not just meeting people but them getting to know you

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fleeced
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30 Jun 2010, 2:41 pm

i have a problem with strangers but i also have a problem with them turning into acquaintances. i feel kind of trapped because loneliness / solitude is the best option by default. does anyone feel like that ... i'd be interested to know how i compares to aspies ... or if its different for everyone.

i can't tolerate small talk as well which seems to apply to a few on here. i'd rather talk about me or something like william morris patterns.



Coldkick
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30 Jun 2010, 2:44 pm

I'd rather have an in-depth discussion with a single person about a single topic. Even with my group of friends at school I tend to just walk up, say "Hey" stand around for a minute and then just say "I'm going to the computer lab" and leave. Small talk just doesn't click with me.



Radiofixr
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30 Jun 2010, 2:52 pm

I am a amateur radio operator and when I call looking to talk to someone specific-I want to talk to them specifically,not have a big roundtable discussion and the one thing that irks me is when they use the term "my friend" they are not my friend,they have never met me in person-I do not know them personally-they are not my friend-they are a stranger who tried to insert themselves into a conversation they were not invited by me or the other person into and they bring nothing to the ongoing conversation but confusion and small talk which I cant stand.



bee33
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30 Jun 2010, 3:03 pm

If I understand your post correctly (the OP's post), you are saying strangers don't turn into friends (which you would like them to, at least on occasion), but they just become acquaintances, meaning you don't become close to anyone.

If that's what you meant, I have that problem as well.



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30 Jun 2010, 5:19 pm

fleeced I love willam morris patterns I studied them in a history of modern design class in college.


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fleeced
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30 Jun 2010, 5:22 pm

just read it back and its confusing.

i do want them to become acquaintances and maybe even friends but i can't. i have such a problem with them getting to know me - feels like they are getting under my skin and i am giving too much of myself away.

im just not comfortable around people and i can't seem to connect with most people which makes friendships difficult to maintain. i need to spend a lot of time on my own .. but i kind of have self forced isolation sometimes



Brittany2907
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30 Jun 2010, 6:54 pm

I know what you mean (the OP), I have had the same problem my whole life.
At school I would talk to people on occassion and even if they did invite me to hang out with them, I would just go wherever they go without saying much of anything. I just don't know what to contribute in a situation of a group of people. Eventually I would walk away because even though I wanted friends, solitude was easier.

I still have the same problem. Last week I slept over at someones house. She invited her other friend as well. Even though she likes me, she doesn't know me at all. Her and her other friend just seem to get each other, but with me I have to think about everything and plan my interraction. I think that's the thing that prevents people from getting to know me - I'm concentrating so hard on saying and doing the right things that the real me is never seen. I'm always acting.


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Hello
Blue Jay
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30 Jun 2010, 8:39 pm

Quote:
do want them to become acquaintances and maybe even friends but i can't. i have such a problem with them getting to know me - feels like they are getting under my skin and i am giving too much of myself away.

im just not comfortable around people and i can't seem to connect with most people which makes friendships difficult to maintain. i need to spend a lot of time on my own .. but i kind of have self forced isolation sometimes


That is me EXACTLY. Sometimes I can meet new people and fake being somewhat normal..and even if I mess up and act weird sometimes people will seem to invite me places still. I never go because in the past I went before and once people get to know me, they find out I am not "normal" like i try to be. I am very closed off and get uncomfortable around people who try to get to know me When people ask me about myself or seem to want to be around me, I get very defensive and push them away. I feel like it's better to just stay shut off and distance myself from people because there is nothing they would like about me. I have a lot of problems (besides possible AS). Although I am trying currently to make friends..like real relationship friends, not just the "hey, how are you" acquaintance..it doesnt work for me. I can never form deep, personal and meaningful relationships despite my best efforts.

I also HAVE to have alone time..I love being on my own.



fleeced
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01 Jul 2010, 5:59 am

Yes "hello", lot of similarities with the way i feel ... im not sure if i like mostly always being on my own or i've grown to make the most of it because it seems like my only option



CockneyRebel
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01 Jul 2010, 6:05 am

I'd rather that people get to know the ins and outs of me, so that they know, what they're in for. That way, they can decide if they want to be my friend, after the first time, instead of after a year.


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lease29
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17 Oct 2010, 4:16 am

fleeced wrote:
i have a problem with strangers but i also have a problem with them turning into acquaintances. i feel kind of trapped because loneliness / solitude is the best option by default. does anyone feel like that ... i'd be interested to know how i compares to aspies ... or if its different for everyone.

i can't tolerate small talk as well which seems to apply to a few on here. i'd rather talk about me or something like william morris patterns.


I can honestly relate to what you are saying. I feel the need for solitude most of the time too. It's so easy to be alone.
I moved to a new city a few years ago and have met a few people and tried to make a few friends. I feel in the company of people especially strangers that I can't connect with people even when it comes to making friends. I feel I do come across as shy and aloof and weird. As for making friends the word "friendship" is something that I just don't have an understanding of as I currently don't have any and the people who have possibly wanted to strike up a friendship with I have possibly pushed away. I feel I just don't know people at all and people dont know me. It seems I don't know how to actually get to know someone.
So the people that I have met over here are acquaintances and I have never formed a meaningful friendship with anyone so I can relate to what you are saying and you are not alone in feeling this way.



livinglearning
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17 Oct 2010, 8:23 am

I'm the same way!! ! And I can really relate to everything Hello said.



TuDoDude
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17 Oct 2010, 8:30 am

Possibly when I was younger I attempted to be more sociable but now I just wish people could just stay quiet and only talk about the tasks involved (ie cashier at store or job related).

fleeced wrote:
i have a problem with strangers but i also have a problem with them turning into acquaintances. i feel kind of trapped because loneliness / solitude is the best option by default. does anyone feel like that ... i'd be interested to know how i compares to aspies ... or if its different for everyone.

i can't tolerate small talk as well which seems to apply to a few on here. i'd rather talk about me or something like william morris patterns.


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