Do Aspies miss people more?&Are dreams 2 real?

Post Reply New Topic

I was wondering about this...for me, when people come and go in my life, it's always so hard, and even after they're gone, they are still so real and present to me (just like my dreams!) My best friend that died....I still don't feel over it...I still feel him...surrounded by his memories if I don't block them...and even w/ people that once were close friends and then became mean to me...I don't think I have a defined "past and present" like most people....And when I have dreams, they are usually so intense and real I feel I'm still in them all day/or week even...and have a hard time coping w/ reality when the dream was so opposite of reality...

Does this make sense to anyone???

I also miss my ex-it's been years since we've seen e/o but he was the person I felt closest to ever and most understood by but we both had so many eccentric things working against us (that we've both worked a lot on over the years) plus my family didn't like him b/c they didn't "get him" and other obstacles we faced. Anyhow, years later (we've communicated via text/phone throughout off and on) I'm now diagnosed w/ AS and I'm confident he is the same and it explains SO much!! !! ! I wish I'd only known then...now I'm married but my husband is NT and REALLY doesn't understand me. He says I don't even feel like his wife, so that plus other things make my struggle w/ "reality" really complex...I'm starting to question so many things I was brought up believing in. I guess I'll stop this rant unless someone wants to ask me further ?s but would love to hear advice or from people who can relate to this...

I actually get annoyed with people who ask "Did you miss me?" Because I don't. When people leave, its pretty much as though they cease to exist until they come back. I may become concerned or agitated if I'm expecting them to return at a specific time and they don't show up, but as far as yearning for their presence, not so much.

On the other hand, I can kind of relate to what I think you may be referring to, in that I used to have the tendency to 'live in the past' and rethink and reevaluate relationships for years after they ended, wishing I could do certain things over or get a second shot at things I felt I'd failed at. Unfortunately, in the handful of situations in which that second chance did come up, I didn't do significantly better the second time around and in fact usually ended up realizing there were good reasons why that situation didn't work out in the first place.

And yes, I'm familiar with the dream hangover. I wish technology geeks would develop a machine that would allow you to capture dreams on video, so we could watch them after we wake up. From things I've read, I think it should be possible to enter the dream reality consciously through hypnosis, but I don't know any hypnotists that I could call up to help me test the theory.

I don't miss people when I know they're coming back. And I like that term, dream hangover!! !

I might be wrong, but as poor social skills also mean that you can't quite relate to other people, and thus they're very likely to become less important than other things, I don't see why aspergers should miss other prople more. I'd actually expect the opposite: That AS people miss other persons less to not at all.

I don't have a diagnosis and am myself not quite sure about it, but I do show many aspie traits. I can read body language and facial expressions really well, but I never get to feel very attached to other people, not even my best friend, with whom I share many similar character traits, interests and experiences.
If one of my friends came to me and said "I'm going away, and we will never meet again and won't be able to communiate ever again, either." my answer would be: "Oh, okay. Bye."
It's not that I don't care about them. I am concerened about their well-being and would feel sorry if something bad happened to them.
But I don't need to have them around me, and if they leave.., well, okay. It happens.

I miss places, but not people.

As for the dreams... I don't know. Didn't come across anything relating that when I did some research about asperger.

I don't think Asperger's make us miss people more; I think all people miss each other on varying levels. And while we may not have as much emotion when people leave that are going to return, I do believe we can still greatly miss people whose relationships with us have ended. Though it would be interesting to see if there's a correlation between Asperger's and dreams.

I don't find that I have attachments to people, but I always get a sense that I want to see my life as a film, so to speak, with a soundtrack and slo-mo... I know it must sound weird, and I sometimes have problems with articulation. But I can definitely identify with the vivid dream states you first described.

Dreams are as real as reality ie. not very.

Too cold, too clear for you to feel.

I don't miss people. Part of the reason I have so few friends is not my being socially inept, its because if they don't contact me once in a while I forget about them

I still miss my dad who died five years ago, especially when I wake up from a dream in which he was alive. I miss my ex a bit. I'd like to hang out with him but I know I'd probably get feelings for him again.
The people I don't see often enough I'll miss dearly but those that I know I'll see a lot I don't miss. I remember when some old friends wanted to hang out with me. I went along then the next day when I was at home I didn't miss them at all.
My sister also misses me and wants me to visit her and I don't really miss her, but I agreed to hang out with her for just one day.
Most of all I miss my dog that was taken to the pound because she was too hyperactive to keep.

I care about so few people that if someone I actually care for isn't around, I miss them so much that it hurts physically.

Yes, I miss those I care for greatly (I don't lose care, except for a few things that can break it). They're always in my thoughts.

Perhaps because "we" make so few friends.

It's so hard for me to deal with people that I only make the effort for those that are worth it (and my students, but that's a different kind of interaction and they pay me). Thus, if I miss someone, it's because they are really worth missing.

I guess b/c/ I've moved a lot, and others in my life, I'm always hoping for a real best friend, so when I think I have one, something happens and they disappear...and w/ them goes that chunk of my life...I can't remember things well, and also w/o someone who was THERE for it, can relate to the stories, then I can't really remember or talk about it...so a chunk of my life falls away w/ that person....and so on, as each person comes and goes. Does that make any sense? But overall there's a small number of close people I miss...and I do mostly miss my cats--even if I'm gone just for a little bit, I always miss them! I think it makes my husband jealous.

As for industrialx Posted: Wed Oct 20, 2010 8:03 am Post subject:
I don't find that I have attachments to people, but I always get a sense that I want to see my life as a film, so to speak, with a soundtrack and slo-mo... I know it must sound weird, and I sometimes have problems with articulation. But I can definitely identify with the vivid dream states you first described.


I totally get you on that. When I've tried explaining that to others, they say "Life isn't a movie you know..." although in a way, it is...people make movies based on someone's life, inspired from it, etc.

Depends if it's a healthy relationship, or unhealthy relationship related to an obsession with someone. Maybe aspies are more prone to focusing their emotional and social energy on one person, so when that one person fades away they're bound to be missed terribly, until they form a new attachment to someone.