first post - hope do you cope?

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Recently I have self diagnosed myself with perhaps aspersers or autistic traits. Since professional diagnosis might be a long way off I think it’s logical not to assume anything, though I would like to know how people cope with everyday life living with aspersers.

There are many things I particularly find hard – knowing when to eat and drink, knowing how to sleep, dealing with confrontation, choosing and accepting consequences, “playing the part”, knowing the right things to say to people, any manual activity- and every other little detail that society or the environment deems humans able to do.

In-fact I am always caught up on details. I have to learn so much more than the average person because the details don’t add up to the big picture –so I have no common sense really, just logic from all the details that spin endlessly in my confused brain. When I overanalyse details and question everything I can never get my head to turn off. This makes sleeping hard.

Recently Uni life has totally changed my environment in the last year and for obvious reasons I was apprehensive about living independently in a city. (I get overwhelmed by just waking into a supermarket) I have enjoyed everything I could, doing a degree in Art meant meeting some really good friends, but since I went to Uni I have been barely surviving. All throughout the year I didn’t know how much to eat, I barely had the energy to prepare any of my food ,so pretty much stuck to eating pasta and bread all year then supplementing that with whatever fruit or smoothie, easily packaged thing I could find. I couldn’t sleep properly because most of the year my endless thoughts and questioning everything (details again) just didn’t stop. I still have no idea how people can just go to sleep when they want. Since I’ve been at Uni my hypersensitivity to everything (mainly visual stimuli) has been crazy and all my shields and defences that usually deal with “normal situations” are just are not there. My usual coping mechanism that I use when I have meltdowns or when I am overwhelmed is still locking myself in my room turning the lights off and hiding in my covers and waiting for my brain to regain control.( hasn’t changed since I was 5)
I am constantly freaked out by everything I see; my hands are weird long blobs
People zoom about in fast moving things etc – It doesn’t matter if I know what things are or a have million facts about my hands or cars – my senses are like “wow that’s cool but what the hell” – so I have to worry about every possible thing that could happen – because it just might .

Emotionally I’ve detached myself quite a lot and it’s quite hard. Ever since I can remember I have felt freaked out in my own skin with the feeling of "eh wait a minute what the hells going on here" in relation to my environment. This is continuous for me: every time I process input information I feel drained to certain degrees depending on the intensity of the stimulus. Quite often I feel so emotionally removed and strange- I find it hard to tell if I exist. However as a survival mechanism I have always attempted to "meet people halfway" in “their world” and therefore adopted, pretended and copied many of the things that was typical or expected of me, so my life wouldn’t be harder than it already was.

All my life I’ve felt I was just “playing along” though very few people would notice my troubles at all. Although I’ve had lots of friends I fell pretty insular and lonely. People have noticed however my relationship issues. I’m 19 years old but the whole process of dating etc is alien to me. I just wouldn’t have any idea what to do.

Luckily I have art and listening to music. I live to paint.

I obviously cannot presume anything about having autistic ways of thinking, but I’m edging on that opinion after looking back on my life. I’ve got too much logic to just be plain crazy.
Anyone in a similar situation? Its my first post on wrong planet.

That's good, music and art and painting, all supposedly Aspie things but I would recommend getting an official diagnosis. I even took that Aspie online test for fun and while I scored like I expected, I thought some of the questions were rather odd and nothing like I was asked before I was diagnosed finally. Also, if you say you are self-diagnosed, then you are even more open to scepticism.

How do we cope everyday? For me, the first few years after diagnosis I was in denial and my family would not accept it really which made me feel even more isolated. Parents generally don't like to be told that their children have something wrong with them.

It was after I read "Look Me In The Eye" (John Elder Robison) that I found such empathy and understanding and it inspired me to read another book, by a boy with Asperger's (Asperger's Syndrome, The Universe and Everything by Edward Hall). I found reading and research fascinating and began to come out of my shell quite a bit, to the point where now I am able to write confidently as I am doing now.

Of course the dibilitating aspects are ever-present, I don't feel safe outdoors, unable to cope with crowds and noise, uncomfortable about strangers, no eye contact, very angry at any threat to my routine, self-harm, all of these things but I will cope by trying to focus on the things I am good at and positive thinking... that's my way of coping, hope that answers your question and I hope you enjoy using wrongplanet!

Thanks for helping me out!

My dad is a social worker and deals with disabled and severely autistic people part time –so hopefully my diagnosis will come through sooner with his contacts. I read that book by Kenneth Hall “Asperger syndrome the universe and everything” last week and found many parts quite familiar. The “safe” place that he had with his sleeping bag –his hate of disruptions, even the way he described the horrible consistency of mashed potato and minor things like that resonated quite a lot with me. I also did that aspie test last week – got a score of 137 out of 200. Since I’m taking time of from uni and abandoning my friends because it has gotten too much to cope with, I’m hoping to get behavioural therapy, even if the diagnosis is not autistic based.

I have an amazing amount of positive traits even if I am talking about those which are hard for me. When I’m doing a subject which actually means something to me like art I sort of “hyper focus” and my patience and potential seems endless. I know lots of people with aspergers talk about the “other world” they inhabit to deal with the unsuitable real world. Mine is definitely trapped in painting; I prepare my head for any situation that I am going to struggle with – in-fact you could say I role-play in my head constantly when doing art.

