Trouble remembering/imagining change?

Post Reply New Topic

I have a lot of trouble remembering previous states of being, or imagining future ones. Each moment is all-encompassing; it's hard for me to imagine that things have ever been different or ever could be different, even if I know intellectually that it's true. If I'm feeling good, it seems like I'll never feel bad again; if I feel bad, it seems like I'll never feel good again. I think this may be why I have problems with waiting, too (whether waiting in line or waiting for someone to call me on the phone), especially if I can't see tangible signs of progress; I know I won't be waiting forever but it still feels as if I will. And when I'm sick, I can't imagine ever feeling better. It's strange, because I always know that the state I'm currently in won't last, but I can't make myself feel it; I can't make it make sense to me. Does anybody else here have this problem?

Definitely. I'm exactly the same. I live in an eternal now, so much so that I can't even identify with the person I was yesterday or the one I will be tomorrow. That is why talk of aging is so confusing to me; I always feel closest to the times when I felt like I happen to feel at the moment, whether those times were ten, twenty or thirty years ago. The rest, everything that's happened in the meantime while I was in another emotional state, seems unreal to me, like something I've read in a book or seen in a movie.

And I think that is one reason why I don't like change: Because I know it is a death warrant for the person I am now. As soon as circumstances change, I change - which means that the person I am right now ceases to exist!

I'm the complete opposite. I'm forever imagining alternatives (none of which usually occur). Sometimes I'll make a decision and still be thinking about which decision to make hours later- I'd have to look around to remind myself 'oh yeah, so you did decide to do such and such'. It's a bit depressing really- I'd love to live in the present, and actually accomplish stuff, but I'm too busy 'time-travelling' in my mind to start.

Absolutely.
I can't get my thoughts to modify my emotions sufficiently, in order to cope with temporary upsets. I get into bad modes/moods, and get stuck & full of panic-despite knowing full well, intellectually, that I'm behaving counterproductively/destructively.

Yes-I identify with my past self when my mental state is similar ("oh no, not this again" is what I think to myself, when having that familiar sinking feeling). Generally, though, my past self is a cipher to my own present self-there are commonalitites but many things only made sense in context-which has shifted greatly since those times & places.

My "default" setting for imagining future is merely continuation of the present-can't add extra features & create a mental picture/situation of that which is not (yet). I do have dread & fear of anticipated bad things, but that's not the same function/system in my mind as being able to make decisions practically & behave accordingly. I'm pretty much "instant gratification" & very poor at "delaying gratification"-fortunately I'm also naturally quite cautious/timid. Am not ADD or ADHD. Haven't many impulses/urges that would cause me serious trouble-of course, I stay home most of the time, seems safer to hide from the world & the people in it.

I also live in the now with regards feelings - I cant even remember what it was like to be depressed now I am better, but at the time I couldnt remember what it was like to be happy. Sometimes I would go to the doctor when I was feeling oK and they would ask me to describe my depression and I couldnt because I wasnt feeling it at that instant.

If I try to think/feel in my head about a bad time (while I'm at an okay/good point), I get sucked into that associated bad state of mind. Yet the reverse doesn't seem to work-trying to recall happy times doesn't evoke those within me (if I'm in a negative mode/mood), instead those positive interpretations/perceptions seem like total bull.
There's such a wide divide between what my intellect knows & what my emotions feel-and personally, my emotions trump my intellect (illogical, but I didn't assemble the creature that is me-I just take myself how I find myself).
Also, there's a bit of "Murphy's Law" (as I apply it) that occurs on occasion: for instance, when I have problem of whatever sort, if I phone doctor or whomever for help or appt., the problem often seems less urgent, just as result of "giving in" by taking the problem seriously. Yet if I don't call, the problem gets worse & worse. I can't outwit that kind of dynamic.

---

Sense of time - Past - Present (Now) - Future

I relate.