Do you think that other people pry for personal info?
It makes me want to be anti-social every time I run into people who attempt to pry information about me and my life that I do not want to reveal to mere acquaintances. For example, these past two days, a very chatty hotel owner and who I have known for a few days and with whom I had a few conversations asked me: "Are your breasts real?" "How much scholarship money per month does your scholarship give you?" "Are you looking for a boyfriend?" I also had a 15 minute conversation with some local MP in a European city who asked me "What job does your dad have?" (I am 29, not a little kid for heaven's sake!) It seems that no matter how casual I try to keep the conversation, people always want to know very personal information within minutes of meeting me.
I have noticed that other aspies do not pry and are much more reluctant to ask personal information of others. Why is it that many stupid NTs have to get personal with strangers immediately and then once they do, form some sort of misguided perception of that person based on the questions they asked?
I run into this problem on a nearly daily basis and have had my guard up about personal questions recently. It drives me nuts and makes me want t spend the rest of my time either alone or with other aspies.
Thoughts?
lelia
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Joined: 11 Apr 2007
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Location: Vancouver not BC, Washington not DC
Some of those questions even I wouldn't have asked even though I am known as an interrogator. But I was reading just a little while ago on some aspie site about how it is better to start conversations with simple personal comments like "I love that color." instead of "Oh, what a pretty dress. Where did you get it?" like I do. I am going to try this new protocol and see how it works for me.
I'm trying to think why anybody would ask you those questions.... and I wonder if you are coming off as a little bit hopeless and thus fair game... I don't know. Nobody has ever been rude like that to me.... I remember my mother warning me the first time I got pregnant about the stupid questions and statements people would say to me, but it never happened except for one drive-by "Did you swallow a watermelon seed?" I think I tend to intimidate people, and thus they are afraid to take me on. It also means that unless I initiate the conversation, no one talks to me.
Maybe I seem arrogant and you seem open? This is an interesting topic.
I am not interested in "personal" matters, or intimate things, but I am fascinated by difference and often say inappropriately direct things about differences. I can not help asking people about the country they come from and the languages that they speak, and I try hard not to because it can sound racist. I do the same when people use unusual words or phrases.
I don't get these problems from people. I have been asked if I have a bf or if I have a job or what work I do. I see that as getting to know me.
I am guilty of asking questions myself but I don't know if they were personal questions, I have a hard time with what is personal and what isn't. I did it because I be trying to socialize and not talk about my obsessions because I knew no one wants to hear them over and over and over. So I find other things to talk about like ask how many siblings they have, how long have they lived in Montana, stuff like that. Then on here I learned that is actually what people want, they want to be asked that stuff about them. I never knew that.
If someone asks if you are looking for a bf, they are probably interested in you and think you are hot. That's the impression I have always gotten but could never understand why they wouldn't ask me for my email or phone number or even ask me out if they were hitting on me. Perhaps I didn't play the game right and I was supposed to make a move and I didn't because I didn't understand the rules of the game so they maybe thought I didn't like them or something. I caught on they were interested in me and they liked me but I didn't know how to play the game. Was I supposed to ask for their number or email?
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Son: Diagnosed w/anxiety and ADHD. Also academic delayed and ASD lv 1.
Daughter: NT, no diagnoses. Possibly OCD. Is very private about herself.
This question would be enough to identify they guy as a creep.
I'm not sure how to ask this delicately, but that he asked that question makes me wonder if your appearance may be a factor. Men quickly turn to pigs in the presence of a hottie.
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When God made me He didn't use a mold. I'm FREEHAND baby!
The road to my hell is paved with your good intentions.
happymusic
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Joined: 10 Feb 2010
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That hotel guy's a turd, stay away from him.
Sometimes, when people ask me too many questions I'll actually rely on my lack of social skills and just stop trying to do all those polite convo things you're supposed to do. It results in the conversation screeching to a halt and me sort of ignoring the other person or looking at them with nothing. I just let the silence sit. They usually drift away after a minute.
In the examples you gave, the hotel guy was a creep who was trying to hit on you, and in the second example, it's common for the police to ask intrusive questions to unnerve you, either because they are trying to find out if you are suspect in some way, or just to flex their authority muscles. I had a cop ask me out of the blue if I knew the person who runs the local homeless shelter, with no preamble, just as I was walking past him.
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