Liking people for what they do/say/think

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Moog
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01 Sep 2010, 7:27 pm

Is this wrong? I like people who make me laugh, think, enjoy, learn. If they don't do any of that, then I don't tend to want to hang out or communicate with them much. But then, I don't really like the person, I like their behaviour. And if someone else behaved in the way they did, then I'd like them too. There's nothing inherent about anyone that is so likeable or dislikeable, is there really? And the people I don't like, other people tend to like them, so it's okay.

I just find it difficult what to say when people say 'you only like me because blah blah, or, you're only interested in my dadada... is it wrong to only like what someone can 'give' you? It's not that I always want to take, I believe that balanced exchange is ideal, but not always possible.

I'm not sure what I mean exactly, I hope someone can intervene here and make this make sense for me.


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Bluefins
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01 Sep 2010, 8:34 pm

:scratch: Why else would you like people? How can someone be more than the sum of what they do?

"You only like me because of x" - could be that they feel you only like one aspect of them. So if you had a friend that was funny & smart, who said "you only like me because I'm funny", pointing out that you like their intelligence as well might help.



pgd
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01 Sep 2010, 9:04 pm

Walt Disney said that Disneyland would never work at all without people,. Disneyland would just be buildings/real estate. - http://www.justdisney.com/walt_disney/quotes/ - Disney's success is all due to people.



Shadwell
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01 Sep 2010, 9:17 pm

I actually find a lot of people to be pretty plain Jane and proud of it. I like people that are passionate and unusual and they can be pretty hard to find.



Shadwell
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01 Sep 2010, 9:19 pm

pgd wrote:
Walt Disney said that Disneyland would never work at all without people,. Disneyland would just be buildings/real estate. - http://www.justdisney.com/walt_disney/quotes/ - Disney's success is all due to people.


People and evil corpratemindness, though they have done some amazing animation in the past.



Awiddershinlife
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01 Sep 2010, 9:42 pm

Bluefins wrote:
:scratch: Why else would you like people? How can someone be more than the sum of what they do?

"You only like me because of x" - could be that they feel you only like one aspect of them. So if you had a friend that was funny & smart, who said "you only like me because I'm funny", pointing out that you like their intelligence as well might help.


While I love laughing and good discussions, I don't do drama, gossip, or even chit chat - but people will always be more than the sum of their parts. I really love people - very interesting creatures from this alien's perspective. I also like other critters in addition to humans. , but I do not tolerate meaness well. I am in a "helping profession" and am totally co-dependent about it

Then I go home and enjoy being alone.


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Surfman
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01 Sep 2010, 10:06 pm

I'm pretty open to everyone, but to avoid conflict, will avoid engaging some people.



katzefrau
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02 Sep 2010, 12:05 am

Moog wrote:
There's nothing inherent about anyone that is so likeable or dislikeable, is there really?


of course there is. integrity.


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CockneyRebel
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02 Sep 2010, 12:08 am

I'm open minded to individual differences, as long as the person is not a serial killer.


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Michhsta
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02 Sep 2010, 6:08 am

CockneyRebel wrote:
I'm open minded to individual differences, as long as the person is not a serial killer.


Ditto Cockney :wink: although, given the right circumstances, serial killers might be very fascinating to talk to.

Mics


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azurecrayon
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02 Sep 2010, 9:10 am

what people do, say, and think makes the person that they are. behavior is just the expression of our personalities. of course thats what you are going to like in someone =) what else is there? looks?

there are definitely things inherently likable or dislikable about people, but that depends on you and the other person. some things are more universal, such as the majority of people dislike others who hurt children. other things vary depending on your own beliefs and how acceptable you find those same beliefs in the other person.

i wouldnt say its wrong to only like what people can give you, but it would be wrong to only be there to take what people can give you. true friendships require that you be there when they NEED you, too.

the expression "fair weather friend" applies to those people who are only there for the good times and not the bad, who only hang out when the other person is buying the next round and disappear when its their turn. fair weather friends do not make good friends.


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MotownDangerPants
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02 Sep 2010, 10:59 am

I think I get you.

If someone is a good person and is genuinely nice I will show them respect but if I don't find them interesting/different/intriguing in some way, then I have no real interest in them.

If someone interests me they could be a serial killer and I still might want to hang out with them o.O

Maybe we don't see the 'big picture' with people, either. If I really like one specific thing about the person I tend to overlook most of the other stuff, the reverse is true as well. I have no real value for conventional qualities that are supposed to make people good/bad/likeable/unlikeable.



tenzinsmom
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02 Sep 2010, 11:36 am

I'm the same way.

I call it having "a strong connection". If that isn't there, I won't put much effort in.

I don't tolerate boring people or people that are mysterious.


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Clyde
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02 Sep 2010, 11:49 am

Shadwell wrote:
I actually find a lot of people to be pretty plain Jane and proud of it. I like people that are passionate and unusual and they can be pretty hard to find.


I am the same as you.



OddFiction
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02 Sep 2010, 12:12 pm

tenzinsmom wrote:
I don't tolerate boring people or people that are mysterious.


:cheers:



Awiddershinlife
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02 Sep 2010, 12:21 pm

OddFiction wrote:
tenzinsmom wrote:
I don't tolerate boring people or people that are mysterious.


:cheers:


Clyde wrote:
Shadwell wrote:
I actually find a lot of people to be pretty plain Jane and proud of it. I like people that are passionate and unusual and they can be pretty hard to find.


I am the same as you.


My public self can be very plain Jane and boring. I had wicked selective mutism as a child. It is milder now, but one would need to know me a bit before I opened up. However, if I were dismissed on first glance, one would probably not get the chance to know me. The big exception is in a very anonomus situation, I can be very out-going and funny.
.
.


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