What am I going to do?

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A lot of my family have already died. I saw an old picture of me when I was a baby with my grandpaerents who both died well over 10 years ago. I was really close to my grandmother.

Its horrible becasue now I am a loner wihtout any friends at all and I live by myself with nobody to help me at all. At nights I lie bed haunted by grandmothers deat in 1997. She always said she loved me and things llike that and now I have nobody at all.

I know I am a man but I burst out into tears over growing up to be a lonely man....

I don't know what to do everyone else just thinks I am a weird and avoid me? Any advice.

You sound pretty upset and lonely right now. I know the feeling, and its pretty unbearable. My advice to you--if you're comfortable on this site, then read the posts as long as it takes to find some common ground, someone with a problem similar to yours. Lots of people are rejected, and I would not take it to heart if I were you. It will help you pull it together. You're young--you will be OK. Good luck.

It's hard when all the people who knew (and loved) you as a child are gone. You shared memories and they knew you better than anyone, held you in a special place in their hearts. And as far as grandparents go, if you had a good one, there's nothing like that kind of love. My maternal Nan was the only grandparent I really knew, and she was a big part of our family's lives. My sister said that when she died our family had lost the glue that kept us together. And she's right. Our family has grown apart a lot since her death. My parents are still alive but Nan was the only one that truly loved us unconditionally.

I'm sorry you're going through this. I don't know that I can say anything else advice wise (I'm not good at it), except that I can empathize.

But like pekkla said, you're young. You'll get through this, try to stay positive (I know it's hard, I can't always follow that advice either). I hope you find someone to form new shared memories with one day. In the meantime, talk to people here, or read their stories, as has been suggested. That can sometimes help me with my issues.

Edit: Just saw Zsazsa's post. That's definitely a good one if you have the means to take care of an animal. It doesn't have to be a dog though, cats can give unconditional love as well.

Its just when I Iie in bed at night I remember when I was 5 or 6 how my grandmother would kiss me good night when she babysitted me. She would say things like she loves and things like that and bring me up hot chocolate. I would be looked after by her and she would make me food. I hope I will see her again one

My grandfarther as well who died when I was 1 years old thats sad as well in a way. Its seeing the old picture from 1990 of my grandmother and grandfarther holding me in thier arms made me crack up

Its very upsetting I wish she was still her to comfort me and tell me everything was ok

I wish she was here for you, too. And yeah...photographs sure can stir up some strong emotions.

But you know what? She is still with you. Her love didn't die, just her body. No one can take that away from you ever.

All the same, my heart goes out to you.

What do you think she would do if she knew what I going through right now? If she did come back what would she say to me do you think?

That she loves you and that everything's going to be okay. That, and she'd make you hot chocolate.

Thanks. I just wish I could see her again. She would be very deeply upset if she knew what I was going through.

You're very welcome.
I hope you can start feeling better soon. Just know that what you're going through is normal and understandable.

Just wanted to add....Every once in awhile, I'll hear this one particular song that reminds me of my nan, and it gets me going. She died while I was holding her hand in my car on the way to the hospital. (The song mentions holding hands while dying.) She had one major fear and that was to die alone in her apartment. It makes me happy to know that I was the one that was there for her in her last moments. And then I cheer up.

And I'm sure you made your grandmother happy just by being you. I agree, she would be upset because it's never a good thing to see someone you love suffer.

I've learned how to comfort myself very well. I've got two badly behaved, but affectionate, cats that keep me occupied with the routine of caring for them and worrying what they've gotten into now, and I've learned to cook well, so I make all my favorite comfort foods, and it's a cozy little domestic scene when I'm cooking and keeping the cats from stealing food and listening to baseball on TV. Whatever your grandmother did that makes you feel so nostalgic... learn to do it yourself! And figure out other ways to comfort yourself. Food is a big comfort to me; not so much eating as having it bubbling away on the stove or in the oven, something homemade and delicious smelling. And my soft cats. That's plenty for me!

I'm very sorry.
Have you ever thought about joining a community support group just to meet people and get the support you need? I think that's really what you need, I know people will never replace your family but they're better than being alone. Even support on the internet, or at the worst, a support hot line.

There are people out there who are there to help people who are alone or miserable. Do you have anyone you can trust who you are close to at all?

I would also reccommend getting some sort of pet, it's not going to replace real human love but it can be a lot more pure than people "fake caring" in your life. There's always animals out there looking for someone to take them in and love them.

If you've got no family or support left and you've managed to get this far in life, college, living on your own etc, you should be VERY proud of yourself, its not an easy feat.

All I want to do is she my grandparents again thats all I wish for

If that means taking my own life in the long run then so be it

Your grandmother wouldn't want you to end it, as it would make her very upset, and I think you know this. Think about what you're saying.

There's been some good advice posted here since my visit. Please take it into consideration.

thanks for the advice