Relative difficulties of areas of functioning for Aspies

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Thought it'd be interesting to ask informally what areas of functioning tend to be relatively difficult for most people compared to other areas. I have selected some categories that are sometimes more or less challenging for Aspies and I've been wondering what the relative difficulty of them tends to be.

Could have made this into a poll, but you'd be able to select only one choice, so as it's about relative difficulty I think it would be better to ask people to rank the following categories in order 1-10. 1 = most difficult for you, 10 = most manageable for you. The categories are as follows:

- Assertiveness, self confidence, self esteem
- Conversation: keeping it going, thinking of topics etc.
- Dating, romance, marriage, sexual relations
- Driving, learning to drive (selected as an example of something requiring co-ordination/multitasking)
- Education - school/college/university, studying/exams
- Employment - finding and keeping, job interviews
- Independent living, housekeeping, home ownership
- Making friends, social life, maintaining a network of friends
- Mental health - maintaining good mental health, staying free from depression, anxiety etc.
- Sense of humour, banter, sarcasm, repartee, literal interpretations
- Finally, a space to add any other category you can think of that I may have missed (please specify/rank)

- Conversation: keeping it going, thinking of topics etc. 4, I'm not very good at keeping conversations going at all, especially when I don't see the person often, I even have an aspie friend that's marginally better at it than I am and he's more aspie than me. wut?
- Dating, romance, marriage, sexual relations 2, My love life is non-existent and boys just see me as friends. It's not a 1 because I have a friend that really likes me, but it's not mutual
- Driving, learning to drive (selected as an example of something requiring co-ordination/multitasking) I'm not sure about this one because I haven't started my driving lessons yet.
- Education - school/college/university, studying/exams 6/7, I do really good in classwork, but essays and homework tend to hold me back because I'm too disorganised.
- Employment - finding and keeping, job interviews I haven't had a proper job, but I've had placements that lasted a few months each. That was a 6, although I quite liked them the whole interacting with staff and clients wasn't the easiest bit.
- Independent living, housekeeping, home ownership I haven't lived on my own yet, but I do do quite a few things on my own so so far it's a 5.
- Making friends, social life, maintaining a network of friends 6, I have friends that I cam very close to but I don't see them often enough because I don't make enough effort.
- Mental health - maintaining good mental health, staying free from depression, anxiety etc. 3/4, used to be a lot higher but recentlynmy mental state has been messed around with to varying degrees by anxiety.
- Sense of humour, banter, sarcasm, repartee, literal interpretations 7, I get sarcasm and wit and have a dry sense of humour my self. But I find it almost impossible to join in with people having a banter session.

Converstaion: 3
Dating: 8 as I have a gf and she helps me but before her 1
Driving 10 Learned it very easily
Education : 3 Still struggeling
Employment: N/A haven't looked for a job yet
Independent living: 6, when i go away and as long as I have enough finaces i am ok
Making friends: 8, keeping them 3
Sense of humor: 8, i make people laugh

1-10. 1 = most difficult for you, 10 = most manageable for you

- Conversation: keeping it going, thinking of topics etc.
2, I find keeping conversation and makeing small talk awful and so stressful

- Dating, romance, marriage, sexual relations
2, i find it very difficult to maintain relations with people, I find it very tiring and stressful and anxiety provoking. I find dating even worse and really hate it.

- Driving, learning to drive (selected as an example of something requiring co-ordination/multitasking)
1, I was terrible at trying to drive and could not even cope with lessons, I have real difficulty judgeing what other cars are doing and even have trouble crossing roads.

- Education - school/college/university, studying/exams
9, I love studying and have done lots of university courses, its fun for me. However I left school at 14 as I had school phobia and could not cope with the stress of school.

- Employment - finding and keeping, job interviews
1, Ive never worked and even the thought of work makes me sick, I have big problems interacting with people and am not good at doing something if the supervisor has been unclear and not specific enough, Im quite 'aloof and arrogant appearing' so colleagues and superiors tend to not like me. Im very ridgid so find it hard to adapt to something spoiling my routine so shifts are tricky. I might be able to work one day if I could get a job with the same hours each day and was only about 4 hours long and not round many people.

