"You need to lighten up!"

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One regrettable part of being an aspie is that some of us have a flat, cheerless demeanor (including me) and cannot understand, or even get offended by everyday jokes or teasing.

I was in the living room with my mother and her boyfriend, who said "Hey Caitlin, you going out to snog your boyfriend later?!" He carried on like that for a while... (I have a boyfriend, but I have had him for a week, and I think it is quite rude to speak of him in that way...not to mention suggestive and embarrassing for me). So I got all steamed up and did a well-aimed kick on his shin.
HIM "God, girl, lighten up."
MUM "Yeah, take a joke, Cait."
ME "I can, I just don't think it's very funny when you pick fun at me like that. You do it all the time."

And so it continued on like that for a while...

MUM "God, you'll never get on in life or get any friends if you can't 'get' jokes. You won't ever survive at work!"
ME "Yes I will. And incidentally, it doesn't happen all the time. It didn't until HE showed up! (I was referring to her boyfriend, of course.).

I didn't realise there was no malice in mum's boyfriend's teasing, but I get so annoyed, he does it every day... I haven't been assessed yet, but I do know that I can't understand or take a joke for the life of me. I just think it's rude, unkind, and no-one should ever do it. It happens to me on a daily basis.

It makes it harder for aspies, in a world where everything is in the abstract, and nothing anyone says is clear in meaning.

Does anyone else hear "Lighten up!" or "Take a joke!" ? And does anyone else here find it hard to decipher hidden meanings in peoples words?

That used to happen until high school, where I started finding my group of friends. We all kinda learned how to tease and be teased with each other's help. I guess I was lucky.
Now I like to tease my friends every once in a while, though I'm not as clever as some of my friends.
One good thing I try when I do get offended, is when they try the "Lighten up!" crap, point out that their sense of humor sucks. Pick their joke to pieces. That completely disarms their claims that you can't take a joke.
NOBODY can ever take a bad joke, nor are they expected to.

It took me to fairly recent adulthood before I could tell the difference between malicious teasing and playful teasing. Even now I have to process it rationally.

I really can't take teasing. My dad does it all the time, because he thinks it's friendly and he thinks I should be able to take it. I've started saying things like, "I know you mean that to be friendly, but it really doesn't come across that way to me. I have autism. I know that most people enjoy being teased, and I know that my life would easier if I were more tolerant of it. But you're just hurting my feelings. Please stop."

I can't say he likes this, and I have to use sort of memorized sentences to express my feelings because I have to work too hard on being calm and pleasant while I'm saying them not to actually make up something new. So I feel fake and dopey doing it. But he does stop, most of the time, when I remind him that I have autism and that I know it's annoying to be around.

Maybe you just don't like him. Would he talk to you like that if you were his own daughter? Your mother's boyfriend is a jackass. Then, he makes it look like there's something wrong with you. Hee-haw!! ! Hee-Haw!! ! Like I said before, he's a jackass. He's has NO class.

I'm not good at taking teasing. Coming from a rather painul background has given me a short fuse in those situations.

I won't act out, however. I just get quiet and lose all facial expression. I'm usually gone mentally for a while after that.

GAH! I hate that phrase. "Lighten up" is code for "be more like us". Sorry. My mental environment is quite interesting and 'light' TO ME. Just because YOU don't understand it I'm supposed to change?

That sounds malicious to me.

The problem is, there are different reasons why people might say "Lighten up" etc. It might really be because we just seem flat or because we take things very seriously.

But sometimes we are RIGHT to take things seriously and the person teasing or insulting us is wrong, and then when they say "Can't you take a joke?" what they are really saying is "Why are you pointing out that I what I said was racist/sexist/offensive/totally inappropriate? Why can't you just play along with my abuse like other people do?

Distinguishing between the two scenarios - like when we could really lighten up, and when we're right be upset - is probably not easy for aspies.

To me it sounds like (since it is a guy) and it sounds like your are out in the working world already he probably has some sort of a crush on you. Either that or he is just a dick. Personally, to "Fit in" I tend to just one up their insults and jokes, since I can find so many pronunciation problems or make fun back at them with puns based on their own words they usually give up and laugh it off. But if you sit there uncomfortable most people dont realize its getting to you and will just keep it up, this is just my experience.

Ugh, I hate being told to "lighten up" or being asked "Can't you take a joke?" Most of the time, people seem to ask me that after they've made a deliberately cruel comment (or at least it feels that way).

I had this at college too. I felt I was being picked on a bit (in a subtle way) because I was told "take your mask off it's not halloween" with everyone in the class laughing and I remember someone put "queer" (words taken from a newspaper) which was stuck on my cubicle (where I worked for pratical in college) I know some probably think "it's just a joke" perhaps but I noticed I was the ONLY one they said and did these things too. I found out that same group talked behind my back and said I was wierd, strange etc. Also I was told at times in college I was reserved, a killer (joking I guess because I don't show much facial expression) "cheer up" etc. What they don't understand is I am fine, unless something funny happens or something I am not likely to be showing much expression.

I don't like it when people joke around when I am being serious or when I am upset because it feels like they aren't taking me seriously. My ex did this to me all the time and wouldn't stop. Then he get mad at me when I take him seriously. Jerk!

I think it's insensitive to make jokes when someone is ranting or venting or going through a hard time and talking about something serious. I also don't like it when people joke all the time because it makes it harder for me because then I won't know when they are being serious. My ex did this too and wouldn't stop because it was "who he is" so now when I hear people say they won't change and people need to accept who they are, it raises a red flag.

But then again I am always the one thinking others need to get over it and lighten up when they take my humor seriously and not get over it after I told them it was a joke and tried apologizing for it. I just think they are too sensitive.

I have been asked before if I can take a joke. I think I do fine with jokes because people say "it was a joke" and I don't get mad about it unless I am in a bad mood or I wasn't in the mood for them.

I HATE people like that. They have no right whatsoever to dictate your sense of humor or emotions. You feel it's offensive, so they better respect that.