Meltdowns...?

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I've never had a meltdown, at least none that fit the descriptions I've read for them. Shutdown is a more accurate description for what happens in my case as a result of sensory overload: tunnel vision, warped hearing, etc (it's difficult to describe because I am so close to "unconscious" when such a thing happens, it seems like I simultaneously perceive everything and nothing). The closest I have come to meltdown is telling everybody to "please be quiet" and then pacing around in a darkened room for an hour .

Do you have "meltdowns"? What are they like?

I don't know if this counts, but I tend to get extremely irritable and then I want to shut myself off from all contact for a while. I lock the door to my room and don't like to be interrupted.

I used to have them when I was younger. They stopped being so frequent around the age of seventeen, and now happen less than once a month.

When I was very small, they looked pretty much like regular tantrums, with the exception that I wasn't being manipulative because I had literally forgotten that other people existed, and couldn't be calmed until the thing had burned itself out.

As I got older, the physical kicking and such (uncoordinated, not actually aimed at anybody) got less intense and I started simply breaking down and crying. The violent tantrums came back during a few years when my parents thought it was a good idea to pin me down when I had them; but after that I learned more to predict them and get away before I lost control, and hopefully have my meltdown in private.

Nowadays, when I have one, it's a matter of not being able to stand up very well, or sit; and generally I end up on the floor eventually, crying pretty much uncontrollably. I think it has to do with processing being overloaded and not having enough brain space left over to coordinate holding my body in an upright position.

I have many more shutdowns than meltdowns now. But I haven't had a public meltdown in years; the worst that's happened has been at the disability services office at my college, and they know that if I can't talk or I look like I'm about to fall over, to get me back to an unused testing room and let me wait it out (usually lying on the floor) until I'm unstuck and coherent again.

Predicting and heading off meltdowns is SUCH an important skill. I can't emphasize the importance of it enough. If you have one at the wrong time, you could end up getting Tasered by the police or hurting somebody who doesn't know that it's not a good idea to try to restrain you or at the least sedated and put into a mental ward. Not a good idea to have them in public. (If you do, please please get a MedicAlert bracelet so the paramedics know what the heck is going on.)

Could someone explain to me what would count as a meltdown or shutdown?

I don't even know what shutdown is, but I have meltdowns. Boy do I ever.

Bad things happen, or you feel bad sensations, or whatever. You can't cope with the stress. You suppress it. It builds. You suppress it. It builds. You try to suppress it.

Then it reaches the point at which you can't do anything. You can keep your body under control sometimes, at the expense of being able to do anything at all. You can sometimes come back from the brink if you can be alone. But it's not something to be avoided (in private), because there's eventually no other way to deal with stress. Everything else is little, and only prolongs the inevitable. You feel awful in the leadup. You don't want this to happen.

Then everything is too much. You can no longer access social skills. You don't really care anymore about hurting other people. Sometimes you don't really think at all, or you think but your thoughts are more like "where's the nearest exit? How can I fight my way out? Can I kill them? Can I use this as a weapon? No, I should run, how do I make an opening?" I, unfortunately, do think-- about how childish I look, about how brittle I seem. I'm like a cactus-- I give no indication that anything's wrong until I explode.

It does help to think; at least I don't do anything like cause anyone harm, although I can be rude.

In my case, there are tears. There's often shouting. Deep feelings of shame, especially if it's public, and afterward. I can't make it stop, I can't function, all I can do is give vent to the feelings however possible. I don't know how long they last.

I'm always conscious, but I didn't used to be able to think. (That is to say, I'm there perceiving it, understanding it, but not really thinking. Amanda Baggs likes to say that's thought, but it isn't. It's just consciousness, alone, almost like I bet meditation would be like, except a lot less pleasant.)

Not doing it is not an option. Doing it later is sometimes an option. Doing a tiny piece, then waiting a while to have an even bigger meltdown is sometimes an option.

I now retain control of whatever's not involved in the meltdown. E.g., getting up to pace and think about special interests while sobbing uncontrollably and feeling awful.

They're built up to, usually over weeks of stress. Sometimes it can be something really fast, if it's super-stressful. (E.g., getting teeth drilled without anesthetic took me from a little tired to meltdown in less than an hour. Then I quieted it, kept myself feeling awful but alone and still and tranquil for some time. Then someone wanted me to talk about it, which meant I had the full-on meltdown burst up into flame instead of burning on low, with uncontrollable racking dry sobs.)

Afterward, it begins to de-escalate. You end up feeling pretty good, pretty hopeful. All your stress is gone. You're calm and relaxed. Eventually, it will build up again and the cycle will repeat. This is normal, it's okay. There's nothing wrong with you for having meltdowns, if you have them. They're a legitimate coping mechanism. They're like stimming-- more obvious in autistics, a good thing but often an indicator of bad things, something you shouldn't bother trying to stop but should try not to do in public.