- Independent living, housekeeping, home ownership
10, I ve lived on my own since I was 16 and I like it and could not live with someone, I find looking after myself quite easy. Though Ive had my mother help me find flats in the past and pay for deposits and bail me out when Ive mismanaged my money.

- Making friends, social life, maintaining a network of friends
2, I dont have any friends in real life and find it very stressful to have friends, I get lonely sometimes but not enough to make up for the stress that friendships create.

- Mental health - maintaining good mental health, staying free from depression, anxiety etc.
2, Ive had lots of mental health problems.

- Sense of humour, banter, sarcasm, repartee, literal interpretations
5, I do tend to take things literally and do not find most comedy programs funny, but I do like some of the comedy programs on radio 4 such as 'just a minute', I always miss sarcasm in real life and am not good at banter and if I try it, I make people upset. But I do say funny things sometimes.

- Finally, a space to add any other category you can think of that I may have missed (please specify/rank)
my add is communicating with the outside world with phone and email, Im about a 1 or 2 on this I really struggle with ringing up things such as the gas company or my mother and really hate emailing, I find it so stressful.

Learning to drive the driving instructor was so angry she slapped me on the face and that made me cry and I didn't take another lesson for 6 months(wouldn't tell anyone why)
Marriage my husband hates me I think
Conversation when I'm not monopolizing it yeah that's a problem
Education I'm working on my 2nd degree
Employment I want a job
Independent living managing me is fine managing me and my kids and a house and being Mom is HARD
making friends I have nobody to go have coffee/playdates/go shopping with/and spend a lot of time alone
Being literal yeah that's a problem but I have a sense of humor

- Conversation: keeping it going, thinking of topics etc.
3 - this is difficult in person for me. Conversations with me can fizzle out. The phone is the worst.

- Dating, romance, marriage, sexual relations
8 - I get along well one on one. I'm fairly easy going as long as I have some space. I get overwhelmed by too much intimacy. i have my own room where I hang out most of the day.

- Driving, learning to drive (selected as an example of something requiring co-ordination/multitasking)
6 - it was tricky learning how to do it, but I'm ok. A bit of an old lady behind the wheel, though.

- Education - school/college/university, studying/exams
9 - generally very easy but I'm such a slow reader that it caused problems. And APD didn't help.

- Employment - finding and keeping, job interviews
5 - my "career" has been random. I need help here.

- Independent living, housekeeping, home ownership
7 - I can manage myself, but I need help doing things like getting groceries and dealing with the powers that be. Housekeeping can be overwhelming for me so I have developed a sort of minimalist style so there's not much clutter. It helps a great deal.

- Making friends, social life, maintaining a network of friends
2 - I'm so terrible at this. Social things are where most of my problems lie. I just don't "get" it. Weddings, small talk, friendship in general, touching, etc.

- Mental health - maintaining good mental health, staying free from depression, anxiety etc.
5 - I have problems with anxiety. Decluttering helps. I used to have problems with depression but my religious/spiritual studies alleviated it (combined with moving away from a city that was way too big for me).

- Sense of humour, banter, sarcasm, repartee, literal interpretations
5 - I don't get sophisticated types of humour - it has to be on the level of what a kid thinks is funny. I like simple humour and take most things literally. Sarcasm confuses me. I'm not quick enough to do good banter. Overall though I love joking around and laughing.