I use ever second of my waking hours doing things like painting, but then often forget to eat drink and take breaks because of it
It’s good that you feel confident enough to talk now.

well in the past, i guess i still do with lots of alcohol. i recently saw a study that said alcoholics live longer! i was shocked. mostely i dont cope, i cover up!

one day i plan on getting my stuff together. but not now, not when im this hot!!

I dont trust myself with things I could get very addicted too. I did make the exception to Alcohol a bit at Uni -slightly took the edge off my hypersenitivity to my environment.

Its also a "normal" activity for students - so I was never that out of place

Have you tried sunglasses? Maybe when in class, unless there are slides, you could shut your eyes.

For eating a healthy but easy diet, you need advance planning.

Foods that can be eaten with <5 minutes prep time not counting shopping:
Minute steaks
White Castle mini burgers
Apples
Grapes
Tomatoes
Most berries (blackberries, strawberries, blueberries)
Broccoli
Carrots
Celery
Cheese (cheddar, brie, string cheese, awful processed stuff...)
Crackers
PB&J sandwiches
Milk
Nuts, if you get them without shells (walnuts, cashews, almonds...)
For that matter, seeds (e.g., pumpkin seeds)
Peaches

They sell packaged foods called MREs that have a long shelf-life, usually taste good (I find the meat is easier on my sensory issues than most meats) and are healthier than subsisting on pasta. They're very big, so if you have a very small appetite you could easily survive on one a day plus snacks. If you have a hearty appetite, one makes a good dinner. Some components take time to cook, but most of them have cheese and crackers and some kind of dessert that can be eaten cold.

Some quick snacks/meals:
1. Take some sticks of celery. (Cut the sticks to maybe 4-5 inch lengths.) They should have a curve that runs lengthwise. Turn them so they make a sort of cup or channel, into which you spread peanut butter. Raisins on top are optional.
2. Apples with peanut butter.
3. PB&J sandwich (I assume you know how to make one)
4. Cereal and milk. Some cereals are healthier than others. Read the labels and see which kind has the most vitamins and minerals.
5. Canned peaches, maybe with some sort of dairy product.

As for how much to eat, on a single day, it would be reasonable to eat all of the following:
One apple
Maybe five celery sticks prepared with peanut butter and raisins
A bowl of cereal
An MRE

But that's just a ballpark. You could eat more or less. If you work out the caloric content of your food, 2000 is a reasonable number. If you're quite sedentary, try for 1600 or 1700; if you're very active, you might be able to go as high as 3000. 2000 is a healthy ballpark to shoot for. If you find that you're still hungry after that amount (of HEALTHY food), eat more; if the thought of eating enough food to reach 2000 turns your stomach, eat less.

As for when, you should eat breakfast when you wake up, or within the first hour or so. A quick breakfast might be a bran muffin or a bowl of cereal. Or an energy bar or an apple.

Do you have a break somewhere between 11 am and 1 pm? If so, eat lunch then. A good lunch might be a tuna sandwich. It might be some cheese (maybe approximately the same volume as your fist, or smaller) and an apple.

NOTE: if you feel hungry after breakfast but before (an hour or more before) lunch, you should eat something. If you don't have much time, you can pack a couple of slices of apple covered in lemon juice in the morning to eat in a quick break. You could also opt for a stick of string cheese.

Dinner should take place after you come home and before you go to bed. Any time in there is fine; ideally, it should be three hours before bed. Approximating that to anywhere between five or six hours before bed to five or six minutes before bed has never hurt me. If you get hungry right after coming home, eat dinner then. (NOTE: it's okay to eat two meals, or a meal and a snack, here. It's okay to eat one meal but take the entire time to do it, if you're getting other things done simultaneously) An acceptable dinner might be a hamburger, ribs, a bowl of lentil soup, scrambled eggs (try for one or two eggs), hardboiled eggs (one or two to eat at once, but you can make extras and have them the next day), an MRE, a bowl of pasta or a salad.

There are other ways to plan a menu, of course. However, what I've laid out will not kill you (unless you're allergic to one or more ingredients) and is healthier than the diet you describe. At the least, it'll keep you until you can plan something better.

Oh, and I forgot to mention drinking.

Estimates for how much water you need vary. If you're sedentary, the rule of thumb is sixty-four ounces (about eight glasses; you could maybe measure your cup and see how much it contains).

You could have one glass in the morning and one with dinner. Beyond that, try to keep a steady pace. Keep a little water by your bedside at night. If you're up for twelve hours and drinking during that time, and if you've already accounted for two glasses with breakfast and dinner (you can have more if you're thirsty, or less if it's too much), that's 48 ounces over twelve hours.

So drink a glass with dinner and a glass with breakfast. Aside from that drink about one ounce every fifteen minutes. If you find yourself running to the bathroom all the time, drink less; if your urine is too concentrated or you feel thirsty, drink more.

If you engage in intense exercise, drink more fluids, BUT make certain to get in the proper electrolytes. You can use a sports drink or you can snack.

If you drink a lot of alcohol or soda, you should drink extra water.

Oh, and I am indeed not a doctor.

wow thanks for the advice.
I have been wearing sunglasses for most of the last week and that has helped a huge deal with the intensity of things.

youve given me lots of ideas for easy food -I am vedgetarian which is a little harder I suppose. I dont like eating food much but I can see preparation is needed since it isnt one of my strong points.

water with meals I already have- I just need to not forget to drink at other times too.

youve been a great help thanks!