Signs of a good/bad therapist

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I know that I have a bad therapist. She ridicules me when I don't do what she wants she belittles me, puts me down, etc... calls me a brat thinks I'm being lazy. I've had several sessions where she's actually ignored me and talked to my parents not about Asperger's but about communication problems they have. She's been saying that I need to socialize more and go to this and that, I need to ride the bus, and all kinds of crap that I can't and don't remember.
Since I've never had any other therapy and I don't know what to expect, what should she be doing? What should my therapy be looking like? And how can I firmly explain this to them so they understand? The next session I actually plan to refuse to go back under any circumstances. Every time I come out of there I have an anxiety attack and low self esteem.
Could someone explain to me in detail, step by step what therapy for someone with AS should look like?
And also explain what neural pathways are. She keeps talking about them and I don't understand anything about it.

If they want your input and truly listen to what you have to say.
(Basicly one that values you as a person)
If they don't listen and don't want your input....find another.

If your parents don't want to switch...
Ask your parents in what way has the psych helped you?

In what way have you improved as a result of going there?

Tell them how it is lowering your self esteem going there.

Last edited by liveandletdie on 13 Oct 2010, 5:08 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Signs of a good/bad therapist

Breathing, bad therapist

Not breathing, good therapist

There was one I didn't like who would ask me questions apparently trying to trip me up. For example I had told him my

son's father had told me he had advanced Hep C ( turned out to be a scam). I mentioned the hepatology dept. at the

hospital and on another occasion he pretended like he could remember what dept. would handle liver disease. "What

was that", he said, "the hematology dept?" Like he didn't know. Another one helped me but when we were discussing my

outstanding lack of achievements in life I said that I guessed I was just a late bloomer (I was over 40)-"Yeah" she said in

a sarcastic tone and rolled her eyes. Screw you, I thought loudly.

I've told all that to them to some degree I thought and they still refused. They think she helped me accomplish doing my chores when all she did was inflict consequenses if I didn't do them.
I've gone in and come out with anxiety attacks and depressive episodes. They don't seem to hear me saying that part though.
I guess I thought if I could point out specific things that were wrong they would listen. But I don't know.

Bad therapist: Tells you that it's all just a confidence issue. Tells you that you're just afraid when you bring up something you're confused about. Predictably responds with phrases like, "It's hard. Well, we can show you the door, but it's up to you to open it..."

Good therapist: Tries to keep track of your overall behavior and any changes in it. Asks questions and offers thought provoking techniques you might be able to use to improve your life. Doesn't just sit there and repeat things that every single person on the planet already f**king knows.

I've had some therapy that was so lousy it was amazing in the past. I'm now getting... mediocre therapy, but that's been a huge step up and has helped. Since I'm still stuck in a tiny backwoods meth head town in east Tennessee where the average person thinks science is evil, and since I still don't have real insurance, I have to consider myself lucky to even have that.

It's simple really.

Good therapist:



BAD therapist:

When your therapist starts discussing possible ways for you to kill yourself.

Write Down!

Write down the reasons you dislike the therapist you're seeing.
Make a big list. Split the page.
Left side is reasons this shrink sucks.
Right side is your hopes when going to a shrink.

Type it up all nice like a report and leave it on the breakfast table or under the coffee pot for your parents to read. Sometimes, the written word gets through better than spoken.

As for what you should hope for, it'll be different fro everyone:
Help creating an organization system that works to shore up your weaknessess re: school?
A third party mediator to review/interpret/explain disagreements you had with your parents?
Someone who will point out to you to note specific social cues that you seem to be missing?
I dunno you well enough to know yours.. but try the paper and pen. They might "hear" you.

Hmm.. Is she single? (though I usually go for brunettes)

I recently did a search for therapists that were experienced with working with adults on the spectrum. I left a message for one lady, and when she called back, I had to hold the phone away from my ear, because she talks loudly! That was my clue to decline an appointment with her. I couldn't imagine sitting in the office with that going on.... She also sounded very bossy.

I could fix that for ya, but it wouldn't be the same as the real thing.

One common trait of the therapists with whom I've made the best progress: They acted in ways that made it obvious they thought I was an important part of what was going to help me get better. I wasn't an object anymore; I didn't have to sit down and be a good little mental patient. They weren't superior; I wasn't defective. That made all the difference.

Oddly enough, they also tend to be the ones with the lower ranks on the psychology totem pole: A social worker; a graduate student in psychology; a nurse-practitioner. Coincidence? No idea.

Whew. I could get all wound up over that in a heartbeat.


Training snakes and rats to get along ... or something like that.


I would be making that announcement to everyone involved right now ... and then even be prepared to call the police immediately -- have a cell phone charged and ready in your pocket -- if anyone lays a hand on you in any kind of attempt to force you to go.


It should begin with someone assuringly trying to make it possible for you to be able to believe s/he understands your many challenges fully and is prepared to make a working commitment to you as a "life coach" if you are willing to accept the offer.


Either print that out and let everyone involved know that *is* how things are going to be ... of if necessary, let them know they can give me a call and I will explain that in words they will not be able to misunderstand.


Short circuits, weak circuits, mis-connected or even broken circuits ... but the evidence present right here in your posts shows you have the potential, and with the right kind of assistance, to overcome much of that.

Is this therapist familiar with autistic spectrum disorders? Obviously the only purpose of attending any therapy is to effect some kind of change, but the therapist must be aware of what aspects of your personality, temperament and behaviour are simply not going to change, ever, no matter what therapy. That is no excuse to be lazy and to not try, but I would guess that the majority of people using this forum "need to socialize more" (and probably do most of their socializing by keyboard).

If you do no have a good book about autism or ASD, then get one with a chapter on therapy.

I guess when the therapist asks you to disrobe and bend over as he starts putting on a rubber glove. Thats gotta suck.

I had one that I saw three times who kept wanting to see me two times a week and talked about himself a lot. The one I am seeing now has Aspergers and seems like a good guy.