frustration to someone that they love?

I'm tlaking about my older sister. We don't live in the same country and so a few times a year I go to visit her ad hang out for a few days. It's not too far a trip (6 hour flight isn't too bad) but she NEVER comes to see me. This isn't the bad thing (the climate where she lives is FAR nicer than it is here in the uk)
The problem I have with her is that I make a lot of effort to see her (book time from my research work etc) and when I was there last for a weekend (I didn't go especially to see her, I had business to do) she came to the town where I have an apartment and didn't come to see me! I mean, I've come all that way and she is almost right next door and doesn't come in to see me?

How do I put across to her that I felt bad about it - as if she doesn't care about seeing me when I make all the effort all the time?
I don't want to make her mad at me, rather, I want to put across that I'm upset about it.

Thanks everyone for any advice.
af_1



Moog
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18 Jul 2010, 4:52 pm

Tell her exactly how you feel? Make sure to express to her how much your relationship means to you. Maybe she doesn't know you care that much. Maybe she thought you might be busy. I don't know, there's a lot of possibilities that your post doesn't cover. Perhaps next time, try extending an invitation instead of waiting to be called on.

But if she didn't actually want to see you, there's not much you can do. How does she feel about you? You don't want to force people to come and see you when they don't want to. In which case forgive and forget, and turn your energies to something else.


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ooOoOoOAnaOoOoOoo
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18 Jul 2010, 4:57 pm

This kind of stuff happens with my cousins, they go to football games that are only a few miles from where I live and don't even mention they are coming (I only hear they were here later). They don't call to say they will be in time or anything and this has been going on a while so I just shrug it off and don't even care anymore.
With your sis, I guess what you can do is make it very clear you want to spend more time with her, maybe ask why she doesn't try to get together more often. People don't like it when others make a big deal about past events, so you can focus on today and tomorrow. Say something like, "I want to spend more time with my favorite sis, when can we get together?" or "I can't believe you came all that way and didn't even call to say hi, shame on you!".
See what she says then.



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18 Jul 2010, 5:24 pm

First of all, tell her that you love her, and than follow up, telling her how you feel, in the nicest way possible.


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