Edit: Tidied it up and shortened it.
- Conversation: (2-7)
With people I don't know, I'm piss poor. Works up to about medium with coworkers, though I often forget to greet them.I'm terrible with phones. Not great with family but maybe a (5)
With my one friend and his wife I am fairly comfortable.
- Girls (4)
I've had 4 serious relationships all initiated by the girls. Most starting at work. Three times i've attempted to 'land a date' on my own and failed. Have never had anything I'd call a short term relationship - they''ve all lasted between 1 and 3 years.
- Driving (4)
Many accidents (none serious) and alot of criticism from many sources.
- Education (3)
Bad about homework (often didn't have enough instruction to feel comfortable with it) and didn't have an easy time understanding the concepts as I got into higher grades. Maybe because student interaction got worse. Maybe because I was stupid enough to pursue school in a second language (french). Got kicked out of a college class, to my confusion and dismay. I then went into a reclusive state - and didn't tell anyone.
- Employment (5.5)
I get retail jobs. It's all I've ever known. High school got me my first job (co-op). Usually the boss likes me, hires me at the interview. Supervisors quickly end up hating me. Out of 6 jobs, five have ended from meltdowns of various intensity.
- Independent living (6)
Keep myself going. Pretty bad about orderliness. Not too bad about showering and such.
- Friends, Social life, Family relations (5)
I have one good solid friend. I do a piss poor job of keeping in touch, luckily he's forgiving and puts in the effort to call me from time to time. I'm perfectly satisfied with one friend - in fact doubt I could handle another.
I'm going to include maintaining family relations here too: Same issue. I am lousy about making the effort to call them and they complain about it.
- Mental health (9)
I've got a remarkably good ability to entertain myself and distract myself from the things that ought to wreck me. I think I've only been seriously depressed once since I moved out on my own, and I got out of it pretty quick.
- banter, repartee, literal interpretations (7.5)
I've been told I have wit. And I get most jokes but often don't find them funny or particularly appropriate / sensible. I've asked about or looked up meanings of many common phrases ... also seen alot of movies and read a lot of books... sometimes I can figure 'bad fit' phrases (later on in time) from the context they were presented in. Thus I know them for the next time they are encountered. I usually speak in what my parents call 'formal' languuage formats.

I've only recently discovered AS. And this website has opened my eyes. I fully suspect I will gain here many tools and tales to improve my lot in life... (my path).
(Now that the lot has a number and blueprints for a foundation [Thank you WP!]).

- Conversation: keeping it going, thinking of topics etc. - 2 - I usually I rely on another person to keep the conversation going, otherwise it tends to die and groups I get lost in immediately, even if it's people I've known for years.

- Dating, romance, marriage, sexual relations - 10 - I don't care about it, so it doesn't affect me at all.

- Driving, learning to drive (selected as an example of something requiring co-ordination/multitasking) - 4- I can drive fine in areas I know, unfamiliar roads and busy roads give me a lot of problems.

- Education - school/college/university, studying/exams - 8 - I did really well in school, great grades in hard classes, though I tend to procrastinate a lot which makes things a bit hectic.

- Employment - finding and keeping, job interviews - 1 - I have a lot of problems with this - the idea of promoting myself causes a lot of anxiety and there are so many social rules to keep track of.

- Independent living, housekeeping, home ownership - 8 - I can manage, but anything non-essential tends to get put off.

- Making friends, social life, maintaining a network of friends - 3 - It's really hard in real life, online I can manage much better but I don't think most of my friends take me very seriously or consider me the type of friend they can be close to or invite in their circle of friends.

- Mental health - maintaining good mental health, staying free from depression, anxiety etc. - 7 - I have some issues with anxiety and anger, but for the most part I'm a pretty calm person.

- Sense of humour, banter, sarcasm, repartee, literal interpretations - 8 - I have a literal and sarcastic sense of humour but it works for me and people tell me I'm funny, but I don't always get other people's jokes.

- Conversation: keeping it going, thinking of topics etc. 3 --I am terrible and will repeat myself alot.

- Dating, romance, marriage, sexual relations 1-trying but no success being gay and an aspie it harder and not being in shape or attractive doesnt help I am trying and have never had a date and its way too late at my age-I have missed out on a lot

- Driving, learning to drive (selected as an example of something requiring co-ordination/multitasking) 7-pretty good driver but can get confused easily and cannot multitask worth a darn

- Education - school/college/university, studying/exams 10-did well in school

- Employment - finding and keeping, job interviews 9-had my job for 10 years

- Independent living, housekeeping, home ownership 10-have a house

- Making friends, social life, maintaining a network of friends 1-Thanks to another aspie I have met through WP who has become a great friend and very much trusted by me I have been doing better

- Mental health - maintaining good mental health, staying free from depression, anxiety etc. 5 doing ok with that not great but ok

- Sense of humour, banter, sarcasm, repartee, literal interpretations 5-good sense of humor but take things very literally.

- Finally, a space to add any other category you can think of that I may have missed (please specify/rank)

These are my ratings.

