Was it difficult for you to adopt polite words and gestures?

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book_noodles
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27 Jul 2010, 9:55 pm

I'm very polite. I've had people tell me that I seem cold and a bit stiff in that manner. (so...manners=death?) I always say please and thank you. I can't get the hang of handshake timing though, and I dislike it to the point that I'll never initiate that gesture.


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Galt1957
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27 Jul 2010, 11:47 pm

DonDud wrote:
My parents had to work very hard to get me to learn to say things like "please" and "thank you." I'm sure I was probably 10 or 12 before I would ever use words like those. Even now, it doesn't feel entirely natural. I mean, "please" is just such a nonsense word anyway. It's obviously derived from pleasure, and can be used as a verb "to please," but in the context of asking for something, it really doesn't mean anything. How can adding a useless word to your sentence give more power to your request? The request should be able to stand on its own. In the same way, can't we just assume people are thankful without saying "thank you" all the time? Doesn't that devalue thankfulness? Save the verbal thanks for when it is especially appreciated.
I was the same way, but I've gotten more used to these words as I've gotten older, although they still feel awkward at times for some reason.


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Surya
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28 Jul 2010, 12:56 am

I say please and thank you, I had no real choice but to learn them.
It is other words, that I use that people seem to have a problem with.

Some are, fine, ok, better etc - maybe it is the context I use them in.
Like today at a restaurant;

waitress 'how is your meal'?
me 'its fine, thank you'
waitress 'are you sure? is there something wrong with it?'
me 'no I said it was fine'
waitress 'are you sure, I can take it back'
me 'no honest there is nothing wrong with it'

I want to scream when this kind of thing happens, I can list dozens of conversations like that.
What do they want me to say? That it is the most amazing (insert random food here) I have ever tasted?
Does anyone get this?

I never initiate handshaking - I actually run that in my head when I think it might happen.
gauge grip, strength, motion etc
Floppy ones make me uncomfortable, clammy and floppy is just horrible for me.



Moog
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28 Jul 2010, 4:03 am

Yes, and it was not helped by the example of my parents, and the example reflected back at me from a society that did not understand my problem. Until about the age of 25, I thought being rude and hostile was the way everyone conducted social intercourse.


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Woodpeace
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28 Jul 2010, 4:34 am

I find it easy to be polite.



Who_Am_I
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28 Jul 2010, 5:06 am

Social graces were the easiest part of social skills for me to learn. All you have to do is learn the script and follow it.
I don't have a problem with doing them. They don't take much effort, and they make people feel good/make interactions run more smoothly.

I was going to mention the origins of "please", but Willard beat me to it.


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b9
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28 Jul 2010, 8:05 am

i am told that i have few manners. i do not use the word "please" very much because i never instilled it into my verbal regimen. i use the words "thank you" in place of "please" mainly.

when i was a child i was not inclined to show appreciation for things that were done for me because i did not know that someone did not have to do what they did for me.
during adolescence, i was told time and time again that i must say "thankyou", and it felt foreign for me to say, but i none the less crafted a way of saying "thank you" that was easy for me.
i do not put the emphasis on the word "thank". i put the emphasis on the word "you".
it sounds cold and aloof as people tell me, but none the less it is the way i say it and they will have to put up with it because i am not going to crawl to people.

i have a habit (and always have had a habit) of handing things i do not want to the person closest to me.

for example: if i am reading a piece of paper, then, when i have finished reading it, i scrunch it up and hand it to the closest person to me. people always take it without thinking, and then after a few seconds, they start to think i was rude giving them my rubbish to dispose of. by that time i have usually left the room, and i hear about it later.

i have a habit of pointing to things with the expectation that someone will pick it up and hand it to me.
if someone does not get the message, i usually click my fingers and reinforce my pointing to what i want given to me.
people will then get it and give it to me, but after a few seconds they think i was very arrogant to have clicked my fingers (as i have been told later on often).

if someone compliments me, then i usually say "hmmmm" and continue my sentence without further acknowledgement. i can not see why i should say "thank you", because it took no effort for them to perceive the thing they compliment me on.

anyway it is difficult to describe the phenomena of using "thankyou" in place of "please", and it is difficult to convey the phonetic semblance of emphasizing the "you" in "thankyou" without a sound bite.

so here is a short clip of my voice where i enact the circumstance of ordering something from a cake shop. (sorry but i had to perform the female role too as i am the only one here at the moment)

http://soundclick.com/share?songid=9455442

whatever