Hi to F-H-S: “I simultaneously perceive everything & nothing.” But wrap your brain around this: What you describe sounds like the opposite of “shutdown” - - if anybody’s shut down, it’s those people. I mean like when the top of your skull is removed & bucketful after bucketful of stuff gets poured into your sensorium, and all the while they are just blithely blathering away. Know what I mean? It’s like are their brains stunted?

What you describe is what I've experienced (numerous times), as well.

I'm not sure I've ever had a full-blown meltdown, either. I know that when people really push my buttons and start to get me seriously angry, they have a tendency to back off. It takes a lot to make me mad, but when I do, I scare the crap out of people - even people who are bigger and badder than I'll ever be.

Not sure if this counts as a meltdown or not, but I wrote about it in another thread here, about reacting in a fight. Some kid picked a fight with me and managed to actually p1$$ me off. I do not remember exactly what happened after that - I literally saw nothing but red. It took 3 kids to pull me off him, and he was bloody. They told me they thought I was going to literally beat him to death.

Hmmmmmm . . . there was one other time my temper got WAY away from me. Had friends over, sitting outside by a big fire, and they started picking on me. Eventually I had enough. Went inside and got the rifle, loaded it, and went outside . . . fortunately, a VERY LARGE family friend was able to wrestle the gun away. If he hadn't been there, I might very well have gone away for multiple murder, 'cause I was planning on killing them.

Not sure if those are meltdowns, or just anger management issues, but those are the only two times I can think of that I really lost control.

ADDED:
If anyone can give any insight on whether those incidents would be considered meltdowns or not, it would be appreciated. I was able to physically function, but have very, very little recall of the events themselves.

I'm the opposite, I've never had a shutdown -- more like violent fits. I'm rather jealous of these shutdowns, so that I wouldn't make everyone so sad or hurt anyone or anything.

I don't have meltdowns or shutdowns very often. The closest I let myself get to one is where my arms will be all shaky and whatnot, then it spreads throughout my body then my body begins to go somewhat limp. Haven't let myself have a shutdown in a while because I've gotten really good at zoning out when in a stressful situation, especially when I'm at work(retail.) However I hate it when I don't have time to zone out and i get thrown into a situation for example, today one of my coworkers was helping a mac customer with a camcorder, the customer said the camcorder wasn't compatible. I knew for a fact it was and he was having a software conflict. I told my coworker to go tell him that, however my coworker wanted me to explain it. So without time to zone out I was thrown into a situation where I'm trying my best not to have a shutdown and my arms are trembling while I'm trying to explain this. Needless to say I made it through but as soon as I was done talking I walked away and found a place to calm down.

i'm not sure what to call what i have. when i get really overwhelmed it's like my ears become supersensitive to sounds and they get amplified in my head, things start speeding up: any sensory information i recieve just gets amplified, sped up and slowed down at the same time, i can't really explain it. i can feel my breathing/eye movements/facial expressions sort of building in my head, and i get what i can only call 'tunnel hearing', especially if someone's talking. also my thoughts go about twice as fast as normal, and i can't concentrate on anything but my own responses to stimuli for a couple minutes, until it goes away on its own...

I have. I can't even believe this but I had one last year at 24 years old, in public. Sort of in public-my mother's rehabilitation center. I am only a suspected Aspie(always have to say this so people don't get the wrong idea xD) but I it was like a meltdown/shutdown. I couldn't speak anymore, I was so angry that I just started banging my head against a picnic table(I know, I know xD) for about 15 minutes, and then I left. I did not say ONE WORD, I had the look of death on my face and then I just GTFO out of there. I didn't talk for the rest of that day, I don't think.

Anyway, that was pretty embarrassing because I am obviously a grown woman but I really couldn't control it. I was trying to explain something to one of her staff, and I can usually tolerate a lot nonsense from people but this guy WAS NOT LISTENING to me at all,, in fact, he was twisting my words. Thst's pretty much the worst thing you can do to me lol, I am always careful with my choice of words and I take pride in saying what I mean, so when people respond to me with something completely unwarranted that shows that they have not only ignored but have completely discarded my words and decided to present what I've said as something that DID NOT come out of my mouth, well...you can just imagine what joyous times ensue, LOL. I really, really don't like that guy.

PHEW, anyway, this happened to me very often as a kid, up until I was about 11 or 12. For me the meltdowns were usually silent, I wouldn't cry or anything, I'd just end up breaking things in my room, rocking back forth/banging my head/etc. I relate to the sensory overload, it was like I just couldn't process anymore information. I would be almost in a subconscious state of mind.

Sometimes when I eat certain things without taking my medicine I get extremely angry if someone bugs me. If they continue to bother me I get violent. I start throwing things, hitting stuff, and sometimes I hit the person who's bothering me. And sometimes I just start crying insanely if I get sad. My last one was on Thanksgiving (That's the main day where I just ugh..) I think. I hate being around my family for that long.