- Conversation: keeping it going, thinking of topics etc. - Don't see myself so strong on this perhaps due to restricted, narrow interests. Unless I strike it lucky with common interests, I will struggle to keep things up. Also, I find small talk tricky and indeed struggle to see the point of it. 4

- Dating, romance, marriage, sexual relations - Of all things, this has really been the final frontier for me which I haven't cracked. Except for online but I'm not counting that, neither was it what I was intending to ask with the question. 1

- Driving, learning to drive (selected as an example of something requiring co-ordination/multitasking) - Tried to learn to drive in the past but failed four tests, all with an amazing number of serious/dangerous faults due to co-ordination and multitasking difficulties. I even struggle with walking in the street in a way hardly anyone does due to co-ordination, particularly nightmarish right now with the Edinburgh Festival on! I was thinking about driving today and thought how traumatic it would be if I did drive, due to road rage, accident potential, etc. Glad I live where it's not required for me to drive. 1.5

- Education - school/college/university, studying/exams - Though I do struggle with concentrating on studying, coursework and exams, and last year did a distance learning degree I've dropped after the first year because I couldn't concentrate on it, the fact I did extremely well at school and managed to get a university degree means I should score well here. 8

- Employment - finding and keeping, job interviews - With some degree of support I have been in a job for 4 years and done well in it. It's the only reason I wouldn't score myself extremely low here, because previous jobs would almost lend themselves to rate myself as a 1 in functioning. As for job interviews, I typically have to go through 25-30 interviews before I'm actually offered a job. 3

- Independent living, housekeeping, home ownership - Have lived independently for nearly 20 years now. That shows good skill, yet on the other hand, more often than not I have had bad neighbours, antisocial behaviour etc. which is just bad luck but does mean that too often I've simply not coped. Being able to get repairs carried out has also been almost impossible. 5

- Making friends, social life, maintaining a network of friends - Been fortunate, only due to having Asperger society and resource centre here, to make a strong network of friends. Otherwise I'd have no real social life. 3

- Mental health - maintaining good mental health, staying free from depression, anxiety etc. - Been a real struggle, mainly due to the independent living/home ownership struggles. 3

- Sense of humour, banter, sarcasm, repartee, literal interpretations - In over my head with this. 1.5

- Finally, a space to add any other category you can think of that I may have missed (please specify/rank)

A category I intended for the original post but forgot about is Assertiveness, self confidence, self esteem. I've edited the original post now. It must be admitted I have a serious assertiveness problem. I know how to say no. The problem is when people don't take no for an answer and are persistent, I'm easily broken down. Self confidence and self esteem have really improved because AS gave me much more enlightened self awareness. 4

And another category of my own: Cultivating wide interests and activities. Due to restricted narrow interests which always seem to touch on geography or demographics, I wouldn't score well on this one. 3

I misinterpreted the instructions at first but I'll just mimic what the others are doing, which is I assume not being forced to have only one one, one two, one three... right? And I'm baffled that everyone isn't using the assertive, self confidence, and self esteem category.

Nevermind, OP please verify what you wanted.

Sure, here goes:

Assertiveness, self confidence, self esteem- 7 I don't really have a problem with this. I've gained a lot of confidence over the years.

Conversation: keeping it going, thinking of topics etc.- 7 It's my job to make conversation with people! It's a huge drag but I get paid for it, so the incentive keeps me going.

Dating, romance, marriage, sexual relations- 1 Absolutely nonexistent. I've never even kissed people unless I was drunk. I have huge intimacy issues due to me not trusting people cuz I can't really understand their motives. Plus the thought of giving up my personal space for someone is an absolute no.

Driving, learning to drive (selected as an example of something requiring co-ordination/multitasking)- 1 Failed the test 5x. Extreme anxiety over this and I feel like there is way too much going on that needs serious attention. The thought of me being responsible for possibly killing someone in an auto accident scares me.

Education - school/college/university, studying/exams- 9 No problem at all, except for Math. I used to cheat off my friends' papers to get by. As long as I got a D I was okay.

Employment - finding and keeping, job interviews- 7 No real trouble so far. I know how to act and be what employers want. But I doubt I could ever have some kind of office job. No way.

Independent living, housekeeping, home ownership- 5 I live with a roommate and I don't ever wanna live alone. I don't have any desire to own a house either because I feel that life is transitory.

Making friends, social life, maintaining a network of friends- 5 I have a few close friends. But I have real trouble connecting with others on any kind of deep level. I don't want to open up to most people because I feel like they won't be able to understand me.

