Should I tell this woman I have aspergers? She's an NT

Post Reply New Topic

I've known this woman for a few years, and she's pretty cool (for an NT). She thinks I'm "wierd" but in a good way, I can tell she likes my quirks. She always asks me to do stuff with her, jokes with me, makes fun of me in a flirty way etc.

Yet I can tell sometimes the wheels are spinning in her head when she looks at me..."why is he different like that...hmmm..." she thinks to herself.

I was thinking of telling her I have aspergers, but I'm afriad it might change how she sees me. Then again if it does, mabye she wasn't worth having around to begin with?

I would like to tell her I am an aspie, should I do it? And if yes, how should I go about explaining it to her? Thanks.

If she's curious, sure. She doesn't seem to mind weird; if she has a name for it, it's only outright prejudice that'd make her reject you (in which case, you're right, you probably don't want her around).

Have you discussed various kinds of neurodiversity with her before? You can often tell how someone will react to AS by seeing how they react to more common weird-brain issues like dyslexia or ADHD.

Mention that you want her to know because you're worried you might be confusing her, and that you figure she'd prefer to know what's up with you. You might explain some specific issues you have that she might benefit from knowing about. And you could mention that autism spectrum disorders are quite common, and not like the over-dramatic awareness ads--with one in a hundred, she's probably met quite a few people with ASDs that she didn't know had them.

I have told them, but I have learned that they can use that information against me if a relationship turns bad. For that reason, I am picky about who I tell. You could go with a precursor and just say something like "I'm sorry you didn't like that, I tend to be a social ret*d." People know exactly what you mean when you say that you are a social ret*d. If you say aspergers, they probably don't know what it is and may ever become fearful of your presence. Just be sure that when you say you are a social ret*d that you choose your words carefully such that there is no way she can think you are calling her a social ret*d.

Tell her and see what happens. If she's really a friend it won't change the way she views you; except she may be more considerate of your issues.

I'm having a similar debate about telling family and some close friends right now. It really is the fear of their perspective of me changing so drastically when a label is attached.

I would say you'll going to likely have to evaluate this on a personal level, but if you choose to tell her make sure you can give her some info on AS if she's not educated on the disorder already.

I'm actually beginning to be offended that some people seem to be ashamed of their AS, or so fearful of other people's opinions that their reaction to the very idea of disclosure is "SsSssShHhHHh! Don't tell anyone! They'll think we're freaks and be mean to us!"

News flash, kids: They already think you're a freak. No matter how well you think you're hiding it and pretending to be one of the mythical NT - the people around you all know you're different., even if they aren't saying anything to your face. They roll their eyes at each other behind your back, and ask each other "What's that dork's deal?" when you're out of the room. Many of them may actually like you, but they know you're different.

Just reread the original post - this woman already knows the OP is unusual. Here's the bald-faced truth: You can either go on letting the others around you think you're odd because its just your individual personality to be a goofball, or you can let them know that there's a reason why you are that way and that there are actually quite a few others just like you. If they know what it is and how many of us there are, they're much more likely to accept our existence and shrug it off. When they think its only you, you're a much easier target for intolerance and bullying. After all, you're just one lone weirdo.

I for one am not ashamed of my condition and couldn't care less if people know. I've been accepted by some and bullied by others all my life and even I didn't know what made me the odd person I was. Telling people has not made the bad any worse, but in a few cases has made communication much better. High Functioning Autism will only be accepted when its understood and the public can't understand it unless they see multiple examples of it in everyday life. How can they ever know that they are seeing it, much less what they're seeing if we keep it a hidden mystery?

If she's accepting of your quirks, why not? I've told people and it really hasn't changed things much, though I'd recommend only telling it to people you trust.

Your need to disclose may depend on how obvious your autism is. If it's very easy to hide, you may need to disclose because it affects your relationships with others when you can't [do NT-style activity X] and nobody expects you to need any accommodations; if it's impossible to hide, your friends will already know you're disabled, and probably that you're autistic. Only in the middle do things tend to get sticky: What to do if you're just autistic enough to be judged eccentric, but not enough for the autism to be glaringly obvious?

I avoid discussing it with people most of the time. I have mentioned it a few times to my friends since joining this site and nobody ever does anything about it. I get no more rejection or sympathy. I like it that way. I think that people should try to understand me for what I am with or without a diagnosis. I also have found some people who don't like hearing about mental disorders because they think they are loads of crap. So I would avoid it most of the time anyways.

I think the issue isn't that I'm in any way ashamed of AS, but instead frustrated to the point of avoidance of the lack of understanding/knowledge people have about it.