obligation to adhere to social intricacies?

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Are people with autism seen as obligated to adhere to social intricacies?

For instance, if looking at someone's facial region makes hearing the words they express very difficult, is it better to not look in order to garner what information I can from them or am I obligated, since I know doing this is usually expected of someone, to look at them correctly but at the risk of garnering less information?

Is someone a lazy person if they do not care enough or can't practice these things religiously until they can perform them to some form of normality? Basically, is it okay to ignore difficult social performances and rules?

I dont ignore them, I acknowledge them but I still dont follow them because honestly, I just dont give a damn about society or its stupid rules or stupidity. Id rather be myself then let society dictate who I am to be. Ive already told it to someone in public, but if you dont like my non-conformist attitude, you can go jump off a bridge, because honestly those who are just sheep in a herd, they would most likely jump if the majority said jump XD.

Yes, I like my fatalistic witticisms, especially if it hands a lampshade upon how society works. And it is indeed true what my witty comment has said, humans are social creatures, and they have a herd mentality and tend to follow the crowd blindly... maybe I should call em sheep anymore, but lemmings, especially since more bad things happen due to the herd mentality than good.

I really think I should make a web comic or something so I can put my wit to good use...

I follow them. I'm very conscious and concerned about a moral code. I can know the rule however and forget to apply it. I frequently forget to say thank you, for example. There's this thing knocking on my brain in a given situation, I know I'm supposed to say something, knock, knock, knock, but am dumbfounded, probably because I am so overwhelmed on a sensory level that I just can't get to it. Then when I do get to it, it's a fraction too late, the moment has already passed. *Crap!* I always hate it when that happens. Judgment is another thing that can be faulty for me sometimes. I do the best I can, at all times, and can at least say that for myself. I will likely have to live with being harshly judged for the rest of my life because that's what people, as a whole, seem to be the best at. That's why I also tend to not be super judgmental.

I'm not sure if I understand your question. There's no moral or overriding requirement to adhere to social norms of any kind. The only issue it seems to me is if not adhering to them causes you problems. In that case you might want to rectify the problem by learning to be more conventional, if that's possible. On the other hand, trying to force yourself to act in a way that is not natural for you might cause too much stress, or it might simply not work, in which case you're better off just sticking with how you are and accepting that sometimes people will misunderstand you or take offense.

If I go to Kenya and somebody invites me into his home and [following ageold custom] offers me something to eat, I have a choice - I can eat some and be polite [I am NOT obligated to eat huge amounts,and if I know it will bother my innards I will - unlike someone travelling with me - eat very little]. OR I can be a typical boorish ignorant arrogant American and refuse it. In which case I better hope the hosts are understanding and tolerant.

When I KNOW a rule in NT America - I don't always know ior fremember it in time - I have the same choice. So far as in me lies, I try to be moderately polite even here.

The worst thing I was ever offered was a raw egg of some unguessable species broken into a pool of cold, congealed animal lard (also some unguessable species), which represented great wealth to the people who offered it. It was one of the most disgusting things I ever ate, but I did my best to smile through it.

Back at home, the degree to which undiagnosed adults with ASDs manage to learn and mimic social manners is tremendous, and a huge complicating factor in attempting to assess autism or Asperger's syndrome in adults. Often there are clues that a person is going through the motions of eye contact and gesture, but careful testing shows that they are not gathering information from it - psychs say that once you recognise learned eye contact, the difference is obvious.

As for being obligated, it must depend on what makes you comfortable and what helps you cope. I try quite hard to follow social norms, but I also try even harder to minimize social contact, and my psych thinks this is an unnecessary limitation for me - maybe spending more time with people and less effort trying to fit in would be less limiting.

"psychs say that once you recognise learned eye contact, the difference is obvious. "

Now THAT is really interesting - not so surprising when you think about it, compare certain people mimicking logic - but important.

My little younger sister [ie not my big younger sister] when adults were watching mimicked [as far as I could see] "perfect good girl". My mother [the model for the imitation] recognized it as fake and disliked her for it.

Maybe I should not try TOO hard to do pseudo eye contact.

That said - the ONLY time I initiate hand shaking instead of hoping I can get out of it is with someone from a culture I know is truly into it.