Mental health - maintaining good mental health, staying free from depression, anxiety etc.- 5 I have moments of darkness. It's hard not to get down and I really fear a full-blown depression.

Sense of humour, banter, sarcasm, repartee, literal interpretations- 10 No problem. I'm funny!

- Assertiveness, self confidence, self esteem
2 - My confidence is pretty low. I also don't give myself much credit for things that come "easy" for me.
- Conversation: keeping it going, thinking of topics etc.
4 - I think autism as well as depression have an effect on this. Clinical depression reduces my interest in ordinary converstaion topics so much that the amount of mental energy I have to exert to think of things to say exceeds the amount of energy I have available.
- Dating, romance, marriage, sexual relations
10 - I only ranked this 10 because I haven't really tried and have no interest at this point in my life. I do often feel inadequate or as if I'm missing out on a part of life that is so important for 99% of the population though.
- Driving, learning to drive (selected as an example of something requiring co-ordination/multitasking)
9 - I don't have any trouble driving. I sometimes have trouble with certain passengers in the car *cough* (parents) annoying me or telling me what to do.
- Education - school/college/university, studying/exams
8 - There's a few areas that are hard for me but I generally excel academically, especially areas that interest me.
- Employment - finding and keeping, job interviews
6 - I've managed to get internships and I have good credentials on paper. I have trouble with the open-ended aspect of job hunting though. The somewhat vague and serendipitous nature of it overwhelms me. Most of the connections I've made that lead to internships were due to pressure from my father. My self motivation to put myself out and network isn't very high.
- Independent living, housekeeping, home ownership
3 - I hate housekeeping. It's dull, overwhelming, and I have so little motivation. This is probably depression together with the fact that my father takes over this aspect of my life making me feel like I have little control.
- Making friends, social life, maintaining a network of friends
5 - Again this is a matter of motivation and initiation. I'm happy doing things with friends when I have them but taking initiative after long periods of isolation is hard. I'm also self-conscious when it comes to picking up the phone and calling people. I always expect others to call me and when it doesn't happen I figure it's because nobody is really interested in me.
- Mental health - maintaining good mental health, staying free from depression, anxiety etc.
1 - This one is obvious.
- Sense of humour, banter, sarcasm, repartee, literal interpretations
7 - I have a sense of humor but it takes me a long time to feel comfortable. Also, it seems like I either find something extremely funny and can't stop laughing, even after everyone else has moved on, or I don't find it funny at all. Most people's humor falls in the latter category.

My personal approach to the whole Autistic thing is not to focus so much on areas of difficulty in functioning, because they are just symptoms. While working on symptoms on a personal level is important, I have found in my experience that understanding they why's is more important. Lately I've been of the opinion that the why's are common among us while the symptoms are very different.

I think we can get too lost in exploring symptomatic differences and similarities, and miss what it really is we actually do have in common. A narrow focus of existence originating within our own minds, creating difficulty imagining other perspectives. Self-ism.

Edit: I think the only reason I brought this up is because this is why I don't really have a "list." Because I don't tend to think too much about my condition or predicament (or whatever you want to call it), in these terms anymore. Not that I couldn't list them. It's just that I feel as though everything in general is improving by not focusing as much on the difficulties, and focusing more on why they are there to begin with, and working on that. Could be just wishful thinking though.

Okay, I'll do it the way everyone else is doing then.

Assertiveness, self confidence, self esteem- 2

Conversation: keeping it going, thinking of topics etc.- 1

Dating, romance, marriage, sexual relations- 5 I have no interest in such, so I don't see the point in putting it as a 1 because I've never tried obtaining such.

Driving, learning to drive (selected as an example of something requiring co-ordination/multitasking)- 5 Again, never tried driving. I'm not a good multi-tasker and run into things a lot though.

Education - school/college/university, studying/exams- 1 Didn't graduate.

Employment - finding and keeping, job interviews- 2 The one time I did try I was told I couldn't.

Independent living, housekeeping, home ownership- 5 Another non-applicable.

Making friends, social life, maintaining a network of friends- 2 I have online friends.

Mental health - maintaining good mental health, staying free from depression, anxiety etc.- 2 I have horrible anxiety, prone to depression.

Sense of humour, banter, sarcasm, repartee, literal interpretations- 7 I have humour.