My life is messed up. Will it prevent diagnosis?

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So pretty much after a lifetime of struggles i've come to the depressing realisation that i had Autism all along but the likelyhood of me being diagnosed seems horrifically small.

What are your opinions on my situation? I've spend hours and days and nights thinking about this but it only serves to make me unhappy. Fresh perspectives on it would help me.

In a nutshell.

I never considered that I may have Autism before because I did not realize what it was. Now I know what it is I am sure I have Autism that started off very sever and now has become high functioning. I am in my 20's. I want to get a diagnosis and help for it with social skills (that's a MAJOR thing in my life) and generally how to cope in adulthood and independence.

Looking at the DSM IV I know that I tick 7 of those boxes and my development as a baby was abnormal because I was unresponsive, quiet and 'a really easy baby' because I didn't really do anything. I had serious learning difficulties as a child and have struggled my whole life with education but tried really hard, I devoted my life to it to prove to myself I’m not as dumb as they think. The reason I wouldn't have been diagnosed as a child is because my Stepdad is the sort of guy who wouldn't want a child with a disability and will pretend I’m fine.

The problem is I KNOW I satisfied the criteria for Autism in childhood but I don't think I actually will be able to get a shred of evidence of that. My Stepdad won't help at all. I never talk to him anymore. I'm pretty sure he wouldn't have told any doctors about it and would have just blamed my school for my 'poor education'. And that's the end of that. So if I have no medical evidence and no real evidence of my development before school age how can I get a diagnosis?

I have been diagnosed with depression and anxiety by my GP and been taking antidepressants. But I feel my problems are caused by my Autism. My problems are my lack of friends, being confused in social situations, struggling with people who want to shake hands or anything like that. I have eye contact though. My eye contact is just constant because I am trying to understand the other person. I can see changes in facial expressions I just don't know what they mean or how to react. I'm always trying to work it out and it makes me exhausted mentally. Plus my effort is pointless, people don't understand me and I don't understand them. I can't do these things. And it's not that I haven't tried. I REALLY HAVE TRYED. All this time I thought that everyone was faking all their social interactions and I didn't understand how. I thought people were just acting, but now I see they are communicating in ways I really have never picked up on. I have normal intelligence now. I can read and write and talk when not in a social setting (things like going to a doctor or at the bank were its actually quite scripted what you have to say. I look it up on Google first so I know I am doing it ok).

At the moment I am studying. I'm at university and I think a professional wouldn't believe me if I told them why I have Autism, they'd want the evidence I don't have. Unless they just went on my word. I also am terrible at having other people take me seriously. I know my facial expressions don't match what I’m saying and I just come across as really weird and entrust worthy.

I really want a diagnosis because I seriously need help. I want friends but I always get taken advantage of by socially smart people who just want to use me or laugh at me. I find it really distressing if my routines are interupted and i seriously can not do anything spontaniously. I plan my whole day down to the hours with what i'm going to do otherwise i just day dream or get distracted by something for hours.

And i know this sounds really pathetic, but i want friends so much i actually pretend to have a friend and just talk to myself n the mirror pretending to be the other person as well. I can do that for hours and imagine i'm popular or famous. It's not hullucination or hearing voices. It's just me trying to have a social life that i can understand and control.

Opinions, Advice wanted. Thank you.

I struggled with this as well, and wrestled with the fears a lot. My mother is no longer living and could not be interviewed. Plus, my childhood was a long time ago. There is an instrument, the A-DOS IV that assesses adults based on behavior--without interviewing your parents or teachers. Ask at your school, ask your health care provider, seek out Autism support groups in your area and ask...someone probably administers this test to adults near you for a reasonable fee.

It's difficult to get this information when, like you or I, neither of us knows much about autism, let alone the ins and outs of assessment or diagnosis. The resources are out there, they sometimes just aren't easy to find. Keep asking, keep making contacts. I know, talking to people is hard, and making requests for something you need/want so badly makes it tough. Trust me, it is worth the effort.

Good luck.

Oh, I don't think you sound pathetic at all, so please don't think that about yourself!
I can't give you much advice, because I'm kind of in the same stage you're at.
I have the same problem with other people not taking me seriously. I think it has to do with your tone of voice as well as facial expressions. For me, I always come across as very agreeable and relaxed, and I often laugh at things that are very serious to me.

If you do seek a diagnosis (which you should, since you sound like you really want one!) maybe to begin, you could point out some of the things you've said here -- you could tell the doctor/psych/whoever that you feel that people misinterpret your body language, facial expressions, tone of voice and don't take you seriously, and tell them that you really need them to take you seriously.

When I go into a regular doctor for random illnesses (stomach problem, etc.) a lot of times I will write a note telling the doctor my symptoms and give it to them when I go in. I just let them know that I get nervous and forget to tell them important things, so giving them a note makes sure they know everything they need to. So perhaps you can use this technique -- hell, even writing a really, really long letter would not offend someone who really wanted to help you. And you shouldn't have a doctor that doesn't really want to help you.

I always find it best to explain things right away that could cause problems -- so tell a doctor about the communication, tell them about your relationship with your stepfather and why you know he will not be helpful. In a letter or verbally or whatever. It can get to your nerves, but I've always found that for me it made things smoother to tell your worries and misgivings right away. I hope this can help you.

By the way, I think that all types of people talk to themselves in the mirror!

Except whatever type I am, LOL! I barely even look at myself in the mirror because it makes me feel uncomfortable. I check to see if my part is straight or to check out how the latest hat I designed and made looks on me. That's about it. No way am I going to stick around long enough to have a conversation with that scary person in the mirror! For real. LOL

oh! But I suddenly remembered someone who *does* talk to herself in the mirror!!

Anne Shirley! (From "Anne of Green Gables" and many other books by L.M. Montgomery.) Eventually she makes a "bosom friend" - Diana - but she is terribly lonely beforehand and makes friends with the girl in the mirror! And I read that Montgomery wrote that into the books because she did the same thing when she was a girl.

So, see! It is totally not-weird to talk to the "girl in the mirror" and try to make friends with her! It's something anyone who's read Anne of Green Gables can understand and identify with.