Do you have more social anxiety around girls or guys?

Post Reply New Topic

I just realized I have far more social anxiety around girls than guys. Girls have always been more catty, jealous, judgmental and intolerant of me. Guys usually have some level of attraction to me, so they are nicer.. and plus guys don't seem to expect a lot from women re: status, money, etc.

I have been a nervous wreck all day over going out with a female potential friend to have dinner. It's been so bad I started hallucinating music again, had to take massive doses of meds and call my dr. But, the guy I have a crush on called and the idea of seeing him made me feel light and happy, not nervous. Weird, huh?

How do others feel? Particularly women. Are NT women nastier than the men overall?

Gender doesn't play much of a role for me in that department.

For me it's both. I'm into videogames and it's mostly guys who I've seen chat about that stuff I try to strike up conversation and it seems odd. With girls I'm not into partying/drinking etc. so I suck socially with both genders unforutunanetly.

It has been that way for me since I was a kid. I've never felt right or bonded with my true peer group.

I had a few girl friends during childhood but they were either older than me, younger than me, or 'different' like me in some way, e.g. artsy, musicians, theatrical, weird, etc.

My best friend in high school and college was a guy, and my best friends since then have been men (my husbands). I haven't had a female friend in over 30 years, and last time I did we were primarily just roomates, or trying to be, and it didn't work out since it turns out I don't do well with roomates (except husband).

Throughout my adult life I've always felt very uncomfortable around other women and groups of women. I don't know why. I don't think they're nasty or something negative like that. I think it has more to do with not being able to relate to them, having nothing in common with them, and also their level of socialness or emoting or chattiness that is so not me, or or or... etc etc. I've just always felt like an alien in their company.

I'm male, and up through college I always found it far easier to be friends with girls than other guys. Girls were more likely to be interested in getting to know me (not in the dating sense) because I was different in what probably seemed like fairly intriguing ways.

Many other guys I knew were into sports of some kind, and I really never have been. They would generally look at me like I had two heads when I said things like, "Oh, is this the time of year for football? Didn't the season just end?"

Since finding "my community," though, I don't do this anymore. I have as many guy friends as girl friends within that community. I've been involved with that community for almost 10 years now, and it's been one of the best things to ever happen to me.

I am a female and have more social anxiety around other females.
When I was at school it was girls who bullied me and I am always thinking about that now when I meet a female.

I'm with Brittany--same experience!

In school, I was bullied by both..but the females tended to be more brutal in the long run...and I tend to get along better in general with males...more than likely, a particular type of socially awkward male.
I date them and they are my friends..and typically, the ones that I date also have troubles with typical females.

Even when I like and admire a girl..the odds are strongly in favor that I will eventually...or quite easily...somehow offend her and alienate her from being friends with me. It is very annoying...

I'm male, and I have more social anxiety around girls. The truth is, guys are simple. If they don't like you and have at least some maturity in them, they'll most often leave you alone and not interact with you in any way. Sure, they'll ignore you if you try to establish contact, but most of the ostracism will be limited to: "do whatever you want, just leave us alone". Girls, on the other hand, appear to have hidden agendas and pass judgments every chance they get. They also have much stronger verbal and emotional skills, which makes them more "dangerous" in some ways. Since girls talk to each other more, ostracism ends up being more like: "we don't want to talk to you, and we'll make sure no one else does, either".

Interesting point about women vis a vis gossip and pack mentality - I believe it's more true than not, which is why when you find the right, supportive, woman, it's like gold.

Anyway, for me, I've always had more women friends than men, having three sisters you get to see them as people first - and as much as I love baseball I just don't "get" football or the more neanderthal sports, and since I am a musician I don't bond with the "auto mechanic" crowd either. I never wanted to hang out on Saturdays drinking a few and talking about sexual exploits (translation: boastful lies for the most part) as I defined my successes in terms of how well I thought I did compared with myself in the past, and not with regard to others' accomplishments in the sex department - in fact I has so few male friends the only ones whose sex lives I knew for sure were relatives! In fact, I don't think I ever asked my male friends how things were going in that department - it just never crossed my mind as I always considered that to be too private to discuss for fear of resentment and jealousy or someone acting with an air of superiority, etc.

But when it comes to the social anxiety level of asking women out, then that goes thru the roof and is vastly more than the stress of dealing with "average Joe's". I finally had to stop caring whether a particular woman would even say hi or say yes when asked out, almost like a Zen detachment and lack of interest - in fact at once point (after a horrible divorce) I told myself that there was no point in having a relationship whatsoever, and I frankly stopped being interested in romance and sex (except online porn LOL!), which is precisely when my current gf materialized out of the aether and walked into my life - when I frankly speaking did not GAF. So I'd say the bottom line is: if you actually don't care what the outcome is then it can happen in your favor (I don't mean make yourself so unavailable that you never interact). Easier said than done.

Don't have social anxiety.

I feel more uncomfortable around men than women. Part of this is because I went to an all girls school, so I have even less idea how to behave towards men than towards other women. But I've also found that women tend to make more of an effort to be kind to people with disabilities than men do, whereas men seem to get more impatient/annoyed. Even when people don't know I'm autistic, women can occasionally be tolerant/understanding of my difficulties, whereas men can be very hostile.

When I get verbal abuse when walking down the street, it's almost always from men.

Girls for sure. Not sure why to be honest. Around other guys, I feel less obliged to make a suitable impression. Being amongst them is a little like, "if they don't like you, who cares". But for some reason it not so with girls. I feel the need to portray myself as anything but shy. It's ironic though as this extra attention I place upon myself make me more self conscious and thus more inadequate and ultimately shy and tentative. That's why most time I won't even initiate any conversation with girls.

Never been too fond of guys, they always seems rather flat and empty. They're great if you want to go out, get drunk, grab a take away and just talk in a manly way (i.e. about beer and women, and in the case of my friends politics and philosophy). But talking to guys in any other context is really difficult.

By contrast, women are just so much more dynamic. You don't need to be intoxicated to have a good conversation with a woman. They'll listen and they'll say interesting things, and two way conversation is so much smoother.

Speaking as a guy, women are just so much more sophisticated, especially since they can do both normal conversation and drinking conversation, whereas men can only do that latter well.

Both.

Like a lot of other girls on this thread I find it harder to speak to girls. Guys are almost always nice to me, even when I say things that are totally stupid. I don't know if they're just programmed to try to be nice to girls.
A lot of girls are nice as well and most of my best friends are girls but any bullying and abuse has came from other girls. They're also much quicker to pick up on silly things I say and make a big deal out of it. In my experience a group of girls is more likely than a group of guys or a mixed group to pick on someone for being different.