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ProfessorJohn
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18 Sep 2014, 6:17 pm

For as long as I can remember, I have wanted to be like everyone else, to fit in, to be normal. Never really was able to, and I obsessed over it a lot-how I was different than others, how could I get the things I need to fit it. Today I probably appear pretty normal on the outside (employed for a long time, married) but I still obsess over how my past was not normal (hardly any romantic relationships, couldn't get a job in high school). Is it normal for Asperger's individuals to obsess over how they are different than others? It seems now my obsessions are over how my past was different than everyone elses's past.



Sweetleaf
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18 Sep 2014, 6:29 pm

I don't want to be 'normal' never really recall wanting that per say, just wanted less being treated like crap for not being 'normal'.


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Eloa
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18 Sep 2014, 6:52 pm

I never had a perception about "being normal" or "wanting to fit in",
most of my life I perceived people as objects (though people were not as predictable as objects and as a kid I was scared of these noisy, moving, unpredictable objects).
Nowadays I learned intellectually about "being normal" but only as a concept and I still do not feel any desire to meet "being normal", as I cannot feel the demands of it.
Though there are a few people I do like, but I cannot fit in with them in the sense of being like them, but it makes me happy that they accept me for who I am, they like me being autistic.
Still I often perceive people not different than any other environmental surroundings(except for being noisy, moving and unpredictable at the same time, I hardly find patterns in peoples being as there are patterns in animals, I love animals) and feel no bound to them at all.


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Smillsoid
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18 Sep 2014, 8:37 pm

I have never wanted to be 'normal' or 'fit in' - I just want to be accepted. If anything, I've always gone out of my way to prove how 'different' I am.


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skibum
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18 Sep 2014, 9:01 pm

This is a very interesting question. Like Smillsoid said, I always wanted to be accepted. But I don't know that I ever obsessed over trying to fit in. I know that I was very good at mimicking and was able to pass well enough not to get too bullied but I never 100% fit in. I was always on the outside fringes looking in. I don't know that I had a concept of really wanting to fit in so much. I think that is different from wanting acceptance so I wanted to fit in to be accepted but I never understood the concept of fitting in for the sake of fitting in. I hope that makes sense. And now that I know more about myself and why I am the way I am, I definitely don't obsess over trying to fit in.


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andrethemoogle
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18 Sep 2014, 9:23 pm

I used to but nowadays I honestly don't want to be "normal". I'd rather be my own unique person than be a carbon copy of the typical neurotypical.



Meistersinger
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18 Sep 2014, 9:38 pm

The thing that bothers me is just what is the definition of normal? From what I've seen in the DSM, it never gives a concrete definition. Neurotypical I sorta get (besides, since when are musicians NT? Ya keep strange hours, you spend most of your waking hours in a practice room or on the road, etc.) Just what constitutes normal?


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WHOperhero
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18 Sep 2014, 10:28 pm

Yes! I'm a girl, but when I was younger, I was interested in "guy" things (trains, dinosaurs, ect), and refused to wear skinny jeans (too tight, itchy, ect). Partway through middle school, I became really depressed and lonely, so I decided to pursue more "girly" interests, at least some of the time, and wear clothing like what I saw other people wearing, even though it's uncomfortable. Fortunately, my two friends from high school liked me for who I am, so I could be myself around them. I'm twenty now, and while I'm good at community college, friends, and talking to people, I'm struggling with finding a job and a boyfriend.



FireyInspiration
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18 Sep 2014, 10:36 pm

Smillsoid wrote:
I have never wanted to be 'normal' or 'fit in' - I just want to be accepted. If anything, I've always gone out of my way to prove how 'different' I am.


Pretty much my story as well



nerdygirl
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18 Sep 2014, 10:41 pm

I echo Skibum.

I don't think I've wanted to "fit in" so much as be accepted the way I am. I like a lot of things about myself. I just don't like feeling lonely.

I am not picked on or teased anymore, but I have found that while I am "liked", I am not really considered "friend material."

Still not making the social grade, even as an adult...



zer0netgain
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19 Sep 2014, 5:23 am

Before I knew of AS, I just wanted to fit in/be accepted.

Now that I know of AS, I find that I wish more the be "normal" because I see that as the way to fit in/be accepted.



Joe90
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19 Sep 2014, 12:36 pm

If you're comparing individuals on the milder end of the spectrum to individuals with more moderate or severe ASD, then yes, a lot of people with mild enough conditions such as Asperger's are probably more likely to desire to fit in and be like their peers.

I've always wanted to be like everyone else, and I used to get really anxious if I felt I was the only one who wasn't doing something/didn't have something, etc. When I was really little (aged 4-7) I had panic attacks over small things what seemed big to me then. Like if there was loads of mess underneath my bed, I thought I was the only child in the world with mess underneath my bed and somehow I thought it was a bad thing, so when I went to other people's houses I looked under their beds and if there was mess under their beds I would feel relieved, and if everything was placed neatly under their beds or just a few things thrown about, I would go on dwelling on it and worrying non-stop that I might be the only one with a mess under my bed.
When I got a little bit older I learned that those sorts of things are not the end of the world, but then I started obsessing over other things like being the only one not having a wardrobe in my room while all my friends and cousins did. But I didn't panic and get anxious about it like I did when I was little. I would just complain and sulk, and not want to be the only one without a wardrobe in my room.
Then when I got to a teenager, I started obsessing over how many friends I had compared to everybody else, and would feel depressed at the thought of everybody else being out doing things with their friends and I was lonely and didn't even have any decent friends at school.

Even now I still panic if I feel like I'm the only one who doesn't do something most people do. I wrote a thread called ''do I invite workmates to my wedding?'' because I want to get married but I feel like people might think I have no friends at work if I don't invite anyone from work. Also I worry because I don't wear make-up (only lipstick), and every other female that I know all do wear make-up, and I worry that people might talk about me (especially youngsters) because of not wearing make-up.


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babybird
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19 Sep 2014, 12:45 pm

I don't see myself as the type of person who fits in anywhere instantly. However, the longer I stay in one place the more people tend to get used to me being there.

So it all works out in the end I suppose.

And no, I don't obsess about being "normal". I'm not "normal" but then, nobody I know is "normal" either.


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sharkattack
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19 Sep 2014, 12:48 pm

Joe90 wrote:
If you're comparing individuals on the milder end of the spectrum to individuals with more moderate or severe ASD, then yes, a lot of people with mild enough conditions such as Asperger's are probably more likely to desire to fit in and be like their peers.




Yes I have always wanted to fit in and now that I have my diagnoses here is what I honestly feel.

I never deserved the treatment I got I may have come across as rude to some but lots of people took advantage of me and treated me like human waste.

In a quest to understand myself I have engaged with people like myself with Autism.

While not perfect the people here with Autism I have communicated with have helped my rebuild my self confidence and given me enough to function in the NT world of work without getting bullied anymore.

Now that I know what I know what I proud to be part of this community.



ritualdrama
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19 Sep 2014, 1:00 pm

I've always felt different and known that my thought processes were different. I notice things other people don't, even if the details make me miserable I'd rather be aware of the truth.

Sometimes I wish I could be normal just so that getting a job and interacting with other humans would come more naturally to me. But the reality of it is, is that our social "culture" is a joke and is on a mass scale full of insincere people and I'd rather have real people around me. That's part of why I don't waste my breath. That, and I also can't think of what to talk about with people I've just met unless they lead the conversation.


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