Dealing with emotional people.

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I have a really hard time dealing with emotional people, especially anger. I've noticed they tend to say things that are illogical, which makes me freeze and get quite upset as I don't know how to deal with it.

For example, many months ago I decided to cancel my gym membership, and I was told by a member of staff that I just had to cancel my direct debit with my bank, which I did. However, I was sent two letters saying I owed them money, which I didn't as I had cancelled my membership and had not been using the service since then. So I just ignored the letters as I knew they were wrong and assumed it had been a mistake.

Then a few months ago I was at the gym and a staff member asked if I wanted to become a member, so I explained I would like to again, but I had gotten letters saying I owed them money, even though I didn't. She seemed fairly sympathetic and explained I would have to speak to her manager who wasn't in that day. My grandfather fell ill though and I ended up forgetting about the gym.

I was at the gym today and saw forms for membership, which reminded me that I wanted to join again. I asked the receptionist about joining, and explained that I was a member previously but cancelled, and was told all I had to do was cancel the direct debit with my bank, but I received a few letters saying I owed them money. The receptionist got angry, saying I should have filled in a form telling them I cancelled, etc as if it was my fault, even though the staff member did not mention anything about me needing to fill in a form. She then proceeded to berate me on how I owed them 7 months worth of membership and why was I only coming to them about it now blah blah. We left it with her telling me I had to speak to the manger who wasn't in today.

I left frustrated because I didn't understand why she was angry. She was only a receptionist, and so I'm not sure why she's emotionally invested enough to get angry over whether I owe them money or not. I understand that maybe I should have spoken to them as soon as I got the letter, but equally so, the member of staff should have told me the correct proceedure for cancelling membership, and this whole thing would have been avoided. I thought I was quite calm and rational about the whole thing, and I certainly wasn't angry that they gave me the wrong information, as I realise people make mistakes, so I really don't get why she became angry and irrational (i.e. it was my fault for not having a cancellation form, even though the staff member didn't tell me or give me one when i asked about canncelling).

When someone saying something irrational it's a though my brain gets "stuck" and doesn't know how to respond, and then I get really upset, mostly because the person seems to think they are right, and I am wrong, even though they're being irrational, and are obviously the one in the wrong, but they can't see it.

I also have a very hard time, dealing with all of that display, of anger. Cry or laugh, but don't get mad, at me.

I used to cause my problems to no end dealing with irrational people Till I watch Jerry Srpinger to try to get a better understanding of people. Needless to say all I learned was that is or is not his baby...

Back on topic.
when dealing with receptionists or other customer service people. I state my case let them yell and then restate my case pointing out what I was told and if I was told wrong I am upset to hear that but it was someone who worked here that messed up not me.

At the start of the year my PS3 died. I backed up all the info weeky so no big. I also bought a 4 year repair/replace plan for it. I took it up to the pleace I got it from and customer service lady made a melt down. She started yelling saying things like "we dont fix PS3's!" and "I should call the cops on you for faking a receipt to get a free PS3" I waited for her to be done yelling. Asked for the STORE manager (never be okay with any manager but store. Even if they are not working that day they will come in if you demand it) as I waited for him to come in she was still yelling at me so I took my phone out and recorded the rest of her rent. When the store manager came in I started off by showing him my PS3 and the receipt. told him what I was told. It turned out the guy that sold it to me was fired because he indeed was selling replacement plans they did not offer. He did replace my PS3. The customer service lady spent the whole time shooting me dirty looks, So before I left I played the tape to the store manager. Just always be ready for a fight. Hope for the best and be ready for the worest.

I tend to ignore such people (if I can) which usually pisses them off even more! Then they project their own anger on me, trying to provoke me by saying: "Ahh, look how upset/angry she is" because they can't stand being ignored. They thrive on attention, even negative!

I don't think there's any point in arguing with such people who want to be "right" at every cost, who are irrational, emotional, posturing their ego and who think that volume resolves arguments better than logic (unless they owe me something). Then one of the techniques that can be used is "broken record technique" - they repeat their own illogical claims, you repeat yours, just being persistent and nagging as they are.

Some more assertiveness techniques:

http://ezinearticles.com/?Top-Ten-Asser ... id=3592138
http://www.businessballs.com/self-confi ... veness.htm
http://www.businessballs.com/self-confi ... veness.htm

I don't talk to overly emotional people. If I am forced to deal with one, I just freeze and when I'm out of the situation I become angry.

I always want to react to those situations the way Indiana Jones did to the guy who was whirling the scimitar in Raiders.




BOOM! (thud)


StFU.

I'm guessing you aren't the only one who's had that problem. She probably been hassled by other members about the same issue and thus felt the need to defend her side. Usually people get argumentative like that when deep down they feel like they messed up but are too frustrated to admit it.