I am a 20 year old guy. I always felt out of place, felt weird in my own skin etc. Been in and out of therapy since childhood, but never diagnosed with anything. I was frequently disciplined in elementary school for talking too loud and laughing in class. In middle school I was frequently bullied and just withdrew myself socially. I had a small group (3-5) of close friends during this period who I ate lunch with and spent sometime outside of school with. I was called a loner and I was frequently seen by myself around campus. In Highschool the bullying stopped. I really don't know why or how but it did. I only hung out with one of my friends from middle school during lunch and with the people he hung out with.
I was known for being quiet by everyone but these people I hung out with. I had a strong interest in political science and sociology and would talk to my friend from middleschool about various topics under these banners with no obvious conclusions or organization. I felt like this really put a strain on our friendship and I have not seen him since graduation.(Been three years)
I always wondered why I produced such negative reactions from my peers and even from some of my close friends. I would end up spending a lot of time with a friend of the family at around age 15-17 or so. He was 2 years older then me but he would later be diagnosed with aspergers and we got along great. So when he found out and told me and I researched the condition and noticed the symptoms in him but it would take me a while to realize that I fit all of the criteria myself.
I was never good at athletic sports, was clumsy and was frequently told that I walk "weird". I didn't learn to ride a two wheel bike until I was ten or some ridiculous age. Activities that require timed rhythmic movements are lost to me. (Even clapping to a beat.)
I get tunnel vision toward a particular field on which I can spend entire weekends researching online, only to take breaks for bathroom and food. I then spend long periods of time discussing the topic with adults, and some of my friends which is basically me verbally unloading an array of facts of statistics in an incoherent manner and rarely is their any "point" or conclusion. Frequently when I am finished outlining a social or political issue, I am asked something along the lines of "So what should be done?" to which I am often dumbfounded that I have to provide an answer.
I have a hard time making friends, most of the friends I have are because our parents were friends, we grew up together in the same neighborhood etc. I have never had a girlfriend, and am a virgin.
So when I entered college I tried my hand at courtship and after two tries it was pretty obvious to me that I was way behind my peers in this department. I also had no male friends on campus either. I would see a psychologist who thought I had a social anxiety disorder and recommended me a psychiatrist. After a 15minute session the psychiatrist agreed and put me on an SSRI. After several months of being on the medication it did nothing to improve my social skills, made me feel awful psychically and emotionally. I also lost over 10lb while on the medication.
So I saw a different psychologist and she comforted me that we would only pursue non-drug options if possible in treatment. At this point I was researching pretty much every condition that could have an effect on my social abilities and came across aspergers again. I took several of those questionnaires online and was scoring likely an aspie on all of them. I talked to my psychologist about this and she took out the DSM and asked me questions and she said that I met the criteria. I am in the process of getting a second opinion but it really fits.
Any suggestions or comments by those who are more knowledgeable?
19 Oct 2010, 12:11 pm
