Are you very Formal?

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I find I can only communicate in a formal way. I can speak OK but never use slang, it doesnt feel comfortable. I think It might be related to childhood hyperlexia when I spoke 'like I'd swallowed a dictionary' . I have heard of this in relation to autism. I tend to speak like I'm living in the 18th Century! I don't want to bore you with my posts or everyone to think I'm a pompous know-it-all. Does anyone have the same problem or has read any explanations for this behaviour.

Yeah, having a formal or old fashioned way of speaking is common for people on the spectrum. Also, as this thread shows, a lot of people with autism have a different accent to the one they were brought up with.

As for me, I've been told that I'm 'well spoken' but I'm not pedantic when it comes to the way people use language. Maybe I am slightly formal in the way I talk, but it's not a conscious decision. I suspect the reason why a lot of people with autism sound formal or old fashioned is because they didn't interact with their peers so much in childhood, preferring to talk to adults instead, so they failed to pick up many features of their local dialect. Also, many of us probably can't easily switch between different levels of formality because we tend to be rigid, black and white thinkers who assume that there is only one correct way of talking.

I'll work on trying to loosen up then. In my speaking and thinking.

My speech is not in any way old-fashioned, nor am I unfriendly with either slang or swearing, but I've always been a stickler for pronunciation and correct grammar, its a pet peeve. I think I picked up most of my speech mannerisms from professional broadcasters because I grew up with a radio growing out of my ear - and once I got into that business, groomed my voice to emulate the people I thought came across on the air as personable and sexy to the ear.

But it irks me to no end to hear people use pronunciations like EGG ZAD JUR ATE and EGG ZAMPLE, instead of pronouncing the effin' X's

I can't stand to hear W pronounced as DUBYA or DUBBAYA, or hundred as HUNNERD or ask as AXE or nuclear as NUKALUR

things like that make me want to slap people upside tha head. and its even more maddening when I see or hear professional broadcasters and reporters do things like that - they should know better.

Last edited by Willard on 06 Aug 2010, 7:36 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I'm very formal in speech and thought, and that's the way, that I like it.

In speaking yes, in dress, no. I could care less what people think of me and if they are mean about my formal speaking, it just shows how low they are and they are probably secretly jelous becuause I sound ten times smarter than they do.

Funny thing is, people have been doing this for over a millennium. Some Old English texts have acsian (pronounced like 'axe-Ian') instead of the more common ascian (pronounced 'ash-ian'). It's funny how the two pronunciations have co-existed for so long, altho one has been regarded as 'more correct' for some obscure reason.

[/language geekiness...sorry]

Interesting, I had never read that. I'm fascinated by etymology, as well. And the origins of slang phrases.

Unfortunately, that 'axe' pronunciation, even if there's precedent for it, almost invariably goes hand in hand with a whole host of other mispronunciations and macerated grammar that can't be so easily excused and virtually always come from the same mouths.

I would'nt mind speaking in an unusual way if it didn't give the wrong impression of me thinking that I am superior in some way.
I don't think I am totally black and white or rigid in my thinking either. It probably comes over that way to the NTs who tend to think that what's going on inside us is what shows up on the outside.

I suppose being misunderstood comes with the territory.

Same here.

I feel like I communicate in a formal structure, but my actual content can be slangy and informal. If that makes any sense.

Yes, pretty much.

I say old chap, I think I am rather laid back in my speech habits, what what.

Aha, aha


In general, i'm not very formal, but there are is a time and place where extreme formality and being very clear vs using swearing both has places.

Many people have told me I am very formal in the way I speak and dress. I did not realize it was a problem until I was about twelve years old, and a few people started to accuse me of being an arrogant jerk. It probably did not help that at that time, I spoke with an unusual accent, and I still had not learned if someone is talking to someone else about something they think they are knowledgeable about, it is not a good idea to correct their mistakes and proceed to lecture everyone in the surrounding area on the subject. Most people still think I dress strangely, and frankly I don’t care as I hate the way jeans feel and like the way slacks feel (and look), but I did make an effort to make my speech less formal/odd. I still don't use a great deal of slang, but I use contractions and have lost my accent or whatever it was.

I suspect I started speaking in a way that seemed very formal to most people partly because I avoided social interaction; therefore, I was not exposed to the way other children my age spoke as much as most people are. I also had a hard time making out words and how they fit into the situation in which they were said, so when I was little, I learned many of my words from watching old movies and reruns playing on PBS and the BBC. It was easier to make out the phonetics of what people were saying and what the words meant if I was able to watch the same scene play more than once, and the way people speak in old movies and in the UK (or on BBC) tends to translate as overly formal to many people in the US, or at least where I live in the US.

I also tend to write very formally, and I think this is because writing felt so unnatural and strange to me, that the only way I was able to learn to write decently was to pay great attention to its study and to see it as a strict concrete system as much as its nature would allow.

My very formal ways had not been pointed out for a while until I joined wrong planet and started associating with other aspies in general. I relaxed and allowed myself to slip back somewhat to the way I used to talk and write. Amusingly enough, I have had more aspies tell me “it’s not good to be so formal all the time", accuse me of being hostile or cold, and tell me I need to "relax" because of the way I write/talk than non-aspies ever did/do. heh

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