How do you handle it when people just don't believe you?

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I realise that this wouldn't be all of us and I have sympathy for those who don't feel that they can pass for "normal" in some capacity at least, but for those who can, how do you take it when you tell someone about yourself and they just don't believe it?

I spent 25 years undiagnosed so I got really good at seeming normal in some respects (at least on a superficial level), but for this reason some friends I've told can't seem to accept the more odd side of me as being the result of an ASD.

I was diagnosed by specialists who saw it (Aspergers) from the moment I walked in their door, but some people seem to want to believe negative things about me in order to explain my behaviour rather than accept that an ASD could be responsible for it because I can seem perfectly acceptable (albeit a little eccentric) to them in other aspects.

Any thoughts on why this is?

How do you handle it?

I have this happen to me, many times. This is my take, on the whole thing. The people who don't believe us, think that people have to be pacing from foot to foot, Rain Man style, looking at the ground, or sitting in the corner, in wet or stinky trousers, in order to believe us. That, is the autistic look, to most people. They don't think about us good looking ones.

It is only by those of us who may appear more normal stating to others that we have AS that the public stereotype of AS will gradually begin to change from that "rain man" stereotype.

I believe your answer lies in the sentence that I bolded. Most people hate being wrong. It makes them insecure. So, they would rather go on believing whatever conclusions they've come up with, however ill informed, and in the face of mountains of evidence to the contrary sometimes, rather than change their outlook and admit they were wrong about something.

All of this is really further fueling my desire to somehow participate in ASD education in Australia.

People know nothing about it!

Perhaps if the only convenient and familiar explanation wasn't just "he's weird" this wouldn't happen quite so much.

I'm noticing that it's an increasing trend as ASD comes into the public consciousness and people with the condition feel more comfortable with declaring it publicly.

Unless there is a really important reason for them to believe me, I just let them go [fornicate] themselves.

I agree with you, Brundisium. I recently joined my local Asperger/Austism Support group. I've only been to one meeting, because they break for the summer. But, I intend to become more active in the community, educating people and increasing awareness. There really is a huge lack of knowledge and confusion among the general public,. not to mention health professionals.

I also have a goal of making a video about Asperger's from my own perspective. There's barely anything out there about women and Asperger's.

There seems to be anti label brigade, who also have an aversion to medical classifying.

But yeah I'd say they are wishing to remain right about you, rather than you telling them what is wrong with you.

They want to trust their own impressions, rather than integrate knowledge of this 'new condition' into their world view.

Some people have asked me questions, and gone off to google some answers for themselves

It would drive me nuts if they didn't believe me after like a month, it would just be a waste of time and as far as I know, it would feel like just talking to a brick wall, but hey, what can I say?

Even worse : my grandmother believe all autistic people have a mental retardation which causes them to act like violent toddlers who don't understand a thing of what's happening arround them and are mean on purpose, they can't learn anything and won't grow up and need to wear diapers until they die... by the way, she seems to believe that they are all children since she only says "autistic children are", "they are" when I talked to her about autism. There were no way to make her understand that she was completely wrong even if she knows the mother of an autistic child who seems to find it hard to deal with it.

By the way, the mother must be quite uninformed or not supportive if she believes her child cannot make any progress.

Basically, she thinks autistic children shouldn't live because it's a burden for both them and their relatives.

I hate people who think that because they know someone who has a disorder, they know everyone who has this disorder.

I know that I have Aspergers and I think that's all that matters. Honestly, I don't really give a f*ck about whether or not people believe me, if I choose to tell them at all. It just doesn't make a difference. I know what's going on in my head, I have better things to worry about, like how to organize my life, how to deal with certain sensory issues, raising two children (at least one of which are on the spectrum, possibly both are on the spectrum). If I even say it to someone, it's in passing because I'm not even really talking to them because what people say doesn't matter much to me because there's so many other things to do/worry about.

If people want to associate autism with Rain Man, that's fine. Whatever. I know what my daughter's like and the way she is is totally cool with me and she's not like Rain Man. But whatever...

What does annoy me to no avail, though, is when my hag-of-a-MIL comes over with her horsesh*t about how she's "soooooooooooo saaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad" about my daughter being on the spectrum (she says this in front of my daughter and I know my daughter knows exactly what's going on) and the hag goes on and on and on (where I just want to kick her in the teeth with my steel-toed workboots) -- I asked her exactly what she feels "sooooooooo saaaaaaaaaaaddddd" about and she didn't know....the stupid cow said that "Well, she's autistic and they're only good at some things..." As opposed to what, you stupid cow? As opposed to being like you and being good at nothing? Just f*cking blow me! Now THIS is one narrow-minded individual who chooses to see/believe that all people on the spectrum are like Rain Man.

I've had this problem for a while now it gets very annoying, and I don't handle it well at all. People don't know that the reason I function so well is because I'm pushing myself harder than they think, and when they say I'm using my DX as an excuse to be lazy I get so mad I lose it.

I don't care whether they believe me or not. I don't try to pass as NT. It gives me a headache and makes me grumpy.

I find it quite offensive. It makes me want to punch them because they are implying that im lying. Im 32 just got diagnosed but ive spent so long tryimg to look normal that i mostly do. A weird rude agressive normal but still- not rocking in the corner or screaming. Ha ha well
not much!
On the other hand i do understand it- everyone thinks autism = x, so anything not lookng like x is not autism. Even people who have heard about a/s still go ' oh but i know a boy with a/s and you're NOTHING like him. You cant have it. Female presentaion? Theres no such thing.'
i have trouble reasessing ideas i get stuck in my head; its part of a/s!! ! So i see this is the same for them. this is just a problem cos you canT drag people off to a computer and show them stuff- and anyway there is so much crap on all subjects- im sure there are sites arguing the world is flat. Its bad because we are going to be fighting this image for about 30 years.

I do think being allowed to beat people insensible with a book about female a/s is a fair idea. It would help a lot.

lol@enid.

You rule!

I just refuse to argue, and I let it roll like water, off a ducks back.