"Too close" to tell a secret?

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Do you find that there are some things you wouldn't want your family to know but you have no problem telling your friends or a stranger about it? It sounds so weird but I think its somewhat true for me.

Oh heck yeah, I have tons of things I don't tell my family, but my friends know all about them (most of them were there!)

Nope.

I'm quite the opposite actually. I don't trust anyone BUT my family. You should know though that only my wife, father and step mother qualify as "family" these days. Everyone else is on my "don't ask, don't tell" list.

My friends are closer and safer to me than my family. I generally tell my family nothing of any personal significance, and all but one of my friends very little. I tell strangers slightly more than I tell my family.

I personally have virtually nothing in common with my family, generally don't get along with them, and find them to be so narrow minded it's incredible. So... yeah, there are plenty of things I'd never tell them, that I wouldn't mind having others know.

I've kind of got it in both directions. I'm often willing to talk about AS and related subjects with complete strangers online, but others who I know in real life I almost get so scared trying to talk about it I go shaky.

On the other hand, I will rarely talk about religion with anyone but family and real life associates.

So I think for me it depends on the subject how I act.

Today I am with Mr Xxx. Totally.

But in the olden time, when family was simply my birth family, and some of my 2nd rank friends understood me better than the birth family, there was a lot of stuff known only to one group or the other, with the Friend2s knowing more.

I strive to tell as little as possible about myself to my family, only what they absolutely need to know, and I'm not very happy about that either.

I happily talk about nearly everything with my friends though, even my coworkers.

Internet strangers (like on forums like this) I have an even easier time talking about sensitive stuff with.

Just out of curiosity:

Do you really think your friends understood you better? I remember thinking the same thing when I was younger, but upon reflection, after many years passed, I realize now that what was really going on was that I was just plain rebellious, and my "friends" supported me in that rebellion, because they were rebelling too. Now that I look back, I know they didn't really know me better than my family did at all. Yeah, I got a lot of validation from them, but now I know it was for all the wrong reasons.

That's my experience anyway. Yours may be different.

Yeah I don't tell my closest relatives (and most friends) things sometimes just because they'll just hound me about it. I wanted to have a baby for like 6 months when I was 27. My friend has asked me every time we've talked since then if I'm pregnant yet. I've told her I'm not so interested any more and besides that, it's been seven years. Really, I've either changed my mind or am infertile. Come on. That's why I don't tell people things.

This. But the reason I'm reluctant to tell people about it in real life is that, simply put, most people don't get it, no matter how many times you try to explain it to them...and I'm the sort of person who wants to be accessible to people instead of confusing them.

Yeah, I don't tell my family anything. Whenever I'd tell them a secret in the past, they'd blow it out of proportion. So I trust some of my friends more but I still don't say a lot of things to people. I usually vent about those kinds of things here. Sorry guys.

When I told my diagnostician that I'm more "guts honest" with people I'm close to, she said it was the other way round for most people. I never understood the comment, but later somebody explained that it probably meant sparing the feelings of loved ones while not being so careful (and therefore not so dishonest) with mere acquaintances. Frankly it still doesn't quite make sense to me, though I suppose if I absolutely didn't give a damn about somebody, and wasn't afraid of the consequences, then I might tell them exactly what I thought of them without pulling any punches, even if I knew it was going to do them nothing but harm. I'd feel like being equally candid with loved ones but I'd want to make sure they felt ready for strong criticism before I spoke, and if I felt they weren't ready, I'd probably hold back.

I kept my parents in the dark a lot once I was in my teens, but it could be argued that I was no longer close to them...definitely I felt much closer to some of my peers, and their attitudes felt much more in tune with my own, so naturally I preferred to speak to those who were more likely to approve of my thoughts and deeds. My parents weren't reknowned for being liberal or laid back, and I'd realised that letting them in on too much would just cause them to clip my wings. I remember bemoaning my restricted life to my peers and asking them why parents had to be so restrictive - one guy said he thought it was because they can't stand to see their kids grow up and achieve independence.

On a forum such as this where I'm anonymous, I feel safe enough to divulge almost anything, as long as it doesn't make me too easily traceable. I've also struck up conversations with complete strangers and been surprised at the intimate "secrets" I've revealed, probably because it's a one-off encounter so I'm essentially anonymous.

Mood has a lot to do with how much I share. Sometimes I'm just not feeling very articulate and prefer not to risk using the wrong words to convey my truth. Other times I just get angry and a blunt assertion will pop out. Generally I like to take the time to really think it through before I say it, stripping out all the non-objective stuff and modifying the inflammatory words....but mostly I don't get the chance to do that, I often feel expected to speak immediately, and I rarely get the chance to revisit the subject with the other person after I've refined my thinking on it - either the social wind starts to blow the wrong way, or I just forget all about it.