why do people say one thing and mean another?

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<rant>

i texted my so-called best mate (or my only mate, read whatever you prefer), i said wot u up to, he said im busy.
so i went away to this acoustic music night (not lots of people go - so you can see the attraction ).
next day i messaged him and he wanted to know what i did, so i told him and he got mad cos i didnt tell him at the time (ie he wanted to go).
but i said that he said he was busy, but he said he wasnt actually busy, and that i should have known otherwise...

well why say you're busy if you were in fact doing sod all?

</rant>

It's their way of being nice.

He may have been having sex at the moment and then when it was done, he got bored and wished he had an invite out. Ask him. Try to establish code names for what you're both doing at a given moment. My friend will tell me to call back in about an hour and that she was getting a flea dip.

Sometimes I tell people Im busy, because I dont really feel like doing anything with them or talking to them. I just do it to save feelings.

If white america told the truth for one day it's world would fall apart

but as it transpired, he was doing nothing. at all.
the fact is that i benefited by going to the gig (i now have a job with a band), and he said that if i had told him what it was he would have said he was free and come along, but he said he was busy so i left it at that.

What he said: "I'm busy"

What he meant: "I really don't feel like going out tonight unless you're doing something so awesome that it is way better than sitting at home. Tell me what you are doing and I'll decide if it's awesome enough for me to do too or if I should just stay home".

What he should have said: I was just going to stay home tonight unless you have a better idea.

Hopefully this will be a learning experience for him.

If that is exactly what you texted him, it seems to insinuate, what is he doing right now in the present. It probably would have been better and more clear if you asked something like what are you doing tonight?

And even if that is what you asked, you may have said something like "well im going to this acoustic night if you're plans fall through or you change you're mind".

Though in reality I probably would have not even have said it, and it seems unreasonable of him to take a bit of a pop at you.

Unless he was maybe being a bit sarcastic?

To me saying you're "busy" is an excuse to not do something with someone.

Basically what he meant is he didn't want to hang out with you, unless he could use you to do something really cool.

Its not your fault or problem. He said he was busy to get out of doing something with you, you did something cool, and he now wishes he used you to entertain himself with something cool. Tell him to get over it.

There are some people who don't believe in hurting other people.

Why? It's to give as many messages out as possible as they can. Time and efficiency, you know.

"Why can't they do what they say, say what they mean"

My explanation is one that's simple and complete: people suck.

Oh no! I thought it was just girlies who played that game......I thought I could trust men to say what they mean.

As far as I'm concerned, if somebody says they're busy, I'll just take their word for it. If they tell me I should have known they weren't, I'd probably just ask them why they gave me the wrong message. If it were a woman I was particularly interested in, I'd maybe see if I could persuade her, but not for long - don't want to come over as putting on pressure - but with men I expect them to say what they mean. If I were invited out and I said I was too busy, I'd blame myself if I turned out to have missed something good.

It seems to me that there's a conflict going on here - he's saying you have to adjust to his method of communicating, while you'd rather he adjusted to your method. If you're autistic then you have the trump card because your brain wiring won't easily let you allow for these cryptic NT things, so if he knows that then he also knows that he's asking too much of you. All he has to do is to communicate a bit more literally and clearly with you - which doesn't sound too hard to me.

I agree with Piston head. Say what you mean. You really aren't so important to me, that it would hurt my feelings. People do kinda suck.