eye contact: aversion or weapon

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Just to be straightforward, i would like to mention that i prefer not to make eyecontact with people. However, i do not react to it as difficult as some people do.

My daughter, who shares many traits as me doesnt like it either. And realizing the safety she feels in not giving eye contact (like me), as a parent i have to make her look me in the eyes when i am trying to get her attention. I do this when i need to drive home a point.
I don't care to be judged on this matter, since i am her parent and understand what best communicates to her. That is not the point of this thread either.

As stated i do not like it but will do it if necessary.

But in my case i think i don't look people in the eyes, usually as a weapon.

For instance;
if i am in a debate with someone i purposely do not give them eye contact as a means to an end. I feel that as they are staring me down and i am looking elsewhere they are gaining a false sense of security. They think that they are overwhelming me because i won't look at them. Which generally causes them to make mistakes in reason. They get sloppy as they think they areclearly in control.

After i notice the mistakes i slowly look them in the eyes more and more. to the point that when i get them on the ropes my gaze is looking through them and into their soul.

Quite an effective tactic. The only time it backfires is when i am dealing with someone who is a perfectionist. But that is rare. Generally with them, coupled with the confidence i am giving them it makes for an uphill battle for me once i have discovered that they cherish precission in each word.

Does any body else have views on the topic of eye contact?

I try & compensate for the low % of conversational eye-contact by eye-locking as opposed to eye-gazing.

Locking is picking one eye (doesnt matter which) and staring straight into its centre. I think it produces a much powerful effect on the recipient than the vague gazing most people use. If i can hold out several seconds of locked stare, then i feel ive made my point and im free to examine the landscape furtively for a while.

I like your strategy - another technique is to look back suddenly at an opportune moment, in order to catch an unguarded facial expression. Granted, not all of us will know how to interpret the expression, but shock & surprise are easy ones.

I think i have become quite adept at noticing a relaxed, cocky look on someones face.

Maybe i am misdiagnosing gas. Who Knows?

...

I kind of figured out early on from being told by people "Look at me when I talk to you" and having people grab my chin and pull my head up to make eyes meet that your suppose to look at people when talking.

This message finally reinforced when I was ten when a guest lecturer came to my grade school and told me point blank - "You always look at people when they talk to you, or you talk to them". For awhile I took that advice to literally though and I would get yelled at for making too much eye contact.

But for direct "eye to eye" contact - Can't do it. Looking to other peoples eye's feels like looking into a pair of 50 watt CO2 lasers.

I have eye contact in my braver more self-assured moments of slight aggressiveness or intimidation. I am more inclined to use eye contact when I feel dominant. But usually I am submissive or completely neutral. I usually only use dominance as a means to an end.

Being Navajo on one side of my family, I've learned about how "down" most Native American groups really are about eye contact. Most perceive prolonged contact as confrontational. I've never been comfortable with eye contact and have an "excuse" when inquired as to why I don't use it. I tell pepole that the microphones on my hearing aids are "directional" and I have to turn my head to the speaker slightly to achieve maximum benefit...

I don't have a problem with eye contact - I don't tend to like it with most people, although sometimes with very specific people I'm quite comfortable with it. But there are very few people to whom that applies. But anyway, I'm fine because people can generally tell that I'm looking at their lips, and with people with whom I am less well acquainted I will just glance occasionally at their eyes, just to show I am listening, but these are literally momentary glances.

I did noyice something a couple of weeks ago though, regarding eye contact - I went out with someone over a year ago, and I have very strong feelings towards him still. We were singing 'On my own' when rehearsing for a concert, and at the end where it goes 'I love him' thrice, I pointedly looked at him in the hope that he'd look in my direction for some reason. I'm not sure what message exactly I was trying to get across; I just had a strange feeling that I should look him in the eyes for as long as possible. Unfortunately though, when he did catch my gaze, I bottled it and looked away after only a second or two But I'm still not sure why I wanted to look him in the eyes at that moment ... I will look him in the eyes at other times, just to see if I can tell anything from them, but I can't. Still, they're nice eyes so I don't mind looking into them!

If he noticed your look, even for a brief second.
Then he would recognize the signs of coy flirting.
The ball is in his court now.