Asperger's - Do I have it or not?

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Hi, I'd like your help figuring out whether I have Asperger's - or whether I am just a super loner. Around a dozen years ago, my sister suggested that maybe all my problems with finding jobs, connections and girlfriends all has to do with me having some sort of autism. So I checked it out and actually got diagnosed by the Asheville Autism Center. The outcome was borderline; maybe I had it, maybe not. The other day, I did some online test about it, and the result was I was halfway there, but not definite.

One additional factor is I'm also hard-of-hearing, and didn't really wear hearing aids until I was in my early thirties. So a lot of my problems may had been I couldn't hear what was going on in noisy social situations, so I tended to get left out, not laughing at jokes for example, because I couldn't hear the punchline. For awhile, when I was a kid, I was nearly deaf from the sickness that caused my hearing loss - and one MD thought maybe I was autistic, since I just hung out alone and didn't talk to anyone.

I have overwhelming difficulties relating to people. What comes naturally to others, just clicking together right away does not come naturally to me. I'm scared of social situations, but I do fine one-on-one. In general, it's hard for me to make friends, but when I do make a friend, it's a very deep relationship. Ditto for finding girlfriends, I haven't had many, and the past five or six years, none, I mostly masturbate now.

However, there's ways I don't seem to be autistic. I'm not particularly into numbers and puzzle solving. I'm not obsessed with some single topic; I like to study and research a variety of things. I do have a sense of humor, albeit an odd one. I hate the dumb routines of bureaucracy and jobs. I'm always asking questions and making suggestions. I'm very creative, I do artwork and write books and stories. Although my creativity is often silly and whacko. I like shocking people.

I do get really crazy when I don't get my way, and there have been situations when I just exploded and threw things around. But those were for very good reasons, such as a girlfriend leaving me, loss of a job, some stupid rule.

I find the definition of myself as having Asperger's can be useful in certain ways. For one thing, I can get certain social services such as low-income rent and state health insurance for disabled people. The other thing it gives me an excuse to behave as weird as I feel like being.

I tend to be very lonely at times, lacking friends and compainship. I get into these psychological "traps" where I just can't approach people nor do I make myself open to being approached. So I go to some social gathering and never say a word the whole time.

So do I have it or not? I'd like feedback here. John-Forrest

I got my diagnose from a psychologist and a psychiatrist with lots of exprerience on autism. Not from people on the internet. I think you should see pro's as well about this.

Go see a doctor. We can't diagnose you over the Internet.

I don't think any of that rules it out. Unfortunately I don't think we have any shrinks who populate these forums, so you aren't going to get any professional opinions. Poke around a bit and see if there are other things you share with the community.. some of the stuff you'll find here isn't commonly written about in "official" ASD writeups....

I meant I pray I could be one.

Yeah I do that every night as well, and thank the spirit above for making me such a normal aspie.