Untouchable

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I realized after my wife and I split up, we were separated on and off for 8 years, that weeks, then months, then years, had gone by and no one had touched me, except my kids. It really started to get to me ( this is long before there was an Asperger's ), and I knew there was something going on, but I couldn't get my mind around it... So I made an appointment at the local sports club for a massage on the phone. This is all back in the early 80s... but, when the day came I canceled.

My sympathies. I've not gone so long as that, but I can relate to the feeling of the realization that the only people who touch you are children.

The only people who touch me at this point are my parents. I think I hug too deeply.. I remember my ex telling me that he could tell I was angry with him if I did not give him a very long hug. People have also often remarked at how tense I am when they hug me, which is somewhat awkward because I have nothing to say in that situation.. yes, I am very aware of how tense I am?

The other day a co-worker walked up to me, shouted my name and hugged me. I know he was doing this to get a rise out of me or see if I would not mind being touched. I really do not mind hugs if they are from someone I have been around frequently but his display was somewhat embarrassing for me. Not too sure on why.

^^^

Well, his behavior was a little odd. But I think he was just being playful. If you want to try something, wait a week and when you see him from a few yards away, yell "Derrick!" (or whatever his name is) and stretch your arms out wide. If he comes running and gives you a big hug, you'll know you're playing his game, and he'll probably like that. If he doesn't play, you can always tell him that you were just trying to return the favor.

Probably best not to do this in front of the boss or HR.

I have a mild version of this. I don't really like hugs or people getting into my personal space, but I'm not so averse to my wife hugging me and stuff.

But I CAN'T fall asleep if I'm being touched.

I don't think I really mind touch, just insincere, superficial, socially obligatory touch, which feels polluting. And then, I don't really know how to initiate touch, so I must walk around sending off, "Don't touch me unless you really mean it!" signals. It's no wonder I never get touched, except by the socially superficial, and even they have the sense to preface it with, "Do you mind if I give you a little hug?"

Its the reason my hair is almost a foot past my shoulders I can't stand being touched or the sound the scissors make as they cut my hair. I cringe everytime I have to shake someones hand but I always make myself do it and hate myself for doing it without saying something. I do not even allow my parents to touch me. I haven't hugged them since I was around three and that was forced because they had to chase me down to do it, My parents say that when they brought me home I would cry when they picked me up but quiet down when I was placed back in the crib.